Do you believe in loving one person, forever?

[Flightattendant]

I hope this doesn't sound too stupid, but I'm really interested to know whether this has any substance or is just a big old myth.

Basically I've only really, really been in love properly once.

He wasn't a particularly perfect person and had various problems, still does as far as I know...we are not in touch.

He was my first sexual partner, and when he left, I grieved as though someone had died, it was so so bad.

I invested a lot in him because I believed we'd always be together.

I've not really ever got over him...I've fancied a few blokes since then and I've been out with a couple, even had another child (not planned exactly) but I feel differently about this man than to anyone else I have ever met, or been with.

It's as though I cannot ever stop loving him, faults and everything all taken into consideration, and he was pretty cruel to me. But I don't think I will ever stop feeling that deepest of connections with him.

It's a shame as he has moved on, well I think so, but I suspect he just couldn't deal with my demands (not to drink around ds, etc) as he is very screwed up really, though you might not guess it from the outside.

But despite telling myself over and over that I am OVER him and can find someone else, nobody ever seems to match up. I don't know why.

I'm probably deluded but feel rather stuck.

I think you're in love with the concept of him rather than the reality (similar to what choosy has said)

he sounds like he didn't even treat you that well!

falling in love with screwed up men/bad boys is a curse - you're not his mother, you can't fix him and chances are, he'd screw about again if you ever had another relationship and really hurt you

having said all that, I fully understand that feeling of love for the first person you fall in love with - I think most people feel that and remember that relationship. The trick is to see it without the love-goggles on - i.e. for what it really was. It's hard and it doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid and that first relationship is special.

Maybe try some counselling? Worked well for me....

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I know how you all feel. I never went out with the love of my life. I know he had huge feelings for me and vice versa but when we met and he wanted to get it on I was very screwed up due to controlling ex.I still regret not going with him today.
I sometimes think that God's laughing at me by tormenting me with what could have been. He's still around but has an amazing fit gf (so he has clearly moved on) but when I see him sparks fly. There is that spark or tension between us. More than a frission. He goes red and we both stutter as though we are really shy or embarrased.
I never give anyone the once over but last time we met I ate him up in one glance!

It was love at first sight with me too! Instant!

I'm not reading this whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating someone else. The way I see is: If there was only one true love for each person in the world, the odds that you'd meet your one are pathetically small - in fact, it would be bigger miracle than winning the lottery if you met them before you both die of old age!

Well, there are more happy, in-love-for-life couples than there are lottery winners. So I reckon it's a matter of disposition - and good luck on top of that: you have to meet somebody who's available, compatible, and shares your loving diposition.

Much better odds than 14million-to-one, though

I think it is usual to have the dream of loving one person for life, that's why lots of people cling onto frankly unhappy relationships. It's maybe less common to actually find somebody you are that compatible with.

I definitely think it's daft to hanker after a previously failed or unrealised relationship, and it's entirely possible that there is somebody you can be very happy with for the rest of your time if you learn from your mistakes. So I am pragmatic but romantic

I think that one's reactions to "love" are conditioned by one's upbringing. For example, if you were brought up in an environment where something was badly wrong (ie absent/alcoholic/drug addicted parent)the continuation of loyalty in the face of all evidence to it not being worthwhile (as you've described, FlightAttendant) is unavoidable. We tend to love our parents (as children) regardless of their behaviour and that can translate into our understanding of love when we are older (I am like this, btw).

I also think that as we age, our view of love and what is important changes. I now long for the kind of relationship I fled from throughout my 20s and 30s.

All just my opinion, of course.

Also, don't believe in "the one". Think there are lots of people for everyone - just depends where you are in your life/needs whether it works out or not.