This post has not been easy for me to write, so please don't flame me. I am trying to get a sense of what is "normal" because quite frankly, I am not.
In short, I suffer(ed) from vaginismus, which means that whenever penetration is attempted, my vaginal muscles clamp up making sex painful (even for the man) and generally impossible.
For a while I saw a therapist on the NHS who gave me some dilators. I worked with these, gradually increasing in size, until penetration became easier and sex possible. It was always slightly painful, but I managed to enjoy it.
The years have passed and my sex life has now become non existent. I have no idea what would happen if I tried to have sex now. I have dug out my dilators and begun practicing with them again. I have made more progress than I did when I first started working with them all those years ago but it is still a struggle and is painful.
I suppose I am asking how sex is for you. Quite clearly I know I am not "normal" (which has always been hugely upsetting for me) but I wonder by how much.
Perhaps this is asking for TMI, but if you were at home on your own and had to just randomly insert something in you, how easy would you find it? Would it hurt? Or would you be able to insert something down there as easily as into your mouth, for example?
Does sex hurt for you if you are not "warmed up" or is it always easy? Do you get out of practice if you're "normal" or is it just freakish old me?
I don't know why I am asking this, I guess I just want to know how I measure up, if that's the right phrase.
I can't talk to anyone about this in real life.