I think I might have a personality disorder - help!

[templemaiden]

I have always been a bit odd, although I think I have got better in recent years.

I have never liked people - especially people I don;t know. I don't have thaty knack of walking into a room full of strangers and striking up a conversation with someone.

I have been taking my dd to playgroup for over a year now and I still am the one who sits in a corner by myself while every else chats away merrily.

I find most people boring and stupid and have no interest in the minutiae of their lives, and find it difficult to belive that anyone would be interested in my life. I would rather talk to their 3 year olds than them!!

However . . .

I do have a few close friends who I can talk forever to, I have a very good relationship with a man who is actually very like me in many ways - our arguments are interesting as we both employ the same methods of winding each other up!! He is better in social situations than I am though.

I have been reading the NPD thread with interest and actually find that I do some of the things that the husbands on there are being accused of doing - I do do the silence thing during arguments - I completely switch off and ignore what is going on around me. But I do love my partner and my children deeply - I am not empty or a putrid onion with layers of normality over a rotten core.

I did a brief online diagnosis (yes I know they are not accurate) but I was freaked at how many questions I was forced to answer yes to, although if you had asked me a few years ago, there would have been more. I had "high" results on Paranoid, Schizoid, Histrionic, Narcissistic and Obsessive-Compulsive so now I'm completely freaked.

So, can anything actually be done? I don't want to be weird

Sorry you are so worried. I haven't a clue what to suggest but would be interested at trying the same test, if you are able to share where you found it?

Maybe if a few of us take it you might find we all score highly...or something!

In the meantime you sound very normal and nice to me, but then again I am well known as a proper freak

it's all subjective.

You need to ask yourself what a diagnosis would bring to your life. Do you want help with this, is it something you're bothered about, or do you feel okay about being who you are?

Personality disorders are complex and overlapping - after all, they're defined by exaggerated versions of traits that we all share to some extent - and from what I understand, treatment is more geared towards learning to live with a diagnosis rather than 'curing' a particular personality. A diagnosis also won't necessarily define you, since PDs are as individual as personalities themselves.

Hi. For what it's worth, if it's worrying you and you want to change, then I would get some help. I believe that if you are determined to change, then you can. Good Luck

It's here:

www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

The more I read that thread the more worried I become and then someone mentions something really bad and I think "Well, at least I don't do THAT!"

www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

Sorry - didn't realise you had to do weird things to make it a link.

There's a lot of good info about PD on the Mind website, also Rethink, Mental Health Foundation and others.

You sound very honest to me - unfortunately this isn't always what's required for rubbing along in social circumstances, but OTOH I think that can be a bit overrated too.

It's not the done thing to say so but a lot of people are boring and stupid - however a lot aren't and I think you can write people off on first appearances and then realise there's more to them, it's just that they don't mind interacting on a very shallow level at first. So that's one downside of being like this - you can miss out on getting to know people you would like.

But, you have a partner and some friends you are close to so I doubt that you've got some disorder that makes you really unpleasant to be around. It sounds more as if you don't find social chit-chat and getting on with everyone easy, and only bother if you really click with someone. I can totally relate to that, though I think it is possible to get better at chit-chat and I'm probably better at it than I used to be, though it still doesn't come naturally. But we're all different. I know people who can get on with anyone and everyone instantly, but have trouble with forming deeper relationships for example.

Counselling might help if you're really worried. Are you new to MN? I find it's great for me because it's not really about smalltalk and you can get to the heart of whatever matter it is you want to discuss, without social awkwardness as no one is looking at you (one thing I find hard).

If you are really concerned, first port of call could be a GP, who can recommend someone to assess you?

Mind you, what you're describing sounds quite normal. Something my dad told me that I've never forgotten was that in the early 80s his work decided to give psychological questionnaires to everyone (this being a new and trendy idea then). They found that virtually the entire workforce - some 400 people - checked boxes saying they were shy, that they didn't think they were good at socializing. It's something most people worry about at some point or other and if you think about symptoms of disorders for long enough, you will end up thinking you've got that disorder.

templemaiden you sound quite normal to me!

Or maybe I'm not either

I find it difficult to break into large groups of people and at school for e.g. I rarely chat to other parents. I find large groups of people I don;t know intimidating.

However like you I have a few very good, close friends, and nothing wrong with that.

I think the most important thing is you have insight into your behaviour and would like to change it.

I know my own behaviours / reactions to things often stem purely from anxiety - is that something you feel?

I know I can be a little bit obsessive sometimes but I don;t insist on turing the loo roll round like some MNers

It's all relative

If you care about whether you might have a PD because of the effect it might be having on your nearest and dearest, then you probably don't have one. If it's all about you and how you would prefer to perceive yourself, then I would go and have an assessment done.

Ok! In my opinion you DO NOT have NPD! A person who is Narcissistic would never contemplate the fact that they might have a disorder! My mother is narcissistic and the reason I know I'm not is because I have worried about it as you do. My mother believes everyone should love her and the world revolves around her. You don't sound a bit like that.

I agree with previous post. Some people are boring! I can remember when my children were small some of the conversations I had to endure, how many nappies a day people changed, who had cleaned their house from top to bottom, hours of chat about Flash with Bleach, how many socks people had ironed! It was so frustrating! So I went to university!

