Single, celibate and happy.

[CosmicMum27]

I'm new to Mumsnet, and having a great time reading through the wonderful threads!

I was wondering if there are other mothers who are happily single and in no rush to change that?

I'm 27 years old, and have been single for almost 5 years, it just so happens I have been celibate during that time too as I neither have the time nor desire for casual flings.

During this 5 year period I have had massive life transformations, such as home educationg, becoming self employed, moving countries, and also surviving a condition that almost killed me.

What I find most amazing though, is the very deep level of connection, self awareness, self acceptance and understanding I seem to now have for myself. I feel very empowered and confident, and also very sure of what I want from life, and the kind of partner I would seek in the future.

Ironically, it feels as though I have come to understand more about sex and love, than what I ever did when I was not single or celibate!

I firmly believe that all women should at some point in their life, take time out to discover themselves on all levels, to clear emotional baggage or past relationships, and to really become content with just You.

After all, the most important relationship we could ever have is with ourselves right?

Are there any other Mum's in a similar situation and frame of mind? Anyone experience clarity from celibacy and the single life?

In a way I am. I have been internet dating recently and seeing what's out there has made me more determined to be happy on my own IYSWIM.

I do definitely feel a level of peace I've not experienced in years and I realise that the past relationships I've had, have in fact brought me very little happiness.

Loads of people are scared to be on their own and I feel more sorry for them now.

I don't want to be on my own forever, but have been very lonely and unhappy in past relationships and it's so much more preferable!

I'm just entering that phase in my life now - knowing that I need to work on myself for an extended period of time before ever considering a relationship with someone else, needing space to reflect and grow, most of all - needing to work out why I make the choices I do in relationships, so that I don't repeat the same patterns forever!

I don't know that I will ever be happy to be celibate - I'm not that kind of person But as a fling isn't on the cards for me, I will just have to learn to like it. Or even love it. That's perhaps the point of being single for a good while: to reach the point where you don't need a man, but are complemented by being with one when you are with them purely out of choice and not a clawing, nagging emptiness or a desire to be 'completed'.

Hell, I've been celibate for six months IN a relationship, now that I am single and starting out on my own, it will be just the same. Except I feel more 'alive' than before, and more hopeful and positive which has got to be a good thing.

I'd love to hear from some more happy singletons on here!

how inspiring !

Lovely to hear from someone who doesn't need a man

at least, not right now

I am sure you will meet someone...but what a fab place you will be in, mentally, when you do

I'm single and happy, but wouldn't class myself as celibate as I like to go out and get a shag now and again, but don't want a relationship.

Y'know Cosmic I can see myself feeling the same as you. My husband left before Xmas and I had so many fears about being alone. But gradually they are falling away. I have my own home fab kids,and the chance to retrain in a new career. My husband had been cheating on me for 5 years (but I didnt know this). I hope a period alone will give me the peace and strength I didnt realise I could attain by myself.

'I firmly believe that all women should at some point in their life, take time out to discover themselves on all levels, to clear emotional baggage or past relationships, and to really become content with just You.

After all, the most important relationship we could ever have is with ourselves right?'

Totally agree with you CosmicMum, just wish I had the guts to pack my bags and leave...

I'm single and happy with it most of the time. I'm not looking for a relationship atm but that may change. Don't think anyone would want me so I have to accept it might not change even if/when I do want one.

I'm not celebate though. I do worry that that might change when I get more wrinkled and I cannot find anyone to not be celebate with.

I have a job that meets the bill. Little bit of financial back-up, own house. Can do most things that need doing in it. A DD who has turned out good despite me bringing her up alone. She is becoming more like a best friend nowadays. Close family to socialise with.

I am married, celibate (don't like to be), and unhappy. I like this thread.

This thread gives me a bit of hope. I am married but recently separated and the whole thought of finding someone else in the future is scary. I really think I might be happier alone. Nice to hear that some people are.

I am happy single but am finding celibacy hard to deal with and really not sure what to do about that. Like others though, I have ended up celibate when stuck in a rubbish relationship so overall it's better this way.

I live in a big city and think about moving out but wonder if it would be harder to be single in a small town. Would it be more difficult to go out and do things alone and would some view you with suspicion as out to steal a man? It's so easy to be anonymous in the big city.

Well, I've been single and celibate for 17 yrs now, chose to have children on my own (using a donor), during this time and whilst, in my 30's, felt like I still wanted a man, no longer do. I'm not sure I'd have coped with celibacy in my 20s as those were my 'wilder' years but feel I've outgrown the need for a relationship, for sex and couldn't even now imagine anything different.

I'm completely independent, running my own full-time business single-handedly - though as I've posted about before, life isn't all that easy....BUT...

So I absolutely second what you've said, although your potential for relationships in the future, after time out - is greater than mine, at almost 47 and an old bag by now, I guess! - in a hag-like, wrinkled, grey way!

The good thing is that I no longer care what men might think of me. It was very liberating to become a mother on my own and relaise that such a lot of what I was after in a man was as a potential father of my children.

Now I've got a completely different attitude towards men...no longer 'need' them, although appreciate them and if I ever did have a partner again, he'd definitely have to be first and foremost a friend and equal, rather than a sex-god!!!...except maybe once or twice a year, when the 'sap rises'

Poor Autumnlight - try divorced, shagged and happy.

Do what you want
When you want
Where you want
with who you want

What's not to like?