can someone talk to me about erectile dysfunction

[LaDietrich]

met a lovely LOVELY new man, however we ended up in bed at the weekend and turns ot poor guys has major erection problems which have been going on for last 20 years. he is only early 40s he says he took a CI pill that night but it didn't seem to work well, (although in the end with lots of oral and some hand action he did get hard enough to and came) Problem is I like penetrative sex and so far (two times) we haven't managed to get him hard enough. He is REALLY generous in bed, lots of oral, touching, stroking, kissing etc, only problem is while it turns me on a LOT it doesn't get me there iykwim...my normal no probs position in on top, grinding down hard (sorry if TMI )- is it possible to replicate this somehow without actually doing it ? (if he only has a wibbler of an erection to start with I suspect this position would totally kill it)

any other good ideas - I really like him and am a leetle bit devastated by this but game to try and see what we can make from it- his last 3 year relship ended due to it I think so he is obviously a bit unsure...

he has a cock ring which he says helps, and used it that time, he has just ordered another type to see if that will help. I guess he mst have been a bit nervous what with new woman in his bed and all, he says usually the tablets do work...

aaargh! please tell me it'll be ok...he is SUCH a sweetie ...

Was going to name-change but can't be bothered - every new name has already been taken.

Will go back and read whole thread, but could there be an underlying medical reason - my boyfriend has diabetes caused by a major road accident when young and this can affect his functioning, although he manages fairly well, albeit with medication.

sound advice as per usual from AF. Agree on the not faking orgasm, he will assume he is doing something right and carry on where in fact he is doing nothing for you . Take your buzzy along, could be fun and at least you will have a on your face. Really hope things work out, you both sound lovely.

Hi, I ask him to say something tonight on here tonight. I don't think he will mind.

Af I don't think that being with me will make that much difference at all - I agree his issues seem well entrenched - I also agree I shouldn't fake it again - never have done before and you are right, he will assume he is doing something right - which of course he is...just not right enough

I do like a good rogering as you so beautiflly put it but having been in a relationship for 16 years with a guy who could deliver that but none of the rest I am also quite aware it isn't the be all and end all...

the affection, cuddles, etc this guys gives are also extremely important to me...maybe moreso...

gingersling - any input from your h very much appreciated

thanks www and bumblelion - glad your DP can function well even with his illness

meanwhile, off to buy some batteries for the weekend no harm in giving it a go...

LD, dp has the same problems as your man .

My dp says

It was my appearing not to care about the problem that reduced anxiety and made it less of a problem.

He was also helped by my wearing clothes that had bought (feminine dresses, pretty underwear) and I gave him a feeling of being in control. To get kick started he got viagra from his GP (there are 3 strengths, he tried the middle strength). It took about 45 minutes to work but we don't need it now

At the time dp was getting reasonably hard in his sleep and sometimes in the morning, like your dp. He still finds that the strenght of his hard comes and goes from day to day and some days he can't get hard.

He has found that 30 minutes exercise at the start and end of the day produces an incredible hard the following day. Keep off coffee.

Is your man hypoclycemic/early stages of diabetes? Because excess sugar in the bloodstream can damage blood vessels of the cock. Definitely have a health check up at the GP.

I think it is very widespread.

(the above was my dp; hope it helps)

thanks GS - that's really interesting

have decided just to relax about it all and see what happens...we spent the night together last night and it was wonderful...I came quite close to orgasming and reckon once I get more used to him and this new sort of sex that'll just happen...but I really enkoyed it anyway even without a big O...he is brilliant at turning me on and I love it...I'm getting more confident in letting him know what I like and he is loving that...I'm also feeling happy that he is enjoying himself in bed with me...he gets totally blissed out when I turn my attentions on him and it's nice...he woke in night with a hardon and managed to get inside me for first time, was good though I was bit too conscious of it all to totally relax but am sure that'll come [pardon pun]

I'm on ADs so coming can be an illusive pursuit even when I am totally relaxed so am going to stop worryong/focssing on that and just enjoy the attentiveness and wonderful tactility he has to offer...the rest will follow...

mostactive - I'm sorry to hear your DP has similar problems - hope you can work it out or get to enjoy the others sides of sex anyway

thank you so much everyone...I am feeling much happier about it all now and pretty sure that I'll be able to have a good sex life with him whatever way the ed stuff goes...

mmmmmmmmm.....just thinking about last night makes me smile

Yes you should seek medical attention. There is so much available these days to help with these kind of problems. I know it's taboo, embarassing etc, but healthcare professionals are professional and adept at dealing with these situations that and you shouldn't be afraid. Seen one, seen them all etc!

I am in identical circumstances and reading this thread toadintheholes comment really stood out for me

' I wonder if he needs to learn how to enjoy you pleasing him, rather than enjoying pleasing you.'

Like LaDietrich, my new man is also perfect in every other way, highly attentive, sensitive and generous in bed, and very vocal about how it is all about the woman's pleasure for him, last night also, surprisingly, mentioning that for him, bj's are not such a big deal as he knows they are for most men.

But as Toad suggested, because I suspect his previous very, very long term ex may not have been demonstrable in bed as he has complained she was not overly affectionate outside of bed, then perhaps he has overcompensated on concentrating on the woman's pleasure so much he has neglected his own. He is also dead silent in bed, not an utterance, which makes it difficult for me to know what he appreciates!

Anyway, I am going to take Toad's advice and delve a bit deeper, find out what he really likes, the possibility also remaining that he may not even know himself yet and I will just have to learn to be more attuned and sensitive to encouraging his relaxation.

A little TMI here, but I have always enjoyed quite rough and yamming hard penetrative sex, so to have to reconfigure my sensualbrain around something more delicate and sensitive is going to be a challenging process, but as I love solving problems, I will try to treat this accordingly with the understanding it requires I think. Needless to say I have read other Mumsent threads where the general consensus is to drop the man before you fall in love, otherwise you will be trapped in a sexually fraught or ultimately sexless relationship, but my own opinion is that everything can be solved eventually, with good communication, understanding and determination to try all avenues of help.

Just noticed how old this thread is, crikey!! :D

Not to scare you or anything,, but I had a similar problem once. I was very sympathetic and patient and over the year,it transpired that he cheated on his wife with a paid for sex Web cam girl and was way too heavily into porn!!!! I did notice near the end that anything super dirty or kinky could sustain him, but that I could forget about any attempts to "make love". Anyhow, I just had to bin!!!!

Oh bugger! !!

Zombie! 10 year old zombie!