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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do I get over my infatuation?

4 replies

poshsinglemum · 08/03/2010 20:37

Kick up the arse needed please.

I am infatuated (still) with a man from the past. He used to like me but it didn't happen as I was/ am a fuck up. Now he's back in town but with a wonderful girlfriend.

I fancy him still and I am gutted that it didn't work out in the past.
TBH I think that it's what he represents that keeps me hooked- a happy time in the past. Also, his new girlfriend sounds truly amazing and has an amzing career. It makes me feel really inadequate. I don't think ''what has she got that I don't. I can genuinely see what she has that I don't!

I think that this infatuation is a reminder of some significant losses and shortcomings in my life. It's a bit more complex that I have outlined but I can't explain more here.

I regsistered on Match.com yesterday to try and take my mind off this man. After all-there's plenty more fish aren't there?

OP posts:
Original poster
poshsinglemum · 08/03/2010 20:39

Well- I say happy time in my past. When I first met him I was in an amazing place but by the time this man started chasing me properly I was messed up because of my abusive ex.p.

OP posts:
animula · 08/03/2010 20:59

Well, you've answered your own post, really. This is all about the person you want to be, so, to get over this, you have to start working towards that goal.

Don't think of it in terms of a person you were, that you would like to get back to. That person experienced life, had some set-backs, and learned from those. So, now you are this person, who has learned a bit. And you want to move on, achieve more, build securely on what you've learned and become the person you know you can be.

And ... always bear in mind - he can't be that great if he's not with you.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 08/03/2010 21:16

Ah-but he's with someone BETTER than me! It all boils down to low self-esteem really.

OP posts:
mrsabbott · 08/03/2010 21:55

Just avoid him. You seem to know already that whatever you might say to him would make you sound like a dickhead crazy person, so avoid him like the plague, and eventually you'll suss it out.

Or talk to him, and he'll probably think you are a dickhead crazy person and be horrible to you and then you can say 'well what a twat he was' and get over him?

I'd go with the former option though x

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