I've never posted on this kind of topic before, and it feels a little odd to be rambling into the ether, but here goes........
I should feel fortunate and happy. I've been married for a few years, and we've supported each other through the good times and the bad times. We have a wonderful child, who lights up my life. We have a perfectly decent house in a place with a lovely community feel. I have a job that I worked hard for, and which was well worth the effort. I should come home at the end of the day and be glad to be here. But I'm not.
When I went back to work after maternity leave,we agreed that it would be nice for me not to work fulltime, but spend some time with LO instead. There was a consequence for our bank balance, but we're managing. Or I'm managing. DH seems to have become bossy, irritable, lazy, complaining, patronising all at the same time. I don't know why. Has he changed? Or have I changed? It sounds feeble when I write it like this, but perhaps I need to spell it out so that I can see what an idiot I am.
DH complains, because I work P/T that I get to spend time being a mummy and he misses out on being a daddy. Fair enough, but when he IS at home he won't do anything. He comes in at the end of the day and switches on the telly, or helps himself to something to eat or drink, while I bath LO, and do the bedtime routine.
He sits around while I put LO to bed and then grumbles at how late the evening meal is if bedtime turns into a battle of the wills. I make a proper homecooked meal each night, and sometimes it takes time to make, time for which I do not apologise.
He tells me off for doing things that are not appropriate with a toddler, like baking or playing with water in the kitchen without covering the floor. But I want to have fun on my days off, and we tidy up at the end of the day. The house isn't pristine, but it is hygienic.
He does nothing around the house. I doubt that he knows where the vacuum is at the moment. He complains if his shirts aren't ironed, or that we make no progress with our DIY projects etc. But he rejects every suggestion that I make, or complains about how I've done things.
I treasure our weekends as a family. But DH just gets angry if we don't have things planned out with military precision. We'll decide to do something, and then he'll announce that I've taken so long to get me and LO ready that he's off out to the pub / gym / mates house. This has been going on for months and I've tried to reason with him, but this weekend I just let it happen. He went off out to the gym while I was packing up a change bag for LO, who started to cry when daddy said it was too late. So we went out. We had a lovely time, and came home for lunch, armed with lots of photographs of LO beaming away for the camera. I wish now that we had stayed out for the whole day. But it made me think about how this could be our life. Except I made these promises about 'for better for worse'. And DH is a daddy too. Its not just me. And is this anything to complain about really. Maybe its just called marriage.
Sorry ladies. A long moan, but writing it down has maybe been useful. Am I being intolerant? Maybe he's sitting somewhere now writing about me as the wife who only works half the week but still doesn't have dinner ready, who sits in her dressing gown on a Saturday morning, and who resents being the primary carer for her child. Its possible.