mixed /pendulum swing feelings re DH

[linconlass]

I feel affection towards my dh and love- at times! but often i feel very angry with him and cant stand to be near him- im not sure if this is the norm! how can I feel so differently - and i meant differently- towards the same person?!!!!!!!help /advice please.

This is going to sound patronising but speaking from experience - could it be hormonal? I used to have V bad PMT till i had me DS and then it slowed. A year ago i started to worry i was mentally ill because i was so up and down. I started keeping a diary of my emotional state and realised it was hormonal - i still have it but knowing it's hormonal helps me deal with it and not react to things as i had (very dangerous ground).

Mine was often aimed at my husband who, in really bad times, i thought i'd be better off without or he'd be better off without me - depending on where i was on the mood-swing-ometer.

If you feel it might be hormonal i suggest keeping a note of trends and feelings. Even if it's not hormonal keep a note of when he's annoyed you, what he's doing to make you feel angry and if it's your problem or his - if it's yours you could do with explaining things to him without blaming him (that could cause all kinds of problems if it's a phase).

If it's him still talk to him, explain your feelings and see how he's feeling. But don't talk about it if you're feeling bad about the relationship that could open a can a worms that needs not be opened.

Have you been together a long time? has anything changed recently? i'm big believer in writing stuff down (as you've probably guessed) even if you never show it anyone it's very cathartic!!

Good luck

Hi linconlass
This sounds awfully familiar. I have been struggling to work out why I sometimes don't feel love for DH but get hugely angry with him over really small stuff. After months of counselling and weeks at Relate I can almost explain.
There are issues between us that can be traced back to early relationships with family members. When he pushes the buttons on a particular issue it triggers the emotion from way back and I get really upset. This is not really to do with him but my issue but I blame him anyway in my ignorance.
Now I am beginning to identify the triggers I can understand my response.
Try writing down the times you have been really upset and see if there is a pattern. Or whether they remind you of anything from childhood or other people in your life who are important to you.
It has been really difficult to do this but my marriage is in serious trouble so it is worth it.
Good luck

linconlass

I agree with both namechangedrecently and struggler.

I too used to go through this. Has counselling etc and then found it was definitely worse around my period. Went back to my GP who recommended St John's Wort. I have to tell you it is a life saver I have never felt better. I do still get like this sometimes but its not anything as bad as it used to be maybe a few days before my period. (Actually was feeling like that last nite and am due on any moment!)

I also can relate to triggers back to my childhood. My DH is very loving and shows it all the time ie hugs me, kisses me, tells me he loves me constantly but it sometimes makes me feel like a child and my childhood was not really the best. Almost like hes my dad and my dad was not a very nice person. All very complicated.

Try the St John's Wort highly recommend it and yes keep a diary. You are not alone but I would say it sounds very hormonal related.

Good Luck

Thanks so much all - its stange but i got my period today!!! and guess what there is a difrent woman in the house!! dh says my eyes look diffent even!!i felt so relieved to be able to hear your experiences so thank you so much.I think that I will try and be more aware of this hormone wise but also the childhood stuff, as mine too was not the best and I never thought of maybe connecting the reactions to old echos as it were - linked with the hormones too what a combo !!!
I do feel slightly fearful of the impact this pmt can have as its hard to have insight at the time but will write down etc.Saw my gp today - decided to make appt- a very rare thing for me - about this PMT - Iironically its the last thing i saw him about - about a year ago - and its been the only consistant thing ive had to ever see a gp about.Pregnancy cured it - at the time of the pregnancy only it was wonderful but i cant keep doing that !! gp offered pill- ive tried homeopathy,acupunctue,natural progestrone a strong oil of primrose avaliable on nhs.Never tried st johns wort - mybe that s next on list !! sorry just meant to come on to say thanks all for kindness!! now rabbiting on as free of my pmt shackle this eve!!!!!!!!!!!all the best to you all xx