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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If you were a single parent and have since found love...

20 replies

megajumbo · 12/03/2010 15:11

How long were you on your own for and how old were your dc?

Where/how did you meet your new partner and how did your relationship develop?

How easy was it to trust them and to believe in love again?

I'm asking partly through nosiness and love of a good romance and partly to give me hope that I will find love again (although I'm not ready yet)

OP posts:

Original poster

megajumbo · 12/03/2010 15:12

Sorry that reads as though I'm gathering material for something, I'm not I promise!

OP posts:

ShinyAndNew · 12/03/2010 15:17

Dd1 was 10 months old. I invited my friend and her baby round as she was skint and could not afford to go out/get a babysitter.

Niether of us could be bothered to go to the shop after the wine ran out. She suggested that her 'fag man' (he was selling cheap cigs at the time) would go if we each bought some ciagerettes off him.

By the time he came the heating had broken and we were freezing so invited him in to try and mend the fire for us.

After that he would find an excuse to pop in and see my friend (she spent most Friday and Saturady evenings at mine), or he would 'forget' something at my house and have to return to collect the next evening.

One day he just didn't go home. I found it easy to trust him at the time, he was the perfect gentleman. Great with dd1 loved doing things with us both, helped in the house, was always supportive and complimentary etc . But he has since proved himself to be a bit of a wanker.

ANTagony · 12/03/2010 15:26

DS's were 1 and 3 when ex left. I met a few people after about a year. Met DP around 2 years on my own and felt we really hit it off. Dated for a few weeks, then he met DS's. got engaged after about four months and married last October. We got engaged because I needed to sell my house and it had been on market since ex left and suddenly sold. DP didn't want me to move out of area. I guess it forced the issue.

We met through Match. I also met a few weirdos and quite a few nice people that were just nice.

I guess I'll never trust in the way I did my ex if I'm really honest. He was (is) a parenting author and had become very abusive to DS's and me, alongside having an affair and draining the bank accounts.

I love my DP and I'm very happy with him but also I will always want and need to keep a bit of my life for me. Maintain the odd hobby and bit of independence for myself. I feel I didn't do that before.

I think that dating again was a really good experience. I treated it fairly light heartedly (most of the time). There was a really good thread going in the single parents area that helped me stay sane. I don't think that dating and being ready for being in love are the same thing. Getting out and making an effort for yourself when you're life is mainly focused around your DC is definitely a good thing. Good for self confidence as well.

Hope this helps

Original poster

megajumbo · 12/03/2010 15:27

Sorry to hear that, were you together long?

OP posts:

Original poster

megajumbo · 12/03/2010 15:29

Thanks Ant, good advice there.

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templemaiden · 12/03/2010 15:40

My ex and I split when I was pg with DD2.

When she was 5 months old (13 months later) I joined a dating site. Had a few dates, a couple of them turned into short lived relationships, then met OH 3 weeks before DD2 turned one - he met my family for the first time at her birthday party.

DD1 was 7 when we met.

It was very easy to fall in love with him less easy to trust him.

Not because of anything he did, but I found it hard to shake the idea that men meeting single women on dating sites were automatically paedos after their kids. Especially as the guy I was seeing briefly before I met OH was very weird with my 7yo DD1 (overly affectionate, touching her, picking her up and wanting hugs and kisses, all at their very first meeting), which was one of the main reasons we split up.

So that was very much at the forefront of my mind.

It did take me a while to get over that, even though I did love him and I desperately WANTED to trust him and believe that he was as genuine and nice as he appeared to be, and wasn't just faking it to get to my girls.

Original poster

megajumbo · 12/03/2010 15:45

Having dc makes you think about everything so much more doesn't it? It's not just you at stake...

