Husband's attempted suicide

[mummyjones1977]

Advice/ guidance needed. My husband took an overdose last week and after a couple of days in intensive care he survived, and now he's home. My question is - how the hell do I get over it?

He has been suffering from depression since December and attempted to kill himself on 17th February. This was at his Mum's and I didn't have to deal with the immediate impact of that overdose - didn't have to call the ambulance or anything - she did. He only took sleeping tablets that time so was only in hospital for 6 hrs then back to his Mum's to sleep it off.

This time it was me who found him, having just returned home with my 2 year old and 4 year old from their music class. He had locked himself in the bathroom and left a suicide note. He was in a semi-comatosed state when I found him and I called an ambulance.

I know he's ill but I can't get over what he's done. Hate living my life a day at a time and worrying about whether he's going to do it again - he didn't seem suicidal last Wednesday so how do I spot the signs? Also, he won't promise me that he won't do it again since he promised before and that didn't mean anything did it?

Can't see what future we have at the moment. He has put me through hell, but acts like nothing is wrong. I'm not allowed to mention it and now his mum's telling me it's me who needs to speak to a counsellor to get over it. Why's this all become my problem? I won't do anything rash like kick him out but the thought has crossed my mind. He's being seen by psychiatric specialists and I know that I have to just hang in there and wait til he gets better, blah, blah. But I've been riding this emotional rollercoaster for months now.

when my ex was sectioned he wasnt kept in very long at all really,just long enough for an asessment and then out again. there really isnt a way of preventing this......i learned that quickly,but i HAD to protect the children....to see someone suicidal would have damaged them,i'm sure of that! its bad enough for an adult.

my exP presented very well in hospital - he was not sectioned at all and was eventually discharged. (once i got agreement from him he would go off to his family and only stay home one night...) the day he was discharged he called me (i was out with dcs) to say he had slit his wrists...i called his named keyworker and asked how could they discharge someone who was then cutting himself? they called him then called me back - they said "he says he is fine; so he is fine".

Op - how much is your H cooperating with the medical profresionals? how much is he recognising he has a problem and addressing it? does he recognize that attempting to kill himself so you would find him in bathroom - with dcs present - was anything "wrong"?

if he and his mum are brushing it under the carpet then it could be a problem...

do agree and reiterate - a counsellor for you is good idea tho...

Thank you all again for you support. The last couple of days have been a lot better than Wednesday for me - got my shouty bits out of the way and feel calmer. DH is still, obviously ill - depressed acting, but we are talking a bit about what happened which helps and MIL has been more supportive after the state she saw me in on Wednesday.

He is under the home crisis team and currently off meds becuase it seems to me that they have only made the situation worse. He's booking up some therapy sessions to have CBT so he can try and get to the bottom of what is causing his problems - he says he doesn't have a clue - good job, good family etc. We shall see what comes of that.

Am managing to go out to friends houses, swimming, shopping etc with the children and enjoy these times, it's just that my heart speeds up a bit every time I put my key in the door because I don't know what state DH will be in each time I get home. Living like that for 3 months + is getting very tiring.

People around me keep telling me to be positive around him - which I can do to an extent then I just snap/sulk whatever. Can't live a lie. My mum pushed me too far today saying that I shouldn't be going out, but should be letting the boys see their Daddy. Snapped at that - she is full of useless advice from the end of the phone, but hasn't actually been over since DH was out of hospital so has no idea what life is like here at the mo. Not the sort of support I need quite frankly. Thank God for my lovely friends who have offered shoulders to cry on!

I feel for you, but ime, that opening the door scenario never lifts.

I just wanted to say how sorry i am for you that this is happeneing in your family - a friend of mine went through this with her father adn eventuakky he was sucessful

What i would say is it is important to communicate with the crisis team - if they wont talk then please write to them and let them know your concerns - personally i would push for a section if you can - they cannot ignore letters as they can conversations

it is of importnace that you do all you can but you cannot be expected to watch for signs - if someone is intent on this action then they will make it happen - i know you know it but this is not about you and not a reflection on you and is not your responibility - and yes see a counsellor if it helps you but you are not the one with the problem here are you?

