He won't say my name

[BaggyAgy]

Hi, I have asked on a different thread but no one has picked up and replied. Maybe it wasn't relevant on that thread. My long term ex partner NEVER called me by my name or by any version of it. He would call me Darling even when it was through gritted teeth. He never wrote my name on any letter or card that he wrote to me. I gather that he did the same with his first wife . Why?

DP doesn't often address me by my name either, he usually uses endearments like the more usual, babe, hon, darling etc and then there are some of his more unusual ones like crumble bum, sweetie slacks, sherbet satchel.

indeed, its just the way some men are wired, as long as he treats you well I'd chill out and stop worrying about it... I'm sure there's much worse things to worry about!

I hate my husband´s first name so don´t use it if I can get away with it

I have a bit of a habit of calling friends/family by nicknames and I know one or two other people who seem to have a mental bloke about using anyone's actual name. It's not necessarily a bad thing (though if you don't like it it;s fair enough to ask a person to stop). But I think some men do it because they don't entirely see their wives as people, but rather aw wives.

Hmm - my h2b rarely uses my name in actual conversation but he does use it to introduce me and in writing.

Usually if he is talking to me he calls me sweetheart or darling.

Actually if he is mock-annoyed with me he calls me by my surname which is odd!

However, I rarely use his name unless I am trying to attract his attention, like the other day he was out in the garage and I called his name out of the kitchen door to ask him if he wanted a cup of tea.

To make matters more complicated, his sister and his friend also have the same name as me, so if he uses my name I'm never sure which of us he means.

When I was growing up I thought the woman who lived across the road was named "Poppet" because her DH never called her anything else. I used to vaguely wonder why my parents called her something else. [dim child emoticon] She never seemed bothered by it and as far as I know they are still happily married.

Interesting ...

My dh rarely uses my name. No real need I suppose. I am in his phone as a rather affectionate abbriviation of my name.

Not an issue.

My OH never uses my name or the nickname that everyone else uses. He calls me 'woman' or 'bird'

My best friend and I have now taken to calling each other 'bird'

My dad hasn't called my Mum directly by her name in 50 years together.

Men are weirdo's

HI, thank you all for your replies. I think the reason I am so sensitive about not being called by my name is that I had asked him to use my name. The nearest he ever got was putting my initial on a birthday card., Plus, my grandfather, who was very distant, NEVER called his wife or his daughters by their names. If he was put on the spot, and had to specify which daughter he was referring to, he used to state the town in which the relevant daughter lived. He didn't have pet names for them either, they were "girl" as was his wife.

My husband never calls me by my name. It's always honey, or gorgeousness (clearly he's delusional ). It is fine with me but I don't have the same associations as you do. To me it is affection, to you it is seen as a lack of respect for you as a person? Based on your grandfather's attitude?

My 2 year old DS calls me by my given name more than my DH. Especially if I'm in the loo. I guess DH must use it, or else how would the children know it.

My ex never used my name at all, and it did bother me when I realised, but like SoH says, it was probably indicative of a wider problem.

My Husband calls me by his pet name for me, has done since a week of going out with him. We have been married for nearly 8 years.. He calls me it in private, public, in company of friends and family, in front of strangers, signs it in cards..

Even when the children are asked what my name is the will say
.. Mum or pet name .. It takes them a few seconds to remember my actual name!

When he talks about me to his friends, he refers to me as 'the Missus'. I don't mind, it feels strange when I hear him use my real name.

DP only says my name when I'm in trouble . I don't really call people their names much either, I usually call him some endearment. But we write each other's names in cards

I actually find it very sexy to hear him say my name - it makes me sad that he doesn't do it very often.

I've had exactly this dawn on me this week. DP never says my name, he just starts speaking, no matter where in the house I am. It's ok unless the DC's are in the house because then I never know who he's talking to, and have to listen all the time in case he's talking to me.

He is lovely but I wish he'd call me by my name.

Which yes, I find really sexy.

Oh yuck to being called "woman" or "girl". Have you tried being the same to him? E.g. if your DP calls your "woman" just calling him "humanoid" or similar? Primate perhaps?

As for not saying name/nickname anything and just expecting you to respond - maybe you could tell him that you'd rather (for perfectly obvious and sensible reasons) call your name if he wants you, and then not respond if he fails to do so. I did that and it worked a bit, when he finally bothers to call you properly/ come and find you, just say "oh sorry were you talking to me, I didn't hear you say [name] so I thought you were talking to [dog's/child's name]."

DH calls me "woman", as in "come here woman" or "do it now woman", he calls me missy or girlie on occasion too, he must be a terrible husband .

As long as both parties are happy who the hell cares what you call each other?

Yeah well duh Mal, but I was thinking this thread was about people who aren't happy. Or did I misread and title is "Woop de doop my DP won't say my name and it ROCKS"?

I will make this as easy as I can for you. Whenever someone won't call you by your first name (and they know it), that's a sign of disrespect. They don't value you as a person but as an object.

Yes, it's objectification in it's purest form. People that have Cluster B personality disorders have a tendency to objectify people; especially those who suffer from NPD and ASPD. However, I'm not saying this is true in your case but it is something to look into, if your ex is highly manipulative.

When a person sees you as an object; they "own" you, you're not worthy of being called by your name, they assign you a name that they're, "comfortable" with. When they have to address you byyour real name, that steals the attention and spotlight off of them. It's a control / manipulation tactic, nothing more.

I'm happy you've decided to move on from that relationship and that ex is in your past. Keep that ex there, for your own sake.

This thread is from 2010

My boyfriend rarely uses my name and it's weird when he does as it sounds odd in his accent.
He calls me his nickname for me mostly.
I also never use his name (as I don't like it and he just doesn't look like he should be called that ). He is known by my nickname for him by all my friends or even now a shortened version of it for ease.
He quite likes it-and I don't see it being an issue either way.Was it part of a wider problem, hence him now being an ex, op?

I am similar, I tend to use nicknames or terms of endearment like sweetie, sweets, bubbles etc.. once I am intimate with them.