How different was your other half with your second pregnancy?

[pamelat]

I guess I am just looking for reassurance, the opportunity to moan and to feel better by telling myself its just life

We have a 2 year old DD and I am now 29 weeks pregnant with DS

In the main, I am happy. However, am a bit emotionally up and down with this pregnancy and basically not really sleeping.

When I was pregnant with DD, DH was attentive, interested, doting even and I felt like we were in it together.

This time, I feel like its a competition as to who is more tired (me, me, me!), that all of our energy goes to DD and that we resent one another over chore allocation .I feel quite alone in this pregnancy and if I say how tired I am or how my back hurts (both true) DH just says yes him too.

If I say I am feeling over whelmed and scared of how I will look after 2 children (from time to time) he says yes him too, but its me that will be doing most of it in the first year or so.

I want us to get out of this silly competitive way of living, it isn't healthy. I think I need to learn it but am wondering whether pregnant or with a new born is the wrong time and that we should just potter on and its normal, and will all come back one day?

We havent had sex for 2 months as he says he doesnt want to with knowing his son is in there to be honest, I sort of know what he means but as a result I feel unattractive and isolated. We arent intimate at all at the moment, other than sleeping in the same bed.

You need to sit and tell him how this is making you feel.
He may feel that his contribution is being unacknowledged too?
I am also pg with number 2 and we both moan about being knackered, but ususally in a commiseratory way, rather than competitively, iyswim. I am also 'lucky' in that dh wasn't the least interested in my first pg either. He was very intersted in the baby of course, but the pg thing he just ignored really.
You should, of course, be lounging on a lily pad and being worshipped, as should I, (the LEAST we deserve, frankly!)but noone else cares as much the second time. On the other hand you do not have to listen to others harping on about how your life is going to change now you are becoming a parent, which is a blessed relief.
Sex - some guys do go off it, others find pg a turn on. Both are normal. Perhaps if you can have a good chat about things this will improve too?
DO talk about it sooner rather then later. These things fester, and you sound like you are a loving family. And you sound so sad - you don't need to feel isolated if you can talk through things together. Hard to get going, but worth it.

GOod luck.

Hello, just a belated thank you for replying. Its been my DH's birthday and my parents babysat DD last night, we went out with his family. It did us both some good (IMO) to get some time away from the house, chores and DD.

Still no real intimacy but feel a little less sorry for myself thank you.

I can sort of understand not wanting to have penetrative sex with your pg DW - the idea that there's a baby in there, you might hurt it etc are irrational but understandable.

But that doesn't mean you can't have cuddles and kisses and touch each other, which will help you both feel loved

Brahms, I know, I agree thanks

I think we have got out of the 'habit' of being affectionate

Our DD is quite highly strung, as I am sure most 2 years old and I really feel that we have forgotten we are together but that instead we are simply their to meet her demands. And now another one on the way! Crikey.

I can laugh at myself today, some days its not so amusing.