"I don't realise I'm doing it"

[Enchilada81]

Do you think a person can ever use this as an excuse for rude/ignorent behaviour?

DH constantly ignores me when I speak or simply speaks over me or interupts me mid sentance ... sometimes even just walks off whilst I'm speaking to him.

I've told him I find it really ignorent and disrespectful and his excuse is always "I don't realise I'm doing it". How can you not??

An example from last night -

me: "I managed to find that pin we were looking for btw ... "
him: "yeah, is this stuff ready for the wash?"

in other words "I have no idea what you just said ... but is this stuff ready for the wash?"

I've actually tested him on this before by saying something stupid -

me - "I saw Elvis in Tesco today"
him - "yeah, do you know where the shed key is?"
me - "in the drawer ... yeah he was wearing his blue shoes"
him - "umm .... (realises I'm waiting for a response) ... really?"
me - " "

I supposed I've become that accustomed to it that I actually rush my sentances to try and avoid him cutting me off but I shouldn't have to.

This morning he actually upset me a bit. He was just getting ready for work and I'd just told him I'd missed an apointment with the bank ...

him - "oh well ... "
me - "the woman on the phone said she'd ma .."
him "right I'm going, cya later"

How ignorent is that!? how can you "Not realise" you're doing it?

He's thinking of himself rather a lot and forgetting his partner is a person with their own things going on. Try kicking his shins every time he ignores you.

I get that sort of thing too. If the TV is on DH won't take his eyes off it when I try to talk to him, or he will pick up his Blackberry and start checking his emails mid conversation

No I don't hink it is a good enough excuse. He needs to work on it but it is one of those things which is more easily worked on with help - ie yours. I think you need to mention this to him at the time he is doing it in a non-confrontational manner (sorry - stating the bleeding obvious but one of those easier said than done things). Just say - I have told you about this before and that it makes me feel like you are not interested in me and I find it upsetting. The issue then is whether he takes your feelings on board and makes an effort.

I am the one doing that to DH. no I do not realise until it is too late and I have already interrupted him, yes once I have done it I am terribly because I do relise it is rude.

I think soemtimes I have got so much in my head that I need to tell them to him/ask questions, even trivial, to make sure I will not forget to talk about it.

Nothing to do with not making an effort or not caring about him.

DP does this and I tend to cut him of with a 'Do you mind? I was speaking.' Then he put on his 'I'm listening' face and whatever I was saying suddenly sounds too daft to carry on with.

Picking him up on it at the time, every single time, has made him cut it down quite a lot over the years. With him I think it comes from having 5 brothers; If you don't speak over each other you simply don't speak.

Drop the words 'blow' and 'job' into the conversation. He's pretty much guaranteed to hear THAT! Then you can say 'now I've got your attention....'

There must be something in the water... last night had the most massive barney, precisely because he won't let me finish a sentence....

Love it iklboo might try that with my dh. Try it back to him, next time he asks you a question just carry on with what you were saying, or tell him "wait, I'm speaking" He probably really doesn't realise he's doing it, my dh doesn't and I pull him up on it when I can be bothered. Tbf I'm usually not saying anything particularly interesting because I talk an awful lot

Did none of you hear John Barrowman on woman's hour telling women that they must say 'look at me! Look into my eyes!!' before stating anything they would like to be inwardley digested by the male in their lives.

I agree he is being incredibly rude BUT I would suggest not trying to get his attention while he is trying to get ready for work etc. It is quite annoying having to listen to someone go on about something quite detailed when you are in the middle of something yourself.

I'm sure he is tricky any time, but perhaps you could pick you moments - ie when he's not doing something else.

Yes, it is rude. An easy mistake to make when he/anyone is busy - but still, he needs to make time to listen to you.

You could meet in the middle: he tries to listen better, and you talk in Bloke Speak:

Instead of ...
You: "The shower's broken again. I don't know what's happened to it, but that bit that attaches to the shower head isn't screwing in tight enough or something, and it's leaking, so we need to get it fixed."
He hears: "Blah blah blah blah blah ..."

Try ...
You: "Shower. Broken. Needs fixing."
He hears: "Shower. Broken. Needs fixing."

Pretty primal, I know, but it works a treat with DS. He'll hear you for sure - and then you can get a bit of a conversation going.

Dunno if that helps?

Yes, he is rude but Rumbled has offered you some really good advice.

I've worked with loads of alpha males over the years and the best way to communicate with them is to get them at the right moment and speak to them in short sharp sentences (delivered one sentence at a time) like this:-

You: I had an appointment at the bank yesterday
Him: Grunt
You: Yes, well I missed it
Him: Grunt
You: Did you hear what I said?
Him: Huh?
You: I missed it
Him: Oh
You: I was so annoyed with myself
Him: Grunt
You: I said I was so annoyed with myself
Him: Hmmm
You: I rang earlier to re-arrange for Tuesday

I'm so used to talking like this now I'm guilty of chopping my poor old Mum off mid-sentence. Mind you, I have a really hectic job and I've told my Mum repeatedly not to ring me at work unless it's a life or death situation. She tends to forget this and her 'have you got a minute?' phonecall normally turns into a ramble of how she went into town yesterday and lost her glasses but when she went back up the High Street to M&S she bumped into that nice Mrs Gray that used to live next door to Auntie Beryl, y'know that nice lady whose daughter had the twin girls, well, they're so grown up now....blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!!!

Oh dear, sorry Mum!