Do you ever wonder/worry that you are turning into your mother?

[weegiemum]

I do.

My mother almost certainly has some form of OCD - knowing my childhood and the insane level of tidiness we had to achieve, including un-measurable amounts of baking, cooking etc. She's not diagnosed, but the habits surrounding the coathangers, pegs on the line, way in which we tidied and stored stuff, insane amounts of wiping surfaces etc points to this - we no longer speak due to other childhood issues (not least the fact she walked out with my Dad's best friend when I was 12, leaving us children behind, but anyway......)

Tonight I did the dishes after tea and then baked with my kids (well, made Rocky Road bar, not exactly baking ...) and then afterwards was seized with the idea that I was turning into her. After Mother's Day weekend which was shit (she left on the Monday after Mother's Day - who does that?) I was not ready to be exposed to the idea in my own head that I was turnign into her.

Does anyone else dread turning into your mother. Does anyone else actively decide not to - to the detriment of others (I am the world's worse housewife and I think it is my decision!).

I was fighting turning into my mother so much and then I realised I was turning into my mil instead - feckin frightening!!

That is scary!

But not so scary as turning into my mother - you haven't met her!!!

I am turning into my Mother, don't really mind though

It is OK if you don't mind.

However the whole idea terrifies me - really, when I think abotu it properly (trying not to now) it makes me freeze.

I will not be her. I WILL NOT

!!!!!!

Yes, but my mil is an alcoholic who just smiles at everyone and says "yes dear".

I can see what drove her to the alcohol now

I think weegie, that fighting it just makes you think about it more and before you know it, you are that person.

Think happy thoughts

• • happpyyyyy thoughtttssss * *

You have said that you're terrified of being like her, but are you like her??

You're not just thinking that coz you did a bit of baking are you? I baked this morning... shite, does that mean I'm turning into your Mother too???

From a very young age I swore I would be a completely different mother to my child(ren) than my mother was with me.

To a good degree I have achieved that as I am no way abusive and my son knows that I love him and he is the most important and as a result is a lovely, well behaved, complimented child etc etc; but, I do see her in me sometimes (namely raising voice/shouting too much) which really scares me. Actively conscious of it and making attempts to stop it.

I want my son to have a happy childhood.

The baking is it, I think .....

I was made to bake with my mother several times a week (what girls did .....)

I hated it.

I have rarely baked with mine as (1) don't want to stereotype my girls and (2) frightened they hate it as I did.

Yes,
I'm in therapy!!!!

Well, once they enjoy it and it's a 'fun' pastime rather than a chore which is what it seems it was to you, then what's the harm!

You're not your Mother, tis all gooooood!

It is because of this that I am hanging banksy's punk grannies on my bedroom wall.

For what it's worth I don't think that doing a bit of baking means you are turning into your mother. And the fact that you are so worried about becoming like her means you are self-aware enough not to.

I have a huge fear of becoming my mother, too. She was irrational, made strange decisions and hurt me quite deeply - we now have a strained and very distant relationship, which I have tried to repair without success. I am quite a logical person and know that I am nothing like her, but emotionally I still worry that I could do to my own daughter some of the things she did to me.

Not really, no. My (younger) sister has more or less morphed into my mother, but not me.

Hence I do quite often argue with my mother and my sister, and, in their eyes, am often in the wrong!

My mother was lovely, but I don't want to be her as she suffered from major self-esteem issues which absolutely crippled her. I do a bit, but nothing like she did. The other thing was that she died when she was a year older than I am now, which obviously doesn't appeal!

Weegiemum, baking may have bad associations for you, but I'm sure you realise in rational moments that in itself it is a very good thing to teach children (of either gender!). Even your mum would have done SOME things right, by the law of averages alone. Look on the skills she drummed into you as the compensation for the rest of the crap.

no, im not turning into my mother. even worse - im turning into my dad

My sister yelled at her kids the other day and I nearly hide under the kitchen table in fright. My mother has been reincarnated and is living in East Anglia.

I have spent the last 10 years or more trying not to be like my mother. Now as my marriage is breaking down I can see that I managed it in some of the big ways, but still managed to reflect her wants and her behaviour in smaller ones.

Thankfully I have (so far) managed to keep this stuff away from my DS, and I'm going into counselling (tomorrow!) so hope to be able to sort out the rest. The thought that I always have to fight it is very scary though

Being aware of why you're doing things is a good start. Do them for yourself or your kids, not because there's some nagging feeling somewhere that you should be doing it.

I am becoming more like my mother in certain ways (eg interests in life) but, in other ways I am very aware of issues she has with things like - a massive guilt complex which she beats herself up with and gives herself a hard time over permanently and which she passed onto us, being 'too' modest and humble about yourself in life and your achievements - which I believe has contributed to me having self-esteem issues and lack of confidence, and putting up with people's behaviour and not having boundaries. I have been in counselling for quite a while and you become aware of how you developed through your childhood. Sorry to get too heavy.

I must add that I think the world of my mother and there are many ways in which I do not mind turning into her.

I am terrified of this, someone said earlier that they do see similiarities when shouting/raising voice etc. I find this sometimes as well.

However I remember as a child never bothering to go to my Mum if I ever hurt myself because a. she wouldn't be all that bothered and b. you never knew what mood she would be in so best to avoid her. Remember being at the beach and my Aunt (dad's side) being there and asking if I wanted to look for shells with her, loved it. Next day we were there again and my Mum said today she would take us looking for shells - I didn't go, didn't want to be with her, she was just too unpredictable always losing her temper over nothing. My kids do not avoid me when hurt or otherwise, they actively seek me out and really seem to enjoy being with me, even above relations that they haven't seen for a while and love. I think as long as this is the case then I am holding her at bay!

I think I might be turning into my dad. (Personality wise, not having sex change or anything)