So what constitutes being a ''good mother'' then?

[poshsinglemum]

Following on from another thread ''Have you got the best mum?''. I sure don't but I despearately want to be a good mum to dd.

So come and share in your opinion what you consider to be a good mum.

How can we be good mums to our kids? IMO it is bloody hard being a mum and I am acting in ways which I never thought I would because it's so bloody hard (ie-snapping at dd when tired). Lets face it-you need the patience of a saint!

I don't want to be like my mum though and have zero patience. My mum was always very vocal about how she hated being a mum. I will always tell dd how I love being a mum. I won't tell her that sometimes I find it hard and frustrating. (mabe I should)
I would liek to add that being a mum is the best thing that has happened to me and has made me reform my ways.

But I don't want to make the same mistakes taht my mum did.

I think the most important thing is the child being confident, safe and secure in your unconditional love.

That's a difficult one.

I woud say that trying to level-headed and reliable for them, showing them they are loved, and preparing them properly for independence and giving them the tools to be happy balanced adults, even if that means not always being popular.

To be genuinely interested and supportive in who they are, not what you think they should be.

< not causing him harm at the end of the way lol>

honestly thou. ensuring that he's well rounded, level headed, able to be confident to try things on his own but secure enough to ask for help.

to feel loved, to know how to handle his emotions,a nd be able to communicate & express his self. to know i've done my best by him.

To have the courage to do what he thinks is right & to stand by his actions & know that his actions have consequences to face up to.

I hear you poshsinglemum! The best piece of advice that still rings with me some 14+ years later was not to waste energy trying NOT to be my mother.

Yes, I think that you need to be honest with your dcs about how you are feeling / find parenting.

I had a conversation with dd1 today about my credit card bills... in which she ended up congratulating me on working so hard to pay them off. I only hope that she doesn't ever have to dig herself out of a hole like this after seeing her parents struggle (after having too good a time for too long!).

Sidetracked a little there .

Everybody still alive at the end of the day.

L-O-V-E

building them up, so they wont give or take shit.
teaching them to take responsibility for themselves and their actions.
yes seeker everyone being alive is a big part of that

Unconditional love

Consistent fair boundaries

Allowing them to develop confidence, autonomy and independence

Allowinf them to be who they are, not what you want them to be/think they should be

Not imposing your beliefs/lifestyle on them in a way that segregates them from society and is over-protective.

Being aware that what you do for "their own good" is often more to do with you than with them.

Saying no ocassionally.

Instilling the belief that although they are the centre of your world they aren't likely to be the centre of everyone elses!

Developing robust self-esteem through appropriate praise and boundaries is a good thing, producing narcissists through spoiling and over zealous adoration is NOT a good thing.

Setting them free.

Love, obviously. And appreciation. And faith in her best qualities. And boundaries. Unquestioning adoration is as bad as unthinking criticism.

I was watching a lengthy documentary on C4 this evening, about depleting fish stocks (as you do when your other eye is working). They interviewed a West African fisherman, who picked up his toddler daughter during the talk - his obvious delight in the child, and her beaming little face, said everything about what kind of parents she has.

I think if you give your kids that kind of emotional security, you're giving them a great start - even if you can't catch enough fish to pay for their college.

consistency,attachment,humour,self belief

think I will be the only person on MN to say this, but I will be very much modelling my MIL wrt parenting - she's incredible.

Patient, tolerant, consistent, gentle enforcing discipline, funny, and excellent at seeing the best in a person. She looks after our DS one day a week, and I couldn't ask for a better person to take care of him (me aside, obviously )

mil sounds smashing.no wonder you snapped her son up

To quote a dr philism " being a soft place to fall" ie always being there and being supportive when things go wrong. Being warm and loving and giving your child the confidence to go out in the world and be themselves knowing that you are always there behind them, supporting them and being proud of the people they are.