Don't like this feeling.

[lookingahead]

Hi

Have recently split from DH (announced he didn't love me and left suddenly). It has been a horrible and emotional few months but I am just about starting to feel that I can see a future without 'us' and am feeling stronger. I am in no way shape or form interested in being with anyone else although I guess at some point in the future that will change.

My issue is ... I find i really hard to be out and about and see couples that are madly in love and families that are seemingly deleariously happy in each others' company. I have never been a bitter and twisted person and really honestly don't want to feel this way but I can't help it. It's not just with people who I don't know.. I am starting to be envious of my friends and how loving their DH's and relationships with them are too. I spoke with my counsellor about this and she said that statistically I won't be the only one of my friends that this happens to and that of course every family you see it together are not always happy but it doesn't make me feel any better - Mainly because it's not that I don't want other people (friends or otherwise) to not be happy - or have problems - It's more that I don't want to feel this way! I am even semi dreading the summer as then it's open season for love, frolicking and affection -at least in the winter it's under wraps!

I have many other wonderful things in my life - my DCs, lots of friends and a good job so I really do appreciate that it could be a lot worse...I am sure this feeling will pass but in the mean time... Does anyone have any useful tips to feel less or on how they get over this ?

Hi lookingahead

I know that feeling too and it makes me sad.

I have been with DH more than 20 years and now we are having major problems with our marriage due to poor communication and mutual neglect.

One of the reasons I realised we were in serious trouble was seeing families out together even just pushing a trolley round Tesco made me feel jealous and unhappy. I wanted what they had. A loving relationship with someone special.

So I took the plunge and told DH I wasn't happy and things had to change. We have been to Relate and counsellors and things are just beginning to improve.

I know it is hard to see, it reminds you what you are missing but be brave and strong and your turn will come one day! I second anothermum when she says accept these feelings are valid and they will lose their sting a little.

I know what you mean but it does get better. I know that it's not easy to think of the positives of being single but there are some. Use this time to nurture yourself. One day you will be in one of those loved up couples again!

Thanks for your lovely posts. Good to know I am not the only one and that it doesn't have to last forever. I made a list the other day of things that I like about being single (have seen quite a few on LP threads too) and not having 'him' around. There are quite a few but he actually was for the most part a really good husband (err until the last year -I can draw on all the negatives from the last year tho -there are plenty as he seemed to morph into a different person pretty quickly). He went into therapy to sort out some childhood issues and seemed to come out brainwashed - claimed he had changed for the better but actually turned into an unrecognisable person. Anyway that's another story.

Yes I look forward to the day that I can see these loving couples and family units as something that I may have again one day instead of something I just used to have . To be fair I suppose that we must have looked just like that until a few months ago..... I have realised that I need to sort out some of my own self esteem issues before I even think about being ready to meet anyone else as I think that may have been half the problem -ie why I ended up with someone who has so many issues himself in the first place.