The first in an occasional series of 'Am I mad or is he an arse?'

[Isityouorisitme]

I'm talking about my H (am namechanger). I won't go into any specifics of our situation etc at the moment, mainly because I have neither the time or energy to blather on about my feelings right now.

I would just be interested in some genuine opinions on some of the behaviour of my H, because I genuinely am not sure if I love or even like him any more...

The thing is, I don't know if other stuff that's going on in my head is clouding my view of him. I've reached a point where I would love to see our relationship/him as others may see it, as I don't know if I'm imagining him not being a very nice person.

Okay, here comes example number 1:

I'm going to wash 5yr old dd's special bear. She kicks off - overly dramatic crying etc, upset. I am carrying a pile of washing and trying to quickly shove it in the wash, and she follows me howling trying to get the bear. I call dh to come and remove her from the room and calm her down while I do it. (reminding him she's upset/tired etc)

He finally comes down. Can't calm her, tells her to shut up sternly which ends in him muttering "piss off" then walking away. I am left to cuddle poor dd and calm her down.

So...I am obviously about this and tell him so. He accuses me of just taking my frustration out on him as I wasn't able to deal with her myself.

Over to you.

hmmmm. Example no. 1 - my DH would be exactly the same apart from telling DS to piss off - he wouldn't do that. He would tell me to though.
He has major problems with prioritising his time afaiac - always saying "wait up" when I ask him to do something that requires immediate action because he's got something oh so irrelevant that he's just thought of to do. He doesn't understand the concept of calming DS (although he wouldn't speak sternly to him either but then DS is only 2.3 so plenty of time), nor does he understand "remove him" - this is usually attempted by him walking off, saying "come on DS, come with Daddy" which OF COURSE doesn't FUCKING work! this ends up with me shouting at him to just pick the boy up, FGS, and TAKE him away. Worst of all, in my mind, is that even when there is a major meltdown situation ongoing, I still have to actually ASK him to help out as he has no ability to realise that his help is required!

Is he an arse? Yes. But I am hoping that he will become less of one (I tell him every time that he is an arse).

As to your e.g. 2 - that's just rubbish behaviour on his part. I hope DH wouldn't ever try that with me - I do have one friend who he really doesn't like but he isn't rude to her face, he's a bit snidey to me about her, but he will see her if the occasion requires it.

Not sure that's helped at all, tbh - just wanted you to know that you're not the only one who has to deal with this sort of arsiness.