I like you had been the quiet one in the corner. But surprise surprise with intellectual conversation I can participate and with the raised self esteem I now have an amazing amount of confidence in comparison. I now love meeting people and believe I have something valuable to offer. However, I would still run six times around the world to avoid conversations about washing powder or toilet duck!

I have had counselling and it has helped enormously. I believe it's always an investment to have a few sessions occasionally. Give it a go as CBT will help you to break out of that cycle of stinking thinking and raise your self esteem.

You can be a beautiful butterfly emerging with the right stimulating company and self belief. but also remember that some people are more introverted and that's OK too, as long as youvsre comfortable with yourself.

I hope things go well for you as you find people you have more in common with!

marineiguana hits the nail on the head perfectly! There's nothing abnormal at all about finding (many) people dull, pithy and pointless. You readily admit you have great relationships with a select few, laughing and joking, teasing each other and enjoyable conversation.

Arguing by "tuning out" is not a nice way to deal with somone - especially if it's your husband or child, but it's not the end of the world if you do it to some random person you really don't care about!

I don't think the test in the link is all that accurate - it came out as me being unlikely to have OCD - when I have official diagnoses.

Just thought I'd add my 10 cents! For what it's worth, you sound quite like me! I think some people are just more reserved than others. I've always been shy, I can remember people commenting on it as some of my earliest memories.
I struggle to relate to people easily, some people just connect and pick up friends easily, that doesn't happen to me. I have to work very hard in social situations. I don't like affection, this is hard for my husband. I am also too honest, although I can lie in some situations, if I'm asked a direct question the honest response comes out of my mouth before I can stop it. There are lots of situations where it would be good to be dishonest, like when my husband asks me if he's put on weight! The list of my quirks goes on...
My theory is that I have inherited many characteristics from my Dad who has aspergers. I'm not too worried about it though. My Dad copes with it and it has been very successful in life. Sometimes I think about speaking to someone about it and getting a diagnosis. I'm coping though.
If you feel like this is making you unhappy then I think it might be worth having a chat with your GP as a starting point. With regard to playgroups, I always find the majority of people there are not my cup of tea, but there will be one or two you can chat with. I usually strike up a chat by asking them about their child, mums have so much common ground. Having said that I've been to some where I've found all the mums really cliquey.
Anyway, this was more rambly than I planned, sorry!

ok i just did the test and got low for everything - i have been married to a NPD/BDP and whoever said it yes, an NPD would never consider themselves to have anything wrong it is everyone else they blame - that is not to say that other personality disorders could be playing a part, there are lots to choose from.

If I were you, I would perhaps telephone mind or someone like that and talk it through, generally speaking being aware something is wrong is a good indicator, that said, if you feel that it is affecting you making friends etc and you are isolated then you should address it. You clearly thought something was wrong or you wouldn't have been doing the test in the first place - talking to someone would do you no harm and in fact may well put your mind at rest.

'There's nothing abnormal at all about finding (many) people dull, pithy and pointless.' Actually I don't agree, this doesn't sound very normal - and in the OP the line 'I find most people boring and stupid and have no interest in the minutiae of their lives' worries me also. I must have missed it before.

That doesn't sound like a healthy response to other people. I find it hard to believe anyone would be interested in my life, but not the other way round.

I am becoming this way. I used to be able to do the 'small talk' thing, but now either I can't or can't be bothered, I don't know which tbh.

I can't stand talking about the minutiae of my life or other's lives. However, I love an intellectually stimulating discussion about anything really, whether it's something I know very little about or a lot about.

I also have a few very close friends and don't really bother with shallow aquaintances and don't really care either.

I just think it's horses for courses and if you are happy and comfortable within yourself and with your life and the people closest to you are happy to be around you, then you have nothing to worry about and nothing to try and change.

sausage I think it's more worrying (from my pov) that you don't think you're interesting enough to pique the interest in others. Fuck what you think of other people - you should think that you yourself are bloody fabulous! I'm serious here, it sounds as though you don't believe in yourself.

Slight hijack, soz, but exotictraveller if you can't be bothered with small talk, how do you ever get to the point of intellectually stimulating discussion? Isn't it all about building relationships?

I only ask because I used to know a lovely girl who always conversed in the most inane way, but only recently realised it was because I personally gave her nothing to go on - no boring minutiae etc. I must have been awfully hard work, but she kept trying, because she was a kind, generous person. Why not share your views about odd socks or pushchairs? It is the only place to start.

mitfordsisters, I suppose I have long standing friends with whom I have intellectually stimulating conversations. And I occasionally meet a 'new' person with whom I 'click' and feel immediately that we are on the same wavelength and we sort of skip the small talk stage and move straight on to the interesting stuff. So in this way I manage to almost completely avoid small talk.

My last sentence was inaccurate.
What I meant was that my life is fine with me, while not of note to anyone really - but even if I don't find other people's that compelling, I think to assume they are all stupid and boring in their own right would indicate a problem with my own perceptions.

Try this test
I bet you come out as a perfectly normal INT (J or P) type

I came out as an ENFJ - what is that then?

• slightly expressed extravert
• moderately expressed intuitive personality
• distinctively expressed feeling personality
• slightly expressed judging personality

am i perfectly normal???????

No - definitely in need of help