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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

partner left and so alone

27 replies

boobless · 07/03/2010 10:03

hi everyone,
please can you help me through my journey into the unknown.

i found out on xmas eve that my partner of 10 years was having and emotional affair and after a major arguement i told him to get out, he went to stay at his brothers, i contacted this other woman via her number on his phone and told her to back off, she said you are not married so its up to us, we love each other -she then stopped contact with him, he called me new year and asked to come back and start again which i accepted, we were fine for a week then he became distant again and said he wanted to find his own place and be the old him he used to be, of course i discovered that the OW was a co worker and once they made contact again that was it, he gave me the cares massivvely speech but we had drifted to far apart and he no longer loved me, that night she confimed they were together and very much in love and he tells her all the time, he later confimed that, i threw him out there and then - he moved back to his brothers, he sees this woman every night but returns to his brothers but stays at her house all weekend, he said he does not want to move in with her he just wants his own place - in the first 2 weeks he had gone we met to go and close down our joint bank account and set up his payments to me for half the mortgage.
he always asks his brother and family if they have seen or spoken to me, and he calls me every couple of days, just to check i am ok and has been round to our house to fix a few things
now 5 weeks since he has gone he has been searching for the new flat and seems to have found one and i am devasted that he has done this i was hoping to hear him say he wants to come home - i had a barrage of calls from hime on friday and we ended up in the local pub but he was so drun and gave me all the i do love you and i will come home etc etc, and yesterday rang and said he was so sorry he didnt love me and was not coming back and said please can we stay friends, i said no and put the phone down, he rang back half hour later and was crying saying we are best friends please dont cut him off, he cant bear not to speak to me everyday, he checks my facebook everyday just to see my picture and thinks of me everyday when he wakes etc etc ? and he couldnt bear it if i wasnt part of his life ??? there has never been any reference to anything sexual since he has been gone, so i dont think its just booty calls - says i am his mucker, best friend

anyone tell me what is going on here

OP posts:
ifancyashandy · 25/03/2010 11:38

What is going on here is fuckwittery of the highest and crappest order. Sorry to be so blunt. He says he loves you / you're his best friend and then he treats you like crap. You would dump a friend who treated you like this!

If you had a daughter and her bloke was treating her like this, you would be furious with him and doing all you could to support her leaving him. Don't let him mess with your mind any more - you are worth so so so so so much more than this. You sound lovely and caring, don't let him take the piss out of that.

Call your girlfriends / sisters / mum and get them to help you stay strong xx

AnyFucker · 25/03/2010 18:47

boobless

do you realise you are repeatedly asking us to tell you it is ok to behave like an utter doormat to a cheating, mentally-abusive man ?

and you want us to tell you that taking him back is the right thing to do

we won't

not ever

take him back if you want to...but be prepared to become a second class citizen always subject to his pathetic whims and stirring of his twitching loins

is that what you want ?

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