Could you tell me about your experiences of Relate

[cilitbang]

After 10 years I think DH and I have reached a crossroads in our marriage and we need some help. Is it worth considering Relate before we consider the 'other option'? What happens during the sessions? Does it/can it really change things for the better?

cilitbang - we are on the waiting list for our sessions and others have told me they are very good. Can't tell you what happens yet as we haven't had our first one, but I will be interested in what others say.

hi
My xhusband and i went to relate after i found out about his affair last year. We had the first session really going over what our current problems were,why we were there, how we met, when we got married that kind of thing really.
After the first session we had an open conversation when she said she thought we should start with 6 sessions and she thought she could try and help if we liked her. We did like her alot, but she gave us the option to go to another counsellor if we wanted to.
The next sessions got gradually more intense really. Very much led by us and what we wanted to talk about. We talked about our backgrounds, our parents relationships (tis how we learn about relationships), we were given "homework" ...for example to draw a timeline when major events happened in our lives. It was very emtional, but an amazing experience. We just talked and had to really listen to each other. She picked up on certain words or patterns that emerged that we hadn't even thought about previously. We talked ALOT following the sessions and often the evening after sessions talked for hours, so give yourself space to chat afterwards incase you feel the same.
Anyway, after 6 sessions she felt we had reached a good point, we were being open with each other and had talked about many issues. It is an ongoing process though and nearly a year later I look back and I think I started to "closse down" at the end of counselling, maybe because I felt I had explored my feelings and realised I could never properly forgive him for the affair, it opened my eyes a bit. My nearly x H felt it led him to consider further personal counselling which she recommended (he hasn't done that yet).
Overall I feel it was a positive experience and our counsellor was lovely (be prepared in case you don't find that and try another one). She was lovely, caring and non judgemental, I found it a huge help to talk openly to someone I didn't know. Basically you get out of it what you put in, be prepared to be open and honest to get your "moneys worth"!!
I wish you all the luck in the world, I hope it works out. Well done for trying to make your marriage work.

Cheatedon thanks so much for this - that's really helped me understand more about the process. Sounds like it could really be useful for us. Thank you.
Scarlotti good luck when your sessions start to happen, I hope cheatedon's post has given you a good insight too. I'm sure we are doing the right thing. Good luck.

Yes, thanks for the explanation of what's to come. Good luck cilitbang, hope it works out for you.