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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unattractive during pregnancy - coping strategies

3 replies

needmoreenergy · 26/02/2010 13:09

If you feel very unattractive during pregnancy due to size / clumsiness / lack of energy, lack of closeness with hubby / partner, what are the coping strategies?
My hubby has "gone off" intimacy, it was very similar with my first pregnancy if not even worse (if it can get any worse!) this time with number 2. I think I trust the fact that he is not looking elsewhere (although never 100% certain), no evidence of this even if doubts during hormone influenced moments (which I don't suffer from that frequently).
I think he misses closeness as I do but he always initiates so I don't think being pro active is a possibility. He is not much of a talker so I don't really push big conversations like this, we are both very busy looking after baby 1, paying the bills, keeping things going etc.
Closeness did "revive" after baby number 1, and the lack of during my first pregnancy resulted in a very passionate but quick conception of baby number 2, which in some ways was good (we both wanted 2) but in some ways has made me feel "out of bounds" and unattractive for a very long time now (2 pregnancies in close succession) and I know it will go on till after I stop breastfeeding number 2 (ages away).
Other independent strategies such as buying myself some new clothes / new hairdo etc cannot be a regular thing due to lack of cash. Has anyone else found any successful strategies of self esteem etc when faced with a similar type of situation.

OP posts:
Malificence · 26/02/2010 13:23

When you say he's gone off intimacy, do you just mean penetrative sex? It's not the the only route to intimacy and closeness.

Would he really say no to some oral attention / mutual masturbation , sexual massage etc.?

needmoreenergy · 26/02/2010 13:55

Maybe not Malificence I guess I haven't tried it. I suppose we are both busy and it gets pushed to the bottom of the list of priorities. It is just finding the confidence to initiate something I guess. Or accepting the fact that that is the way things are...for the immediate future

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 26/02/2010 14:00

I'm 30 weeks pregnant with no 4 and have never felt so unattractive in my life.

DP goes completely off sex once I have a big bump but TBH I think a lot of men do. We still have cuddles and kisses the odd massage plus I will sometimes treat him but I cannot bear him touching me at all sexually. I am all swollen downstairs and have piles oh and SPD, DP says there is no way we are having sex when I cannot walk or turn over in bed.

I know life with a newborn means there will be little chance for any kind of closeness even after the baby is born but it is not forever.

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