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There is light at the end of the tunnel....... honest!

18 replies

M2T · 23/06/2003 14:05

After a couple of years of a terrible relationship dp and I seem to have mastered it!

We have had so many problems, emotional, physical and financial (still do!!). We have fought, argued, threw things, hit each other, almost ended the relationship numerous times.... and worse!

But a few months ago we started talking properly.

We have even rekindled our sex life! Ok.... it's not "9 and a half weeks" but it's great to be that close to each other again. I've stopped getting really upset about trivial things and dp has really made an effort in the areas I thought we had problems. What a difference. And as most of you know it has even meant we have set a date in October to get married.

For a long time I just never thought that we were right..... something was missing. I realise now that perhaps I was just looking too hard for that little spark to reappear and for me to suddenly have a Mills and Boon relationship with him!

Last night we sat out in the garden when ds had went to sleep and we talked. We talked about all the problems we had had, most stemming from my PND. We talked about our mistakes in dealing with problems, mine and his. And for the first time I didnt blame him for all the problems.

I feel very happy and content and I can 'feel' how much he loves me even though he tells me he does.

I can't wait to be his wife.... and I NEVER thought I'd feel like that about him.

S'pose what I'm saying in a really soppy, clumsy way is that just coz there are terrible times and just coz the earth doesn't move when dp walks into a room..... that doesn't need to be the end of your relationship/marriage. Sometimes you can come out the otherside even stronger than before.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Don't think this is a self praise bragging post.... coz it isn't!

OP posts:

sykes · 23/06/2003 14:21

How lovely. As you may remember my husband has left me and I'd give ANYTHING to be able to have another chance to come out of the otherside stronger but there doesn't seem to be much chance. Congratulations


princesspeahead · 23/06/2003 14:21

well done! seems like you had a really good conversation last night, I'm glad that clarified so much for you. now you can throw yourself headlong into wedding planning with the stars in your eyes that every bride should have!

dh and I go through phases where we just bicker at each other and it's depressing - and then something happens that either unites us against someone else (eg a work colleague or boss that is being horrible to one of us) or makes us realise how lucky we are (eg a friend announces serious marital difficulties) and we have a good long talk and then things are great again. as long as you have those good patches as well as the bad patches then it is all worthwhile in the end I think.


M2T · 23/06/2003 14:26

Oh Sykes I'm so sorry. I really didn't want this to come across as rubbing anyone's nose in it. Just that there were a few posters recently who thought that their relationship was over as they were going through what dp and I have worked through.

You have done so well getting on with your life after the breakup. I have been there, although it was before any children were involved so it was much easier to deal with and move on. But I do know how hard the feelings hit you.

How are you anyway Sykes? I haven't seen you post for a wee while.

Thanks PPH.... I know exaclt what you mean!

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sykes · 23/06/2003 14:31

I know you're not rubbing noses in it and I really do think it's lovely. Not doing great as, pathetic as it is, still want him to come home. We've had such a great time generally over the lsat 13 years - things just got in the way and I really didn't help - but am not blaming myself. Kids are great levellers, though. He's adopted wearing rather tight white t-shirts and three-quarter length trousers with strange things hanging off them. As my eldest dd said: daddy your pants are very silly .....


M2T · 23/06/2003 14:36

This is just a wee low point.... which means that racing in behind it is a high point! Hang in there you might feel more positive tomorrow or it might take til next week, but it's coming. It sounds to me like he is having a crisis!! Silly man...

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sykes · 23/06/2003 14:42

Thanks and start looking forward to your wedding. Didn't mean to hijack your thread.


M2T · 23/06/2003 14:46

Sykes - I don't mind.... I have been known to do that one or two times.

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motherinferior · 23/06/2003 16:04

I'm so pleased for you. Long-term relationships are sooooo difficult, and so few people are realistic about them. Good luck.


M2T · 23/06/2003 16:34

Thanks MotherInferior. I just wish my best friend had done the same instead of marrying him and then dumping him like a piece of meat 7 months later!

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SamboM · 23/06/2003 16:42

M2T, so pleased for you. You really do sound like you've sorted things out between you. I love a happy ending...


M2T · 23/06/2003 16:46

I am realistic though, I KNOW we will still argue and we still have problems.... it's just that I don't think it's anything we can't handle and we both seem to really want to deal with our issues and resolve them quickly. Sigh. I'm off to skip into the sunset.

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breeze · 23/06/2003 17:20

Glad to hear it M2T, Dh and I had very similar problems a few years ago with my PND and I never thought that I would be happy with anyone let alone him, and we got over it and now great again.


susanb · 23/06/2003 21:29


How fantastic to hear that things are going well for you. I also suffered/still suffer with PND after ds was born (now nearly 4!) although for the past year I have been alot better. It had a huge negative impact on mine and dp's relationship and I frequently thought that we would split up.

Fortunately things have slowly been getting better; sex life has improved (although not as energetic as pre child!) and we talk about alot of things like we used to. There was a time when we were completely distant and on different planets but now we're getting closer and closer together.

Well done!


marble · 23/06/2003 21:41

i am glad for you, you always try to help and give advice when others have problems (i've noticed)


jasper · 23/06/2003 21:42

M2T that's a lovely post and did not come across as bragging at all.
Nice to know long term relationships can improve


snickers · 23/06/2003 23:05

Ooooooooooh weeeeeeeeeeeee! Planning a wedding - the most romantic and exciting thing ever IMO... Sounds like fabulous news, and I totally wish you all the best! I love these HAPPY threads! But do give in and give him a big long snog tonight... (see other thread )


morocco · 24/06/2003 00:53

awww cute!
you've inspired me to go home and give dh a big sloppy kiss
doesn't sound like bragging but did remind me of Mills&Boon a bit - good on ya girl!


M2T · 24/06/2003 08:00

LOL! Snickers/Morocco - Dunno about the snog..... see other thread re: too much coffee!!

Marble - Thanks for noticing.

Susanb - I'm glad things are going well for you too..... isn't it nice when through the black cloud of depression you can finally start to feel happy again! 4 yrs is a long time.... well done to you too.

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