OP posts:

nomorewine · 12/03/2010 15:49

Had been separated 6 months when I first met DP. I was still living in the same house as ex h while we waited for it to sell.
Was out for Christmas drinks with friends (as was DP) and bumped into each other when I was on my way to the toilets (very romantic!!. Can't remember how we got talking but remember thinking he seemed a really nice bloke & looked good too! As we talked, we realised our situations were very similar (had both been married & recently spilt up. He had separated from his wife 3 months before me, but he had no children), and he asked if I wanted to go for a drink sometime.
I had to refuse at first as didn't want to start dating while still in the same house as ex h, but thought he was too good to let slip by, so I gave him my number.

We text for a while (just friendly texts) then decided to stop contact while I got myself sorted, as was going through stressful time with finding somewhere to live etc.

Fast forward 8 months, and I had been in my own house a month, so decided to send him a text, just on the off chance.
A month later we had our first date & 2 years 7 months later we are still together, and I have recently found out I am pregnant.

My boys were 4 and 7 (nearly 8) at the time, and we waited until a good 5 months into the relationship before introducing them. They both love him, and he is very good with them. Has more patience than me at times, that's for sure!

4andnotout · 12/03/2010 15:49

Twunting xdp legged it when I was 6 months pregnant with dd1.

I was totally uninterested in men until she was 16 months and then had a 9month relationship but ended it when it was apparent it had no future.

I met dp a couple of months later, he was friends with my parents and I fancied him instantly, we got together when dd was 2 and have been together for the past 6 years and 3 further daughters.

Dd1 calls dp dad and has done from the day he moved in, xdp wanted no contact as he immediately married someone else and Im not sure he even told her about dd.

nomorewine · 12/03/2010 15:50

Oh & he is a lovely genuine guy, so it has been very easy to trust him.

Original poster

megajumbo · 12/03/2010 16:03

OP posts:

maduggar · 12/03/2010 16:14

How long were you on your own for and how old were your dc?

Was on my own for about 2.5 years, my children were aged 4 & 2.5

Where/how did you meet your new partner and how did your relationship develop?

We met online, found we lived near each other so met for a drink. Didnt move in together until we had been together 3 years, so took it slowly.

How easy was it to trust them and to believe in love again?

Very easy, because he was so different from my ex, and because we took things very slowly.

It has now been 5 years, we have a dc together and are getting married in May

Original poster

megajumbo · 12/03/2010 17:08

Congratulations

OP posts:

MiniMousse · 12/03/2010 21:33

ah this thread is giving me hope! Don't think any man has looked at me sideways since before I was pg. (ex and I split just before I found out I was expecting).
Would love to find Mr TRULY Right, but think I have more chance of flying to the moon at the mo. Lovely to read all these stories tho.

Original poster

megajumbo · 14/03/2010 11:36

It's nice isn't it mini?

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chocolatespiders · 14/03/2010 14:30

was single and loved being single for 4 years

got in touch with a good male friend from school exchanged texts etc for abut a year then he invited me to his birthday party... as soon as i walked in the attraction was instant and thankfully mutual.. nothing happened that night but we went on dates etc and we are loving every min we get to spend togther...

he hasnt met my dc's yet - we have been togther 5 months now.... i know it will happen when i am ready but for now i am loving spending time just me and him...

Trust i am not sure i have been let down so many times in the past and i guess thats why i am guarded regarding the dc's but i really really hope in time it will come because he is such a fab bloke who makes me feel like no one else ever has..

coldtits · 14/03/2010 14:35

2 years

They were 2 and 5 when I found Lurve

hard to believe in love but you cannot lock your heart in a box

coldtits · 14/03/2010 14:38

I introduced him to the kids as 'my friend' as they were too young to really understand the complexities of relationships, but are well used to my fiends being here.

KindaLingers · 14/03/2010 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Shodan · 14/03/2010 14:46

Split up from xh when ds1 was 3 1/2.(2000)

Was on my own for 3 years, met DH on a very drunken night out in a nightclub. We did dating for a few months before he met ds1.

Married him 2 years later, we now have ds2.

I trusted him right from the start. He's that kind of bloke. Solid, reliable, kind. (And tall dark handsome sexy and rich to boot. Well ok not rich. But 'comfortable'.)

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