If you feel that this is heading in a direction you cannot handle please push for a section - you h can go in voluntarily of course - i wonder if you explained your side, explained your anxiety he might do that? it might give him and you a break and give them time to sort his meds in a controlled environment.

It is really hard to be positive around someone that you are feeling sorry for/are angey with/are a bit on eggshells with etc - this stuff is really complex emotionally for those around the person who made the attempt and people providing snap and advice (including me) can be really annoying....

be as kind as you can but look after yourself and your children - you seem to have your head on really straight by the sound of you.

I'm not convinced by the staying-positive advice. Sometimes people have to face up to that fact that their behaviour/choices include far-reaching consequences for others. Look after yourself and your DCs - do what you need to to get through.

I found I couldn't cope anymore in my situation with dp (now ex). I realised I couldn't be a good mummy and cope with dps problems at the same time. I was also afraid of the effect it would have on my little ones.
I was torn - you're supposed to help people through their difficulties & be loving and supportive, but the strain, the fear, the tension, the what-will-happen-next...I lived it for nearly a year. It was breaking me.
My dp turned it around and it became "my" problem - how I was/was not coping with his illness. He claimed he was better (he was plainly not), and began to suggest that it was me that was ill (not!).
That was the crunch.
With 2 small children in the house I had no choice but to get him to leave. As the months have gone past I don't feel guilty at not being a supportive partner anymore, just hugely relieved that I have a peaceful home and can give 100% to my children again.

I tried to commit suicide 6 years ago. Was deeply in debt and DH didnt know. suppose it was a cry for help and then i had a breakdown

he helped me supported me and took out a loan to put things right but ......

it eats away at a relationship

he told me he had forgiven me but obvioulsy he hadnt

maybe i should have been successful.

no,of course not moviegirl...its hard from both sides. are you ok now? you got help,moved on...add dc's to the equation and its extra hard.

see my post entitled "midlife crisis" thought things were going swimmingly until last Sunday night when told by DH that he had had enough, couldnt trust me and didnt know if he loved me any more. Had never forgiven me in first place

guess had been living lie for 6 years

all this after i asked about a woman on facebook

he left to go to a business meeting in Leeds and is staying"somewhere" until Monday to "think"

Have been punished for my sins so many times thought it was over but guess i get what i deserve

oh i'm sorry to hear that moviegirl. i'll have a look on your thread....hope you can work it out though,i doubt it all stems from one suicide attempt. you take care now

Gosh, how awful. Given the very drastic circumstances, try to get some serious help in - which might include sectioning. In my opinion you need all the outside help you can get in this instance - insist that the situation is drastic. Mental health issues are just as serious as any other health problem - don't allow yourself or partner to be fobbed off.

Was told about a website at a Mental Health and Wellbeing conference last week for an organisation called CALM the Campaign for Living Miserably it is for young men suffering from depression/at risk of suicide, I think they also have a help line number - might be a good place for your DH to try.

Remember that YOU and the DC matter TOO. If it is at the point where the whole family's lives are revolving around keeping him 'happy' then you need to consider asking him to leave and/or telling the health care professionals that you are asking him to leave the house because having him living there is having a negative effect on you and the children.
While I'm not an expert on this, someone who makes more than one attempt but each time uses methods that allow plenty of time for others to 'save' them might be doing it as a manipulative tactic.

I am so sorry this is happening. It sounds awful. You are a far better person than me - I know he is ill, but I'd be bloody furious!
Your mother is way out of line for suggesting you shouldn't be going out. You could always tell her that she is welcome to come over and sit with him.
And of course you should go out.
I am not knowledgeable in this area, but just wanted to say that I hope this situation improves for you...You too MovieGirl - I am glad you survived.