How do you explain to a 2yo that his Daddy is going to live somewhere else?

[ChairmumMiaow]

H and I have separated after he told me he doesn't love me any more and doesn't know whether he wants to try to work things out. I asked him to move out as it is too painful for me to live with him in the same house.

He's looking for somewhere to live and we're sorting out who is taking what furniture etc and its really hard.

We have agreed that DS is going to spend plenty of time with him (I have suggested 3 nights a week including one day at the weekend) which will be very hard for me, but they're very close and they need that time together (plus I am a SAHM so he sees me plenty)

I guess though that I need to try to prepare DS for this. He's taken the separate bedrooms thing very well (he often wakes to find H has already gone out for a run or whatever) but this is going to be a much bigger thing.

Any ideas how I can explain it to him without confusing and upsetting him?

I feel so sad that we're doing this to him but he knows something is wrong and I feel like he needs to get used to this before I have the baby in June. It would be horrible for me to have a baby for a few months and then for him to have to start spending nights away from me.

Where do I start?

My two year old has managed the transition brilliantly - although she is only just two. And we have tried our very best to be nice to each other so she doesn't see any nastiness.

I dithered for ages thinking I was doing something terrible to her but in reality she is far happier now that we are happier.

Did you talk to her about it first, or did your P/H just go and you acted like it was normal.

DS was only 2 at the end of january so not much different

He just went and we acted like normal - she was 2 in December.

thanks. I'm quite worried I'll break down when he asks repeatedly where is Daddy is. He already does it randomly in the day and I have to explain Daddy is at work. He understands that but "Daddy's house" is going to be a hard concept

That bit is hard - but my dd has only done it a couple of times. And I have said 'daddy is working' or 'you are going to see daddy tomorrow', enthusiastically. We do lots of phoning too.

I found the thought of it to be worse than the reality. They are so resilient and adaptable.

Mine was 2 when daddy went - she's 17 now. Thought I was doing the right thing by sitting her down and explaining that daddy would be in a different house. She listened then said 'ok, can we watch winnie the pooh now?'

My point is, they are too young at that age to understand what it means. She has enjoyed a great relationship with her dad and it was my responsibility not to break down if she asked where daddy was, which she didn't. They are so much more accepting and adaptable when they are younger. Try not to worry so much, I know it's hard but he will cope. We tend to think that they will think like we do but the don't.

Same with mine. Not what any of us would wish for but they do accept it, they don't have the preconceived ideas that we do as adults. Just keep all other routines as steady as possible.

Thanks, that does help.

H was away a fair bit before Xmas, working, and DS took it really badly. However we were struggling with him generally and he's a lot more settled at the moment, even though he can see I'm upset ("Mummy cry" he likes to shout).

I just feel guilty because outwardly, in the evenings, we're putting up a good front for DS, and H wanted to carry on like that but it was too hard for me.

There's always something to feel guilty about too.