General advice and warnings to a newly single lady

[JoCoolBeans]

I know there are people on here with bigger problems than me but I just feel like I'm embarking into territory I've never been before (pls don't all jump on me)

I'm going to be honest. Something I've not shared with anyone.
I have only had a few relationships in my life, you could count the number of ppl I've kissed on one hand.
I met my OH when I was 16 and just starting A-levels (I'm 26 now) and thought he was my soul mate. We started dating when I turned 17 and is the only man I've ever been intimate with. We now have 2 DCs.
Times have been really hard these last few years and for the past year we haven't even slept together and just felt like friends, just someone to talk to, if that.
Things got on top of me and after a very long time I decided to end it. We had a trial separation 2 years ago too so I know there's not much point in another one.

I think after all this time and thinking that I'm ready to move on.

Though the thing that scares me is that the last time I was "single" it was a different ball game. We're all adults now and I don't know what to expect if/when I find someone I want to date.

Anyone been in similar situations? Any advice for someone about to dip their toe in this adult world of dating?
I really don't know what to expect or any warning signs I should look out for when it comes to men. Anything?

I'm totally out of the loop with the dating game, so I'm afraid I can't really help there. But your story sounds very familiar to me.

I met my ex-DP at 15, we were together till I was 25. Looking back, we had several good years, but also several wasted (and mostly sexless) years towards the end, where the relationship was over, but we found it hard to accept for a time. We were really close (people sometimes assumed we were brother and sister rather than a couple) and it was hard to imagine life apart. When we split up, I really couldn't imagine how I was going to meet someone else.

But I did - I had 3 significant relationships in the following 10 years, (plus some - ahem - not so significant liaisons) before meeting my lovely DP and having our brilliant, gorgeous DS. How did I meet them? By going out and enjoying myself with my friends - they were all friends of friends.

I'm glad you say you're ready to move on, that sounds very positive.

Warning signs? Well I'm probably not the right person to comment! DP is lovely, but in the past not all my choices have been exactly great. All your mates telling you he's a wanker is a good one I ignored but I'm sure you're not so daft!

I sat with a mate of mine who was doing internet dating the other day. She said if you want to meet someone who you'll get on with, the best thing to do is to chat to them for a long time online - weeks or even months - get to know them before you actually meet for a date. Otherwise you'll just end up on lots of dates with wankers / chancers! If they're genuinely interested and you get on then it'll become obvious over time. She uses match.com . If I was single I'd probably try Guardian Soulmates too.

My mate who married someone she met on the internet chatted to him for months before they met.

HTH

I know 3 couples who have met on the internet and all three have dcs now. They would recomment that, but as above poster said, the great thing is getting to know each other first online so that when you finally meet you already know each others' lives. And there is no risk, is there?

You could ask people here to recommend names of sites. Guardian soulmates?

Be Very Careful with your heart.

My backstop smalltalk is 'How did you two meet?'. Lots of people meet very randomly. Especially when they have stopped looking.

I don't know about dating, but try to fear being single less. If you see your single status as something that is broken and needs to be fixed, you'll be looking for emergency solutions.

you are so young. you don't need to feel bad about being single. there are other ways to deal with loneliness.

you are only just coming out of a bad relationship. personally i think it would be kerry katona style madness to hurtle headlong into internet dating!!

Right now, you should be good to yourself and not some random internet sprite you met on match dot com.

Online dating can work well, be prepared to sort the chaff from the wheat, and NEVER put a cleavage picture up.

Get them to ring you on a PAYG phone so they can't trace your address from your number, and NEVER date anyone because you feel sorry for them or sorry for yourself. Only date them if they make your tummy feel bubbly, and talk to them on the phone for at least a month before hand so you know they are interested in what you have to say.

I think ChoreDodgingHairyTrucker has it exactly right. Take some time and learn to be comfortable with yourself and your new, single life. There's no law that says you have to either be in a relationship or actively trying to find one.

"Take some time and learn to be comfortable with yourself and your new, single life. There's no law that says you have to either be in a relationship or actively trying to find one."

I agree with this actually. My boss is newly separated. She's always off somewhere or another, meeting up with old friends, going to dinner / the theatre etc with friends. I don't know anything about the breakup, and assume it must have been painful as most are, but she is certainly enjoying this part of it.

So if I was you I'd use this time to spend some time spoiling yourself and reconnecting with friends.

... and if you're out and about meeting people and doing interesting stuff, without actually searching for a future partner, you're likely to meet someone in the end anyway without even trying IMO!

definitely, spend some time really relishing being single, rediscover yourself and your interests, make new friends, see new sights, and then, six months or whenever down the line, when you are happy and completely relaxed with yourself and your life, THATS when you will meet someone or when you will really enjoy looking for someone special.

I'm nt scared of being single, in fact I want to enjoy it for a while. I just wanted to know what to expect so that I can prepare myself for meeting someone new.

TBH I live in the arse end of nowhere so I won't expect to meet anyone local on a dating website, it would just be a case of going out and doing something/going somewhere to meet people. It's not like England here where ou could say, "I'll meet up" and jump on train/bus to somewhere. No trains here. About 5 buses a day only. Oh and i don't drive (yet).

Like snorbs said, there's no law to have to be in a relationship but I'm kinda excited to go out and find those bubbly feelings again, something I haven't felt in YEARS. I know I don't need a man to be happy, learnt that while being with OH hahaha I just feel id like to have a wee peek at what really happens out there. Just so I know what to expect if I meet someone next time I'm out.