Should I stay friends or let it go?

[cake4ever]

In November I joined an internet dating site and quite quickly met someone who I chatted to via e-mail and then Messenger for a few months. We spoke most nights and got on really well but he didn't want to meet straight away because he wanted to get to know me a bit first and he was having issues of his own with regards to his ex-wife.

We did eventually meet and got on really well. I clicked with him straight away, even before we met and over the months I have fallen for him. I have never done this in my life so far but we ended up sleeping together even though he made it very clear to me that he wasn't ready for a relationship. It was my mistake really because he was very clear and never lied to me so I went into it knowingly. However, because I don't normally do that kind of thing casually, I have felt quite disgusted with myself, despite enjoying it at the time.

It has happened several times and we have had a few conversations where I've told him that I would like a relationship with him.

However, this week he has told me that he does not have the same feelings for me and views me only as a friend (we have been speaking to each other every night for hours since November). He has never pretended otherwise but I naively thought that his feelings would develop but they haven't and he said they never will but he doesn't want to lose me as a friend because he is very fond of me.

Over the last couple of nights I have been very very upset and can't understand why he doesn't feel like that about me as we get on brilliantly in every way and I have supported him through some bad stuff.

My dilemma is do I continue being a friend (no sex though) and just wait for that bombshell to drop when he meets someone else or do I stop all contact now.

Neither of the above sounds very good and it is all a bit painful. I am also very angry with myself for being so stupid and naive and falling for someone AGAIN who isn't interested in me. It's crap and here I am again upset and crying.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I'm sorry, but this is just silly. You met him in November, and he was straight from the start about wanting to be friends..... but slept with you anyway???

It's not even like you and he have agreed that you will be f**k-buddies, where both of you know that it's all just for fun, no strings, expectations etc.

You've been hanging on hoping he's come round and fall in love with you, and you've allowed yourself to get emotionally attached to a man that just wants to be 'your friend'

Well DAMN him to hell, he could see this coming and slept with you anyway, and you were told from the start that it wasn't going anywhere, but carried on regardless.

I think he has been utterly manipulative, he's been getting his jollies, while leading you on the whole time, but without any form or shred of responsibility coming from his side.

He is NOT your friend, he is a bloke trawling the internet dating sites looking for an easy and willing target. He'll say he only wants to be friends, but he'll try it on anyway..

Argh, men like him make me sick.

Dump him, tell him you've met someone else, he'll never know the difference.

Sorry cake he sounds like a tw*t.

Ditch him, don't respond to any more texts and move on - he's awful. He deserves to be 'upset'!!! Manipulative so and so. He's playing stupid games and you are being eaten alive.

Walk away and get angry - don't look back. lots of love xx

'I think I'm going to leave it with him. I can't take responsibility for him being upset about it.' - NO - why shouldn't he be upset about it, you are upset about it. Please look after yourself first; he's not going to.

Just say you've decided it would be easier for you both to meet new people if you stop contact and delete his number. You don't have to be nasty about it, just say it gently, and then do it.

he's a prize wanker. doesn't respect your feelings and just wants to talk about himself and have a quick shag every now and then!

please break contact.

He has been a bit of a whanger but it is actually very difficult to know what to do when someone decides to fall in love with you. If you cut them off, you are cruel and unfeeling, if you are nice to them you are 'leading them on'. SHagging them is usually a bad idea but sometimes you do it because you are a bit pissed, a bit randy, and also you are wondering if shagging them might even 'switch on' your relationship feelings for them.
Your best option (and actually, the most ethical one) is to say to this man that you want a relationship and will have a better chance of finding one with someone else, so you wish him well but don't want further contact with him.

Thanks everyone - you're all talking sense. I haven't contacted him at all for a couple of days and I'm already feeling better for it. Guess what - surprise surprise he hasn't been in touch - probably giving me some "space" to sort myself out. I'm not gonna go there anymore - too much hurt and I've had enough. I realise I am worth more than this so sod him - he can bugger off because I'm gonna find someone who will love and care for me (well eventually anyway!!).

Thank you so much, you've all crystallised what I was really thinking but sometimes it's good to have a second opinion.