Mosschops mother strikes again .............

[mosschops30]

yes just when you think it cant get any worse after the mothers day incident she rings me this morning and leaves a msg on answerphone in whiney voice 'mosschops, just phoning to let you know I went to the doctor about my rib, anyway will ring you later'
She then rings me immediately on my mobile and asks why I didnt answer the phone (because I had ds2 asleep on my lap).

She then proceeds to tell me that the doctor says her rib isnt broken after falling off a chair on saturday. Although she doesnt actually believe him and the converstaion went a bit like this:
'oh the pain is so bad I could cry'
'its like a knife in my side'
'what do you think it could be'
'Id rather die than have pain like this because its so bad'

So i thought Id play her game and said 'well it could be a massive tumour', which is actually what she wants it to be given that she has had dexa scans/mri scans/CT scans/colposcopy/colonoscopy and every other thing you can imagine, without there ever being anything wrong. Shes never even had an operation.
She decided then to move on about the mothers day present which arrived this morning:
'I take it its not earings seeing as its a big package'
'No its a dead rat, just think of all the things you can do with it, you could use it as padding on your bad rib'

Afetr a few words about me being sarcastic and difficult she changes tact and starts talking about her funeral and how she would like the coffin left unscrewed, with a mobile phone inside and thats shes left it all in her letter. She also says 'I know you'll be shouting hurrah at the altar!. So I tell her we're not planning on a proper. funeral for her, we'll just drop her in the sea.

She then goes back to the pain and I say 'yes I know all about pain, I have it every day, but you'll just have to take the tablets the doctor suggestef and hope it will get better'
To which she replies:
'yes well I cant imagine what youve been through, but I found someone with a bag over their head so I guess we all have things to deal with'.

Absolutely fucking bonkers!!!!!! But she is not wearing me down today

Well done on not rising to the bait...I thought your responses were hiliarious btw What did you send her in the end?

a toilet bag for holidays bloody £15 too

OK I'm guessing your not your mums biggest fan here
my SIL is like your mum , she has had every test under the sun for imaginary conditions & has now been barred from her local hospital . you seemed to have handled your mum well on the phone though .

well today, but some days its impossible to cope with her. Shes like a demanding child, but worse.
She kept saying 'but in 65' this morning as if she was the oldest person that had ever lived!

I'm that you gave in and sent present...although that's probably the right course of action and the Filly-approach (sending a home made card and refusing to discuss mothers day ever again) might not have gone down too well.

Although I'm beginning to wonder whether you shouldn't try some of those toddler-taming tricks (ignoring bad behaviour, refusing to engage, praising the good stuff, not being emotionally blackmailed) on your dm?

God she sounds just like mine (who isn't speaking to me at the moment because I had a miscarriage and wasn't paying her enough attention).

I agree, the solution is not to let her affect you - but it is easier said than done.

yes fillybuster i think thats the way to go. She was waffling on this morning about something and I just ignored the whole lot and said 'ds2 has just done a little fluff on my lap' she wasnt impressed, shed much rather talk about her.
When she wants to be nice she can be, but she does have these mad days which involve massive amounts of attention seeking and trying to back me into saying something
(yes you do look very young'
'I will cry the rain at your funeral and never be the same again'
'yes I agree your doctor is wrong and even though you fell from the chair its obviously something far more serious'
I find all the talk about funeral stuff quite unecessary though, who's mother does that I ask you???? I bet no-ones!

pollyanna so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, how devastating, and what a pisser to have a mother who cares more about herself that how you are feeling (i know it too well).

I just cant imagine ever doing that with my children. Even when my insides were hanging out I wanted them to wheel me to ds1's primary school to see his play

no, I can't imagine treating my children like my mum has treated me either. I swore never to do the whole martyr thing with my children when I was a child going through it.

My mum talks about her funeral and dying alot too!

Is it an NPD thing doing that?

Yes martyr is deffo the right word for it.

The funeral/dying thing is something that my grandma does - apparently she wouldn't live to see me pass my A-levels/go to uni/graduate/get a job/get married - 20 years later (after I have done all of the above) she is still going strong. It's martyrdom IMO - always going on about how hard/short/unfair her life is. So you're not alone in being on the receiving end of this and, yes, it is extremely annoying!

Mossy, help me out here...what is NPD in this context? To me it stands for new product development, but that's a little too industry specific to apply here...

lol filly i do that all the time with abbreviations, it drives dh crazy.

NPD is Narcicistic (sp?) Personality Disorder

Ah...not that makes more sense Honestly, I think my mother is hard work, but yours makes her look amazing...you know you're doing everything 'right' (including trying not to replicate her behavious for the next generation) and I can only imagine how hard her behaviour must have been for you growing up...guess, you'll just have to keep on venting on here whenever it gets too much.

Seriously though, as much as you do get on on her 'good' days, can you not put a bit more space between you? It does sound as though her behaviour really drags you down and puts a lot of negativity into your life. I appreciate this might be easier said than done, but can you limit the toxic exposure to, say, twice a week and avoid contact on the other days?

Sorry, that's probably blindingly obvious and you've obviously been dealing with this for years...

She sounds a bit like my mother as well (when I was talking to her), she once had some bleeding when she thought she was menopausal, had googled it and it said one of the causes could be a tumour so she was telling everyone she had suspected cancer!

Every phonecall is about her, how hard her life is, how she never has any money, how hard it was bringing up children, how my Dad did nothing, nevermind her latest health worry, oh and she always has at least a bad cold or food poisoning.

If I say anything it always related back to her like "DD2 is teething" her "oh well your brother was bad with his teeth and I had you and I had no help and your Dad was never around etc etc"

I think she was upset when I had 3 DCs as I ahd "bettered" her and she couldn't go on about how hard it was having 2 anymore.

It does wear you down, a year or so ago I stopped calling her completely as I couldn't be bothered with it anymore, she cannot be bothered to phone me anymore so we don't talk which is actually in a way nice as I don't get the "feel sorry for me I am dying" phonecalls anymore.

This has nothing to do with mother but this talk of hypochondria (sp?) and attention seeking reminds me of my uncle. For decades he moaned that he as ill and had every test under the sun. They knew him by name at every hospital in London I reckon. Anyway turns out he was ill, with something really rare and it was untreatable but the upside was he was finally able to say 'I told you so' - briefly obviously!

filly she does live 3 hours away which is great, so I mostly call screen unless I am in the mood to talk to her.
Im also now refusing to let her stay in our house, for the last 3 or 4 times she has caused major problems when shes been here either between me and dh or me, dh and the dc's.
Shes coming down in april but its staying at a hotel so at least I'll have some control.

She has threatened to move down here a few times saying things like 'so and so keeps saying i should move closer to you, but I dont think Im going to do that, it would be silly' just waiting for me to say 'oh yes we'd love to have you round the corner' Ive told her we'll move if she moves down here.

sweetkitty its bloody hard work isnt it. I also stopped contact with my mum for about 6 months a couple of years ago, however she would ring me and ask if we could forget it and Id say no, and we'd row and then shes wait for me to phone again another month or so and then she'd phone.
Sounds like youre doing much better now without her in your life.