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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Deluded or was this a 'moment'?

29 replies

mrsconflicted · 28/02/2010 14:16

Marriage has hit a rocky patch and we're working through it. Love my husband very much but suppose have been pretty low and feeling unloved for some time. I was at a client function on Friday night and it was in the middle of nowhere, company put on cabs to get us back home and I was placed in a cab with someone I had never met. The journey was an hour and a half and ended up being such a strange intense event that I'm reeling and don't know what to make of it. Can't stop thinking about it and feel guilty although I didn't do anything. Basically got chatting to the guy I'd been put together with and had such a spark it was insane. Talked about our work and lives and past it was like I'd known this person forever...didn't even know his name. After an hour or so, he turned round to me and just said is it just me or is this a pretty strange scenario. He said that he felt he had this insane connection and I know it sounds like bullshit but there was a tangible spark in the air. I was shaking - this hasn't ever in my whole life happened to me. Before I got out he just said "look at me" and I was locked in this stare. I said I was married and had to go - he didn't touch me or try and kiss me or anything but it was such an intense moment. I can't stop thinking about it. Am I just being a complete weirdo or did it mean something? And I wouldn't act on it in any event, I've made my vows but has this ever happened to you? as though you may have just stumbled upon someone that in different circumstances could be really significant? I feel quite ill with nerves thinking about it.

OP posts:
Whizzywigg · 28/02/2010 21:47

I'm interested as to why many posters have concentrated on the fact that OP didn't "do" anything, when the really interesting thing is that she did. Mrs C., - it sounds as though you have had a huge emotional response to the man - to the extent you've experienced it as a physical event (body shaking etc) - that most certainly is something!

My take would be that there are certain times when we "open to approach" iyswim.. lots of single people aren't (I wasn't for a long time)... but it sounds like your marriage being less than you want has made you receptive.

Was he playing you? I doubt it tbh. Of course, many man will feed you some lines and a pina colada and chance their arm - but what you describe is an intense phsyical reaction, and I think it is difficult to orchestrate that.

It does sound like you had some sort of intense connection... I disagree that it would necessarily wear off once the initial excitement is passed... but if you belive the romance of it all, and that he is "the one" or whatever, where does that leave you.

What to do? See him again, and you will swirl in deeper. Affairs are miserable and depressing. And the worst possible way to end a marriage...

Though it probably feels exciting and interesting to turn this strangely exciting meeting over and over in the safety of your own mind or MN today, this chance encounter is not a good thing... unless you;re thinking of throwing your lot in with the stranger and ruunning for the hills....

Do let us know what you decide!

OrmRenewed · 28/02/2010 21:59

I had a 'moment' like this once. I had been married a year. I thought it was the real thing. More exciting than I had felt with Dh for years. The moment expanded and I had a brief 'affair'. It wasn't worth it. And the guilt and shame lasted longer than the excitement. Not good. In the end it's just sex. Big deal.

mrsconflicted · 01/03/2010 21:07

OrmRenewed I guess that is what I'm scared of. I can't risk my mariage which is built on years of trust and affection and love. The marriage isn't great at the moment - mental health problems putting it under a real strain but I know that I want to keep working at it. The moment was powerful because it felt like someone was seeing me clearly (my husband hasn't 'seen' me for months) if that makes any sense. And when someone suggests that you are interesting and clever and 'alluring' well it's nice but your post struck a chord with me. I can imagine swirling into this whole thing and then having the harsh blue cold light of day dawn on me and realise I f*ed up big time. I wish I didn't feel so tempted but I've had a word with myself today.

OP posts:
MuzRM · 01/03/2010 21:25

I had a moment like this last summer. Unfortunately, I tool it further. It destroyed my life. Trust me, see it for what it is, dangerous. You seem to have a strong long-term and healthy marriage. Just work on it, mix it up a bit if your missing that excitement. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy

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