pregnant, single, split with ex and feeling v.low

[Poll32]

Hi, I am now 19 weeks pregnant, but am now single having spilt up with my ex. Initially the pregnancy was a shock to everyone as I thought I couldn't have children.

My ex and I were happy at first, but I was having some hassle from my parents, mainly my dad as I think they always thought I would be married first (they are older and of a different generation). Also my ex is black and a Muslim (neither of which bother me) so it was a lot of things for them to take in, but now they are used to the idea and my mum is more excited than me!

Anyway, my ex and I started arguing so in the end we spilt up and if I am honest I did consider an abortion, but I couldn't bring myself to go through with. I was OK initially, but as I work with my ex and see him everyday it has been getting harder. I didn't really want to spilt up with him, but I felt like he was supporting me enough and was putting pressure on me. He wanted to get married 'today', but I wanted to wait. Another reason why we spilt up.

He already has a baby girl who will be one in April. I always knew about her and accepted her, but now I am pregnant I can't help feeling down. I have got this maybe stupid thought in my head that he won't want to know our child and will just want to know his daughter. I have a feeling he and her mother maybe getting back together and to be honest, I don't think he was really ever over her in the first place, but I think I am just starting to get paranoid.

My mum says that I shouldn't be bothered if he likes the child or not, but I am bothered. If I weren't pregnant I know I wouldn't contact him and I keep telling myself not to as it just upsets me yet somehow I manage to pick myself up, contact/see him and bingo I have to start all over again. This time I feel even more down than before and I feel so lonely and bless my mum, she tries, but she doesn't really understand what is going on in my head, but then I am not sure I do either. I am so tired and my eyes are tired from crying and I don't know how to stop....

I am sorry if I have waffled here, but I don't have anyone to talk to and everything is just eating away at me. I wish I didn't feel so sad

When you're pregnant your hormones are all over the place so I think it is normal that you don't really know where you are at at the moment.

You have to ask yourself though why you don't want to get married now and tell him why. If you just told him "no" then he could be confused as to how much you love him and how you see your future together.
your baby will also be his daughter or son who he will love just the same.(of course it matters to you, I think your mum is just trying to help) And if he wants to marry you chances are that he loves you. If he is a normal reasonable person he would not have proposed if he wasn't over his ex. People have exes, doesn't mean they'll get back together or even want to.

If you are feeling very low you could be suffering from depression (brought on by the pregnancy hormones) and you should talk abuot it with your GP because he will be able to help with that.

what a lot to come to terms with, small wonder you are low.
pregnancy makes us all feel up and down anyway, even in the best of circs.
my advice to you for now is not to worry a jot about him or his plans, and look after number one. i wouldnt even bother contacting him for now if it makes you feel down.
have a look for bumps and babes groups, try and start building a support network for when baby comes.
ask your midwife.
have a look at the lone parent and the antenatal boards on here.
build yourself up, whether he is interested or not, be a brilliant mum.

Hi Poll,

Come and join us on the 'pregnant and doing it on our own' thread in lone parents .... there are quite a few of us around!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! It is an exciting and confusing time, with hormones and what not.

Your father was upset that you were not married. Your man then suggested you get married today, and you say no, and you argued and you split up? Did I get it rigth?
He must feel really sad and cut up about this.

You need to talk to him and tell him how you feal.

I did my pregnancy alone too. It was tough emotionally as I wanted to be a ''proper family'' but it was also very exciting. I have since realised that we are a ''proper family'' and that my ex is missing out not me. Also, you will do fine. Do you have support from family?

Your mum sounds lovely. She might not understand totally but she loves you and is there for you. Why not try and forget about your ex and focus on getting baby stuff together with your mum. if you are struggling financially try NCT nearly new sales. They are FAB! You can get very good stuff for a good price. Or there's always freecycle.

It's nice to get advice/opinions from other people. Will certainly look up 'pregnant and doing it on our own thread' and have signed up to do some NCT classes....

As for the the father... he wanted to get married before I found out I was pregnant and I didn't.... and I have also spoken to him and told him he needs to support me more especially as my hormones are all over the place...mmmm.... time will tell.

Still, it's good to know there are other people out there - made me realise I am not totally isolated! Thank you