Will I ever stop loving / wanting him?????

[Worldturnedupsidedown]

Thats the question in a nutshell.....My dh left nearly a year ago..so much has happened since then, but to sum things up, he is very much involved in a relationship (within weeks of us splitting!!) and we are now divorced.

If I'm honest, the whole experience has devastated me and still does. I wear a 'face' now that I'm okay as I think all my friends must be so bored of listening to me going on about it. I am going out, meeting new men etc etc etc

But......I miss my ex so much (even tho he was such a shit to me in the end. Most of the time I am okay but then it hits me like a steam train that we are no longer together. I constantly think about him...even have weird dreams about him and her. Can't stop dwelling about what happened and why. I have had counselling etc but just feel this pull towards him even tho I know we will never be together and never could be as he treated me so badly.

We don't communicate really at all, only via text and email for the ds & dp. Everyone says how good we were together blah blah blah; which actually makes it worse :-(
I am actually starting to think I will carry this warped torch for him forever and never be able to love / lust anyone else again.

Sorry for my droning ladies.......

I'm really sorry. You're not droning at all. Of course it's painful.

Someone far more qualified than me will come along and help you.

Have you tried writing the story of your relationship? The true story. Detail everything he did to you and how it made you feel? Just for you I mean, not for publishing! Sometimes just seeing it in black and white can help you. Over time, people tend to romanticise a bad relationship. If you have it warts and all, that can't happen to you.

It's hard I know but it sounds like you're well on the road to recovery already. You've had counselling, you're dating other men and you've said that "most of the time I'm ok."

It's only been a year so cut yourself some slack. You WILL fall in love again, I promise you. You're just not ready yet.

so so sorry. Its so horrible. My H left almost a year ago too. Its an unbelievably hard time - and youve gone through the divorce too -which I havent.

A few suggestions:

Join a divorce/separation support group. I havent yet but have been told they are helpful. You meet folk going through the same as you and make new friends etc

Join the Road to recovery thread on here for dumplings (dumped wives)- lots of folk who know you dont get over everything after a year and here to support each other

Join another online forum -Im a member of one for spouses of mid life crisis husband/wives and its been really helpful and met up in real life and become friends with some of them.

Keep posting here for support too. Take care of you

nope. youre stuffed

Thanks for your advice ladies. I think it hurts so much still as I can't believe he could move on so quickly without me in his life as we were so close :-(

until it gets better. which it will. until then its effink horrid. which is all part of it. you will be ok

if he has moved on that fast and first, he is probably an emotional itinerant. They are boring and usually not very fecund or loaded

move on. xx

too many move ons there. sorry. myself.

Can I just say that is really isn't very long at all - I know it feels like an age but a year is nothing.

The hardest thing in these situations is just acceptance of how it is and not spending all the time questioning the whys and wherefores but just saying this is how it is - i hate it but there it is. Now i say this as someone who has always been shite at acceptance of situations....... so wtf do i know? But what I do know is that i have wasted ages on trying to understand someone elses motives - it has been pointless for me personally because it didn't change anything.

Be kind to yourself and act as if you are fine, even if you feel shit try to smile at someone and keep moving forwards. Someones bad behaviour towards you is not a reflection on what sort of person you are, it is a reflection on them only.

This will pass honestly it will.

From what I can gather men do move on at a frightening pace.
Someone told me that it's their way of moving on from herat break. I think it's got more to do with being a twat but hey- that's just me.
Hope you feel better soon op. Keep putting on that brave face and getting out there but also allow yourself to grieve properly too so a little/big cry won't hurt.

Yes, you will. Believe me. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. And one day you WILL wake up and really not give a shit about him, where he is, what he's doing, what he's thinking. You just won't care at all. I promise you. It's wonderful and you will get there!

Yes. He's a twunt. Otherwise you wouldn't have split up.

Shiney is spot on as always. Take a break, have time out, get your own head sorted before you even think about having another relationship. You will move on if you follow Shiney's points. But please don't beat yourself up because you loved him and he let you down. It isn't your fault.

We can all be taken in, and most probably have been at some point. I was certainly and it was painful, and I felt a right idiot, but I did get over it and reach the indifference stage after a while. The fact that he didn't respond equally isn't your fault. Just hold your head high and demand higher standards from the next chap that you meet. Put yourself first. If he's the one, he'll understand.