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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Another unfathomable situation.

8 replies

saddest · 26/02/2010 14:16

Please forgive me for offloading here.

I am trying to illuminate all the very weird stuff that has happened to me.

Last year as my H started to behave in an increasingly strange way, I decided to ring two or three of his mates to take him out for a pint, and try to get him to talk, to offload. He has had a lot of difficulty at work.

I rang three of his mates, two of whom then did take him out for a pint.

The third is someone that I have known on and off, at work, for twenty five or so years. Much longer than I have known my H. He has been friends with H for a long time.

Instead of going for a drink, he turned on me, and said that he never wanted me to ring him ever again, That we had never been mates and had just worked together a couple of times.

Well I am flummoxed by this. It's just not true!

My marriage is falling apart and this so called friend seems to be doing everything in his power to make sure that it does fail

This "friend" went behind H's back to take work off H. His excuse when found out, was to say that he didn't think H wanted to do that work anymore.

He sent H a text to his thEn fiancee to H by mistake, saying that he was going to get rich off the back off H with a potential conract, that in the end H didn't get anyway.

I truly am surrounded by nutters. Unless it is me after all.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 26/02/2010 14:25

Well, one thing's for sure - that man is NOT your friend. I certainly wouldn't worry about whatever he said to you. Nor would I ever contact him again (unless contacting him would guarantee his painful death, heh.)

So what's up with your H, then? Apart from the fact that his close friend shafted him, he's suffering for it and you want to be pals with the guy who did it to him ...

saddest · 26/02/2010 15:39

No, I don't care if I never see this man ever again.

My H thinks he is his "best friend"..I don't understand.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 26/02/2010 16:22

Oh, gawd. And this "frenemy" is undermining your marriage? How horrendous. I don't know what you can do ... if you try to turn H against him, you'll be 'controlling'. If you don't, you'll have to sit back and wait - until, we can only hope, the other guy shows his true colours

Is it possible your H is ill? Either mentally (eg depression) or with something insidious like diabetes? From the little you've said, his mojo seems to have gone missing over the last year. Any chance of getting to ask the doc for some tests??

So sorry I can't really help.

saddest · 26/02/2010 18:34

This "friend" would come to our house every so often, get completely pissed, eat curry, well at least that which didn't go all over the floor, go to sleep and then drive 40 or so miles home, at about 4am after beer and lots of whiskey. Never said thank you and was always droning on about how he couldn't get a girlfriend. ( NO shit)

He was in a relationship briefly last year and bought her a very expensive engagement ring after a couple of weeks. She broke up with him shortly afterwards. We only met her once.

As i said, I've known this bloke for a very long time, and done a few conferences with him. He was always the one no one wanted to end up sitting next to at dinner as he was such a self obsessed bore.

Why is H giving him so much credence?

Grace...definitely depression, I have considered diabetes, maybe a mini stroke, possibly even substance abuse. He is paranoid and secretive, and has moved into a b&b down the road. See "left third and last time thread".

OP posts:
SuSylvester · 26/02/2010 18:35

becuase your h is having an affair and work mate didnt want to cover for it

saddest · 26/02/2010 18:36

Yes that has occured to me too.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 26/02/2010 19:06

Ohhh. Sorry, I didn't realise there was another thread.
Time for a solicitor, perhaps?

SuSylvester · 26/02/2010 19:35

its deffo the answer - hence the work thing

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