I am a 28 year old woman with a daughter nearly 5. I met my now husband when I was 16, actually 1 month away from being 17, he was 25. so have been together 11 years
For the first 5-6 years everything was great, we rarely argued, I never looked at another man was never interested. I felt like he was my best friend. We had a baby after about 6 years and that?s when things started to go wrong. To begin with I thought it was a money problem, when it was just the 2 of us we had well paid jobs and lived comfortably so never had any money worries after my daughter was born we obviously had a drop in my wages but he continued to spend like we still had the money we always had. Things haven?t improved with money, I now work full time again and have a 2nd job in a pub at weekends. He has got slightly better with spending, and he has given up smoking to help which is great but things are still just as bad as before. I always thought that we just had money problems and that if we could sort that out everything else would be perfect but im not sure.
Im worried that we have grown apart, he doesn?t show me any affection no cuddles and kisses, occasionally he does but not often. He rarely says he loves me and when I say that to him he says but you know I do. The problem is I don?t know he does cos he doesn?t show me he does. I feel like because im the one who deals with the bills and deals with everything else that?s important he just lets me get on with it, I want to be looked after, he is the man of the house and just doesn?t seem to care. We rarely go to bed together, I go always seem to go up first, we hardly ever have sex I know its not always about the sex but at 28 I want sex and he just doesn?t seem interested. He just doesn?t make an effort anymore, he is a lovely person, brilliant dad but just doesn?t make me feel special or wanted.
I have also lost some trust for him. Back in November I saw an email he was looking at, it was from a woman wanting to meet him. I got in to his emails and could see that he had signed up to a sex website. So I created a profile which was probably a bit under hand and wrong and I emailed him, he took the bait and arranged to meet her for no strings sex??..i lost the bottle to carry on but kind of wished I had waited to see if he did meet her. I confronted him and he said he joined the website for a laugh with the blokes at work and it was all a joke. I didn?t believe him and he moved out for a few days, I didn?t really want him to go back as soon as he did but my daughter and him kept on and so I gave in. I still don?t really trust him and i am finding it soooo hard when he gets a text and im checking his emails.
We hardly argue except about money and to the outside world we are fine, I just don?t feel fine. I feel I have grown up and changed and im just not sure if I want to be with him anymore. but then I worry about being a single mum and being lonely??I could plod along like this for ever pretending everything is ok but im not sure I want to anymore.
I have tried talking to him so many times and he just doesn?t listen, he doesn?t get what im saying. He seems to think apart from money were fine.
I just don?t know what to do and its so complicated because the mortgage, the house being in negative equity. My husband doesn?t really see his family so not sure where he would go and I don?t hate him so don?t want to hurt him.
Sorry this is soooo long!!!!!