Can you run out of love?

[missiemoomoo]

I have been with DH for almost 15 years (married for 6), he was my first and only love and I really want to say we will be together for the rest of our lives. We have a beautiful DD who is nearly 4 and from the outside our life looks perfect. The problem is I am unsure if I am in love with him anymore. I have been then main breadwinner for the past 3 years and I think I resent this now as I couldn?t be the stay at home mum I wanted to be (DH struggled to get a job paying enough money). For the past year DH has been working away and coming home weekends, I now dread weekends ? I love having the house to myself and DD, having my own routine in the week and being able to come and go as I please ? as I being selfish???...DH is never controlling and would never stop me from doing anything I wanted to do but I feel I need to tell him where I am, when I?ll be home (not like I am going out partying or anything ? usually just to visit my sister or mum!), I feel like a teenager explaining to their parents. He makes me feel like I can?t see friends or my family as we should spend the time just the 3 of us as Dh doesn?t see us in the week. Money is still really tight and I think I resent having to work full time (only stopped work for 6 months when had dd). He was a rat in the first 4 or so years of our relationship (affairs etc), I was young and silly and either ignored what was happening or turned a blind eye to it. He knows he was stupid and he hasn?t done this for a good 11 years (and I really believe he wouldn?t), every time we argue I bring this up and he gets cross as he says its in the past and so long ago. I don?t want him to touch me and we rarely spend any time together in the bedroom (if you know what I mean!), I love him as the father of my dd but think I have just run out of love for him as my dh, if I ask him to leave this would be very traumatic for dd (she?s a complete daddy?s girl)?I really don?t know what to do! Should I just stop worrying about our finances and stop resenting him and just start living?but how!

hi

Like you say it would be traumatic for your daughter but you also have to think of yourself too, would it help if you could think to yourself that at the moment you have the best of both worlds, ie week to your self and a husband at the weekend, is it really that bad when he is there? I know its easier said than done, maybe you are resenting him for what he has done in the past, but please think before you do something you may regret.

yes you can. i have twice! both times i was in an abusive relationship where i loved the respective inadequate bloke sooooo much. after each bit of crap i took it got harder for me to feel like we were on track after apologies etc. then all of a sudden it was all gone; all the love, passion, respect. and with each relationship i didn't actually see it coming til it happened. it was at the point where all hope had gone.

oh dear hun unfortunately alot of time on your own can be very dangerous especially if there are past unresolved issues such as his past affairs i think if he had given you the chance to talk about it you wouldnt feel like this, i think you need to make him listen before things get out of hand im afraid feelings of resentment are the worst because its only you who has those feelings as for the finances its a joint problem i think you both need some sort of conselling good luck

This sounds very unhealthy. Totally understand what you're saying about your little girl, but you all need more ...clarity and honesty in your lives.
Everyone deserves a chance of happiness, him as well as you. Sounds like you need to have a really good think about things and to make some positive decisions. You guys are either together, or you're not. Don't use geography or routine for an excuse. You can still love him as the father of your child if you're not together.

chubbasmum i think you're right about having too much time on your own in the sense that negativities can magnify and fester; but i also think that in some situations it can be empowering. coping on your own, and learning to enjoy your own company, and to develop a successful routine removes the fear of being alone that kept you in a potentially damaging relationship in the first place. it kind of removes the (possibly now irrational) reasons for forgiveness that were afforded when a person was first wronged, and was probably more afraid and vulnerable.
missiemoomoo you need to have that talk with him, although you are probably dreading it! but i have experienced that 'all out of love' feeling. it happened to me, as i said, and on reflection it seemed that every time i was shat upon it chipped away at the love i had without me realising it was happening.