I'm not sure where to put this, if I wanted to try and find my nephew how would I do this?

[BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny]

My brother has 2 children. He was in a relationship when he was 18, they moved in together and they had a baby boy. A couple of years on he wasn't happy. He met someone ('Mel')else and left his family to live with her after he'd only known her a week (I know, he's a fool ). They were together for about 6 months when she fell pregnant. When the baby ('Adam') was about 8 months old she threw my brother out, she said he wasn't taking an interest in the baby, she wanted him to work and was on at him all the time (he has tourettes, the more stressed he gets the more his symptoms really show and he gets really tired), they were silly reasons to be honest. He took an overdose on his last day with her when she told him to leave, she found him and he was taken to hospital, he then moved back in with my mum. She and Adam lived 20 miles away from my mum, my brother had no money at all and I am the first to admit that he should have made arrangements to see Adam.
After a month she phoned my mum and told her that as my brother had not made any effort to see Adam then she didn't want him to see him at all as it would confuse Adam, she also said it was unfair for any of our family to see him because my brother couldn't see him. My father died nearly 2 years ago without seeing Adam or hearing from his mum, Adam was born with kidney problems and my father was concerned all the time about him. We always think about Adam, we have presents for him which we have kept over the last few years since we have not seen him. My mum has tried to call his mum to ask about Adam but his mum let her calls go to the answer phone and never called her back, the last time my mum called the phone was dead. My brother still see's his first son, he thinks about Adam all the time but doesn't know what to do about things, he's a worrier and isn't proactive about things. I'd like to make sure Adam is OK and has everything he needs but I don't know where he is, I know the area though but have no address or contact details for him.
It seems really unfair that his mum could do this, my brother wasn't abusive, he wasn't a drunk or took drugs, he doesn't gamble. She was just annoyed that he didn't cook her tea or buy her a mothers day present

Oh that is very sad for all of you.I don't have any experience of this so can't offer any help or advice but I guess it depends how old Adam would be now? Have you done the obvious google/facebook etc searches for his mother? I would think your brother could apply legally for access to Adam?

I think we have to find them first helly. He'll be 4 now, starting school in September. I have tried Google/facebook. My brother didn't think things through with her, he'd only known her a week when he left his girlfriend and child for her, I don't condone what he did and I am really disappointed in him for doing this. He does have 2 children now though, she kicked him out for not getting her a mothers day card, we do think she used him to have Adam, she couldn't wait to kick my brother out.

Thankyou for replying

If you have her full name and (roughly) where she lives try www.192.com

hth

I don't know that you would have to find them yourself,as the police can trace someone as can social services.The sooner the better obviously as you want to have contact and he is still young enough for a good case for access to be presented.I think maybe your bro should go to the citizens advice bureaux and get basic legal advice,while you try and trace her other ways,and then you can decide whether to pursue a legal case.

Thankyou ande, I don't think she wants us to find her though, she's moved, changed her mobile phone number, they didn't have a land line. I'll give it a try though

Thankyou helly. I'll give him a call tomorrow

If hes 4 and you know roughly what area they are in frequent parks and playgroups/preschools, ask around the worry here is the possibility she has a new partner and has illegally changed Adams last name ....come Sept you could trawl around the primary schools or perhaps as our newspaper does it will show class photos of all the new starters?

Its awful the not knowing - I lost touch with my brother and spent 14 years on and off looking for him at one point I stood in a busy market place just stopping people and asking - once we got an address for him we got there to find hed moved out half an hour before we did find him (using illegal measures ) but the reunion wasnt what Id expected and we still dont have much contact.

Oh nick.

It's been 3 years, we don't know what he looks like now, we've had no contact at all. The local newspaper sounds like a good idea though, he did look like my brother's other son.

It's horrible, he's just a little child. I don't know how someone can be this cruel.

It is cruel to use a child like that,I hope you find him Belle.

Thankyou. I'm so sorry things didn't work out for you.

I don't know if this will be much help, but I have heard of a similar-ish case where a grandmother fought for something like three years to gain access to the grandchild that her son had fathered basically in a fling or one night stand. He - the son - was completely uninterested but his mother was so desperate to have contact/a relationship with her grandchild that she just kept on battling away till she got there, and she did and now is a part of her grandchild's life. I can't give you any more details as it's a friend of a friend type thing and I don't actually know the people involved, but the friend who told me about it doesn't bullshit so I trust this is how it happened. I think she kept to legal measures but basically went to court again and again, whatever, for as long as it took; as hellymelly said there should be a legal case for access in your situation. My personal feeling is that in cases like this if you/your mother are prepared to keep on going till you get there, then you probably will, iyswim; it's sometimes a question of attitude and dogged perseverance.

I realise that the case is different in that your brother was in a relationship with "mel", and that he does want to see "adam", but I'm coming more from the angle of what you and your mother can do without him if necessary just based on what you say about him not being pro-active etc; I think you do need a lot of emotional and practical stamina to take on something like this and it doesn't sound like he has that so much. If you and your mother do then maybe together you can get there. HTH.

Thankyou Pink. That gives me hope, we have to do something, I wouldn't like for him to think that his family gave up on him when he's older.

glad that's some help Belle! and fwiw I think it's really good that you're thinking about this, hopefully it will work out and if it does I think it will mean a lot to him when he's older to know that this side of his family were prepared to fight to know him and be part of his life. Good luck!

Thankyou.

I know where you are coming from Reality. I'm a single mum, ds's father is shite but it's not my place to prevent either him nor his family from seeing ds, he's their blood aswell. If he decides he doesn't want to see them when he's older then I'll support him, it's his right.

As far as my sister and I are concerned, she got herself pregnant and ditched my brother as soon as she could. He told her shortly before she kicked him out that he didn't want to have any more children yet, it all kicked off after this, the mothers day present he didn't get her was just an excuse. This little boy is still family, we want to make sure he's OK and happy.

You did say yourself that your brother made no effort to see him at all, is it so surprising how it turned out? Even now, its you looking for the child, not him.

Find out where he is and find out for your own piece of mind he is ok, but I agree with pp, be careful. Its unlikely you are going to get the outcome you would like.

In all honesty he hasn't, there's so much more he could have done. His excuse was that his car was not road worthy, fair enough but I think he could have gone on the bus or the train. A month after her kicking him out my mum called her to see how the little one was (she did phone her before this though), this is when she said she didn't want my brother to see him again, it was only a month. He claims he's just following her wishes.