More of a WWYD really, My strange family and the fact that they all cant stand my ds.

[meatntattypie]

So my dsis & her 7 year old dd live with my mum.
I have another dsis who has an 8 year old.
my ds is 6.
They make no bones about the fact that they dislike him and think there is something wrong with him....there isnt they are just completely intolerant.

SO i dont ever take him to my mothers or to my sisters house...EVER.

They never ask about him, have no interest in him and thats the way it has always been,

yes i was upset about it, yes we have all had words about it but the problem is both me & ds adore my niece & nephew.
So tonight we were invited to my neices birthday party.
There were other kids there,and i had hoped that they would be more tolerant of ds nowadays but he couldnt do anything right.
so we stayed for an hour, it was all my nerves could take, made my excuses and left.

wwyd?
I just keep him away from them all but he does miss out.

What sort of thing happens, typically? In what way are they critical of your ds?

well he is a very active child, in their opinion he is too loud, too boystrous and they think he has ADDH or the like.

My neice and nephew are very quiet children, neice loves reading/colouring/watching dvds, lovely quiet calm kid.
dnephew loves x box, weei and his ds, doesnt bother any one.
ds loves his scooter, trampoline, making dens in the living room and needs to be "exersized" twice a day!
My mums house is a tiny bungalow, with 7 children crammed in for a party (my 2 sisters and mother cant stand children so invited 2 kids from dns class, no more)

because he isnt like their kids.
they have told me and my sister looks at him like she has stepped in something when ever she sees him (about twice a year, for literally moments)

Hmmm my ds sounds like your son. He is only 3 though so bit different but there's no excuse for your family's dislike of him. It's just not on - does he pick up on it?

When you say he's very active etc if youre only going to your mums for a short time cant you tire him out beforehand and tell him he has to be quiet etc for an hour or so then you will go to the park or whatever.

Ds, like I say is 3, but he knows that when we visit elderly relatives for example he cant climb around or squeal etc and has to do jigsaws /read / play quietly and he will do that - we only go for short visits though!

I would never want to stifle ds though and if my family behaved like yours am not sure Id bother to try and accomodate them but then they did invite you to dn's party - was it a bit of an olive branch?

I would be interested to know where your own placement in the family falls, whether or not you were always a bit of a family scapegoat.

I was and my parents tried to put my ds in the same place, more with slagging off my parenting (he was only 2 so they couldn't start on him quite yet), he was naughty, spoilt, I had no rules for him, was bringing him up badly etc.

Might of been ok to do it to me but not to my ds. I told them what I thought of them and didn't see them for a year, now they are doting grandparents but I don't trust it will remain permanent.

Fwiw your ds sounds lovely and I too would keep him away until they can learn to appreciate him. If you really don't want to do that then I would adopt a bright and breezy, yes so what! kind of attitude and certainly wouldn't tell him off or allow them to for being a NORMAL active child.

I am just SO anxious around them when i have him with me. Egg shells as i know as soon as we have left they will be ripping him to peices.

They are very opinionated.

He is quite normal, they disagree.

do they have a point about him?

what do you mean Gordian?

Can you perhaps meet them out, park etc rather than take him there.

Your ds will pick up on your anxiety and come to dislike going to see them, though quite frankly that sounds like a good thing! Kids know when people don't like them. My Dad is quite old school and all about the discipline, which ds finds quite scary having never really experienced that so tends to act out even more.

Is keeping him away for a while a possibility or like I said only meeting up in outdoor locations.

Gordian op says that they are disinterested in him and never ask about him and also give him dirty looks. Hardly the actions of a sympathetic family. Even if they did have point it is not a very positive or supportive way of dealing with it is it?

No i keep him away from them completely, do nothing socially with them and ds.
if i go to my mums, i go alone. they never ask about him.
This is the first time they have seen him today since last April at my nepehws party (outside venue, was brill and so much more relaxed)

Have you asked them why they are like this? I would. I feel so sorry for your little boy sounds like he is already being cast in the role of family black sheep at only 6 years old. Very nasty.

I dont know how to explain it.
We always have my friends kids here and ds goes to thiers...with no problem.
School are happy and pleased with him. he has lots of friends and dneice and Dnephew absolutely love him and LOVE coming to our house to play.

My family do not like children, my sisters both actively HATE all children (they kinda tolerate their own children)

How do they treat you and how were you treated by them while growing up?

They are fine with me, but have a poor opinion of each other...behind each others backs!
I have always said that my parents should never have had kids. my upbringing was not an easy one.

They sound like Roald Dahl's The Twits! How horrid for you. I can't bear it when people are mean behind other people's backs either - I always believe they will be doing the same to me as soon as I'm out of the room. I would have to challenge them if they were horrid about a 6 year old boy - the poor mite. Just don't take him there if you can avoid it and invite dniece and dnephew over so they can play. Your ds needs protecting from their opinions - imagine suggesting he is not normal! Ffs makes me just thinking about it!

I know the PC thing to do is to find a middle ground, to try and maintain some kind of contact for the sake of the cousins.

BUT, tbh, the adults will soon pass their obnoxious and poisonous feelings towards your DS through their DC, so he'll get it not only from the adults, but from the kids too.

What would I do? Engineer a visit sans DC and have it out, once and for all with the sisters and the mum too - cos she is either joining in or tolerating this disgusting behaviour towards her GS, your DS. If it ruptures everything between you and your sisters/mum whatever, it's well deserved. How absolutely DARE they be so nasty about a little boy, their nephew? theirs own sisters DS?

FWIW, your DS does sound boisterous and energetic, and I daresay he may be a handful, but that's normal!!!! The way you describe the cousins, they sound a little too quiet.... mark my words, they will kick off and rebel in their teens, and we are talking HUGE problems.

You know your DS is fine, the school knows your DS is fine, he has friends of his own. Your nieces and nephews sound freakish tbh.

Stuff em, stick with your DS and your family, they are not worth your time. If you keep exposing your DS to their poison, it'll affect his self esteem and they are not worth that, no-one is.

If my family were this rude to my DS, I swear to God, there would be serious arse kicking. I am soooo on your behalf.

I would not be having anything to do with them if they were my family......he's a child fgs!!

it sounds, to be honest, like your parents didn't like children very much and your sisters don't either. So their kids are quite possibly being brought up in a "seen and not heard" kind of way and are being moulded so as to be as minimally present or disruptive as possible in their parents lives.

They don't like your son's freedom to be a proper child; it unnerves them. He makes noise and jumps around and enjoys his life - gosh how awful!! Take him away!

Bin them off. They are loons.

I would just invite your niece and nephew over but not your sisters!

Thanks every one.
You are spot on about the self asteem thing, that is why i keep him away from them all.

The reason my neice and nephew love coming to my house is because they are allowed to play and be heard!
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My sisters say that they know there are no rules and so i let them be as loud and annoying as they want......there ARE rules and they are all expected to abide by them, its just that my rules dont include "there must be silence at all times"

They are odd about children yes.
But neice and nephew are just scrumptious and we love having them round (AlONE)

Then my sisters claim that thier kids are very naughty when ever they have been at my house....so i cant do anything right can i.

Not to worry, im the fun auntie and ds is their bestest cousin...cant argue with that!!

{{hugs}} I know exactly what you are going through, I don't really want to go into my details on such a public forum, but the only way for us was to not go around again, caused too much upset, its their loss..