Dh and I have been together for 5 years now and although our relationship has been ok ever since we started, we have had our ups and downs (as any other relationship may have I guess). DD was borned 7 months ago and ever since we have been having some problems. It seems he has found difficult to adjust to our new live plus he has been promoted in his job and this has created a lot of stress and as result it has had a big impact on our relationship.
All my friends have told me that a relationship changes once you have children but at the moment we are really strouggling and we are having serious issues. We have tried to talk them through and it does not help as he feels attacked every time I explain how I feel or what I think it is happening. He says that he is not getting support from me and I believe I am supporting him on everything I can. I have asked him how he wants me to support him and he never answers my quetions, probably because he does not even know how he wants to be supported. This questions has been asked to him previously in other arguments before we had our DD and he has never answered this question as yet.
I believe that I have tried to do everthing as easy to him as possible to the point that for the first 3 months after the birth he was sleeping in the other room so he could have a proper rest and go to work refresh in the morning. At first this should have happened only during the week but he slept in the other room from Monday to Sunday. It was my idea that he slept in the other room but now I do really regret telling him and I realliced that he has no even appreciate how much work it meant for me that he was having a good night sleep. He also used to complain that the house was a mess and that the dishes weren't done. I tried to explain him that it wasn't easy to do everything having a few months old baby which used to breastfeed constantly as well as do everything he expected in the house. We used to have a lot of arguments about this but now that I am organising myself better and DD is older and gives me a bit more of time problems keep appearing. I really believe that he takes thing on me from work and the stress that he generates from his work.
At the moment we have arrived to a point where I just feel very disappointed with him and I would have never expected him to behave in the way he is behavin. Sometimes I feel I don't really know him anymore and I am not sure how worthy this relationship is. However I think that just for our daughter we should try to fix this situation. Now the only way I can see we can try to fix this is by getting counselling as everytime we talk things seem to get even worse. I know it may also have something to do with not having time for ourselves any more. My family lives in Spain and his family live an hour away from us so it is difficult to go out without bothering other people to look after our daughter.
Another problem that we are having is that our sex live is zero. It has been like this ever since the birth of our DD and when I asked him last time he said that he was having problems on getting a hard on (excuse my language). I told him why he didn't tell me before and that he should call the doctors and find a solutions to the problem. His answer was "I am a man, an English man and we don't do that". The first thing I thought was that he is a STUPID man if he has concerns about his health and he is not doing anything about it. Of course I didn't tell him this but I just couldn't believe his answer.
Anyway I guess that my question is how do we get some counselling to fix our relationship? I really don't know where to start looking for counselling and he is not doing anthing about it. If this keeps going on this way I can see myself leaving him and redoing my live with my daughter. I just cannot cope with this for much longer. He keeps going like if nothing is happening and then taking to me in very bad manners when he gets crossed. Hope someone in here will be able to advice me on something.
Thank you in advance and sorry for such a long post.