Is texting a reason for separating?

[Kayzr]

Last November I found out that H was texting another woman. I thought I would be ok with it as he didn't do anything physical. But I just can't get it out of my head. It's killing me and we are having huge rows about it.

I just don't know what to do and my head is spinning. I don't know if I love him anymore.

What would you do?

I'm so scared that the boys will hate me. DS1 is 3 in 2 weeks. I don't want him to remember his birthday as the time his parents split up.

Why can't life be simple?

I think when your kids grow up they will see things for what they really are.

a 3 yo would not associate his birthday with any other occurrence in his life

staying together for teh sake of the children is usually a huge mistake

you are young, you have many years ahead of yuo, you deserve to be with a man who loves and values you enough to not go looking for other women

and what sort of example is it to your boys?

he has hurt you deeply nad won't even acknowledge it

you can decide what happesn, you know, you can make decisions, you don't have to wait,

if you feel this is a deal breaker, then you don't need anyone else to tell you it is or isn/t

Kay, do you remember your 3rd birthday? I don't remember mine at all. I was very nearly 8 when my parents split up, I barely remember any of it, and the bits I do remember, I don't really remember, it's all in the wrong order, and parts of what others have told me that I think I might remember. Anyway long story short is, he won't remember.

And FWIW, I have never blamed my parents for breaking up, it is all I remember really, even the odd memories I have of before when they were together, I never actually saw them together.

You will do them no good staying in an unhappy marriage. And who knows, if at the end of this month he realises exactly what he's done, and you've seen that you do still love each other, and forgiveness is an option then you may well end up back together anyway. It's happened before.

I don't think I remember my 3rd birthday.

We are going to separate as I can't live like this. Maybe in a few months or something I'll think that I do love him enough to forgive and move on but right now I can't forgive him.

His sister said that her and her partner are always sending rude messages to other people. So that makes it ok apparently.

who cares what his sister or whoever gets up to?
this is about your marriage and your feelings

kayz it's one thing to send an innocent "flirty" text with your partner's consent, it's another to do it behind your wife's back with unfaithful intentions.

They are so different they cannot be compared.

Just as some people are happy to have open marriages or don't consider kissing someone else to be unfaithful, but others (probably most) do.

Agree with Lulu, this is nothing to do with anything else, or what anybody else does in their relationship.

I am really sorry you've come to this decision Kay, or rather that this is happening to you.

FWIW, I think you are very brave, and I think you will look back in a years time and congratulate yourself on being strong enough to get your babies out of that situation.

I don't feel strong at all. I am terrified. I can't believe that it's ended up like this.

I think you are immensely brave for even geting to this stage to be honest. I think from what you've said about dh and his response to the whole sorry situation that there really is no other way forward than the one you've decided to take. I don't think anyone would want to be in the situation you've found yourself in, but we'd all hope we would respond in the same way as you have xx

this might be a wake up call for your DH, to see what he is putting at stake by doing this

it has been a wake up call for you too, to see the reality of how he is.

there is nothing to say it has to be over now, fivorce immediately, but certainly you will both need thinking time and i would expect to see some incredibly hard work from him to regain your trust if you want to continue

I never thought he would do this. He was badly hurt by an ex and it's just the last thing I would expect him to do.

Kayz, have you got someone with you, for you? I think you could do with some RL support right now.

No I haven't. H is here as I'm at work at 4. I can't wait to get there so I can get out of the house.

I might see if my best friend is about later in the week once I've done all my shifts for this week.

Well just be careful, aside from anything else this has all been a nasty shock for you, it will hit you at some point, and the longer that takes, the worse it will hit. You are going to need to lean on someone.

Don't forget your friends will want to be there for you, they'd hate to think of you going through it all on your own.

Kayz so it has come to this for you but I do think seperation is what is needed for you to get your head around everything that has happened. Plus if you are to get through this H needs to see that you mean buisness, and that his behaviour has serious consequences.

Do you have to go to work this week? Any chance you could phone in sick or would you not get paid?

I don't want to miss work really. I think I need it to keep me sane TBH. Plus I've been ill twice this year and I really don't want to risk it.