Is it me or is DH behaving like a nobhead?

[Nobhead]

I have name changed and this could be long as I want to get in as much background info as possible. My DH and I work together and have been married for 2 years we also have an 18 month old DS. Recently he has started to get quite friendly with a 19 yo girl at work who is pretty and actually a nice girl and I get on with her. He says he likes her company and gets on well with her, she laughs at his jokes and it gives his ego a boost etc etc. No problem with that.
However he has now started making inappropriate comments about her to me, which I have told him is totally out of order. He is caining the gym now to get "ripped" cos he wants to look good because he likes the attention and that I don't give him the attention he needs so he has to get his kicks elsewhere. That is utter bollocks I always tell him he how good he looks. He says I don't laugh at him like I used to and that I am a Mum now and don't seem as much fun. He says he wouldn't do anything with her but then says "she wouldn't be interested in me anyway" but I feel like he is doing his utmost to get her to fall for him. I asked him what he thought she thinks of him and he said "I reckon she thinks I'm great, I have a laugh with her I am nice to her etc". I also asked him what he would do if she made a move on him and he said I would tell her no but I would come away thinking I was the dogs bollocks that I can still pull a fit 19 yo.
We have argued constantly about this situation for the last few weeks now because of his what I deem inappropriate behavoir. I have told him I feel weird about it and it's disrespectful and how would he feel if i was doing the same thing and he said "we are different you get your kicks in different ways" WTF.
He just seems to have turned into an arrogant twat since this girl has been paying him attention. He tells me all the time that he thinks he is good looking and that he wishes he was 21 again so that he could go back knowing what he knows now and he would "clean up" with the ladies.
I just don't recognise him anymore he isn't the nice guy I married he is an arsehole at the moment and I am gradually losing respect and love for him. he won't go to marriage counselling and I have told him that if he ever does anything physically or emotionally that would breach our wedding vows that me and DS would be off like a shot. Deep down it would break his heart if I left him but i can't carry on like this. I have told him it hurts me that he feels this way and that I will try to give him more attention but he says "look it's just the situation we are in now and this is my way of dealing with it, if it makes me happy for a few hours a day whats the harm". Help me get some perspective am I overreacting or not?

What a cock. I'd piss him off by saying stuff like "Oh god dear, you aren't trying to flirt with her again are you? You're old enough to be her dad!" whilst laughing and rolling your eyes, whenever you saw him cosying up to her.

Honestly though, has the man no shame or respect? Actually telling you that he is interested in her and expecting you to remain all chirpy and bright at home and in work? He is off his fucking rocket.

i'd remind him that i too am highly fuckable.

lots of blokes do things like this and then women get sad and clingy and cry etc.

i think you need to remind him you wouldn't be a shrivelled up old hag, that you consider yourself quite a catch and if anything should happen, you'll be doing a fair share of fucking too.

i think they forget that bit. too wrapped up in their own dick.

"get up, go to work, go to the gym, come home have a beer, eat tea (which gets fucking cooked for him) and go to bed".

Gosh, that sounds blissful to me. I agree with Dittany, back off on the housework. What is he, twelve?

OP, get rid of the cocklodger

I will come and be your husband (sounds like a lovely life he has there...)

and you won't even have to suck my dick to keep me from trying to get off with 19yo's

"I think he is bricking it now because he doesn't want me to make an "uncomfortable atmosphere" at work by me being horrible to the girl. He is very much about keeping up appearances and doesn't want anyone to think bad of him".

So the only reason he is now going to tone his behaviour down is because he doesnt want to upset the girl

Your dh is a knob & has no respect for you,he sees you as the cleaner & care provider for his son,stop doing so much for him & spend a bit more time on yourself.

Seriously op, nip this in the bud now before life has passed you by,you deserve more than this.

he doesnt have to be horrible to the girl - just stop flirting with her and egging her on - and make it clear to her they are colleagues only and he has a WIFE and CHILD.

one of my colleagues is a great flirt - and there is mutual jokey flirty stuff going on - but there is absolutely no doubt that his wife and children come first. it is HOW they come across.

am more concerned about the child and fatehr relationship in this - doesnt sound like he spends time with him, puts him to bed? reads him stories? if he is at gym then down beer shop in evenings?

his life is monotonous - sure - but does eh enjjoy time with his son at weekends? spend time in evenings? really appreciate his child (who i assume is healthy and fine with no serious problems? does he realise how lucky he is? is he preapred to throw it away and become a visiting dad?)

or does he play "this is my son aren't i clever " and show him off as his progeny when other people around?

agree tho - find out your rights. and seriously, if he not prepared to buckle down what is the point of him if what you want is a respectful partner to raise your child with?

He said it's getting monotonous because all he does is get up, go to work, go to the gym, come home have a beer, eat tea (which gets fucking cooked for him) and go to bed.
Your DH needs to come back to reality and realise the above is 'normal' family life and some people would give their right arm to have this type of normality! Tell him to wake up and grow up, he's a husband and father and if that's not enough for him pack his bags and leave them outside!!

Everyone has a bit of a flirt at work, that's OK. It's even OK to feel flattered by the flirting. It's NOT OK to tell your wife all about it and make her feel insecure.

Don't bother trying to make life comfortable for him. Tell him that if it continues, not only will you kick him out, and cut contact with his child, but you will also tell the girl how unhappy he is making you. She probably doesn't see a problem at the moment, just an office flirt etc, but I'm sure if she knew how big a deal he was making of it and how he was rubbing your nose in it she would go off him quick-smart. At the moment, it doesn't sound like there are any consequences to his behaviour, and some people will carry on with their bad behaviour unless there are consequences. However, if you have to threaten him with divorce to get him to behave, I am not sure how worth it he is tbh.

OP, how old are you both and how long have you been together? just wondered because personally, looking back on my 19 YO self i thought anyone over the age of 25 was a dinosaur and would NEVER have gone out with a man older than 5 or so years older than me. so i would imagine if your d h is older that say 30 ish she owuld not touch him with a bargepole anyway!

i thought "midlife crisis" as well, but either way he is being a total nob to both you and your DS

Is he taking any supplements/body building drinks/weight loss pills? Because those could cause the aggressive & arrogant behaviour. Not that it would excuse it though.

FWIW I think he's building up for an affair with this 19yo. Sorry.