do you ever get over it

[pineapplecube]

To all those out there whose husbands left them and got over it.

Did you feel like you could never be with anyone else, that he was the only one etc Did you constantly compare and did you truely stoploving them.

My dh has gone after 20 years...how can i ever move on from this?

Feel like my life is over and he feels like his is just beginning.

for me it was the other way and i left.....but you do eventually get over it,it becomes less raw

how long since he left?

Oh, I stopped loving mine a long time ago. Unfortunately I haven't stopped hating him.

not even 2 weeks yet

I have been married twice with a long relationship in between. The problem for me was that each time I picked an unsuitable man, or they saw my vulnerability and picked me. Your new life is just beginning too. Make sure you make the best of every day. Do at least one thing that makes you happy every day. Perhaps something you couldn't do as a couple, for example lie in bed all morning, go shopping, have girlfriends over, take long bubble baths, watch your favourite tv programme. Get a new haircut, clothes or diet. I hope that unlike me you don't pick up a further man with problems. Perhaps you can analyse what went wrong and avoid repetition. I wrongly thought that I had. Being alone allows you to look after yourself, no one else does it better. Of course you feel almost bereaved. But all relationships come to an end. If the past 20 years were good, celebrate that and in time you will look forward with enthousiasme. I really really know its difficult, but I scarcely give a thought to the first 2 relationships. I thought I was going to die at the time they ended. Posting helps. Good Luck!!!!!!

Its extremely hard at first and very early days for you. Take one day at a time.

Ex H of 10 years left me 6 years ago

I went a bit mad for a few weeks - out all the time, getting drunk and pulling blokes, probably to prove I could. Wicked hangovers!

I met my new DP quite soon after and realised that ex was obvioulsy never THE ONE as new DP is

As ClaraJo says though - I have never stopped hating him for it - now matter how happy I am now !

Yes, I thought I could never be with someone else, that I could never stop loving him, that no-one would ever want me.

I am now married to a truly wonderful husband, we have 2 lovely children, I have a MUCH better life, so much so that I've even stopped hating my ex (the hate came after I found out how much he'd been lying to me and after he'd raided the joint account and cleared it out).

It CAN and WILL happen. It just feels like shit at the moment. But you CAN get through this.

Pineapplecube - I am so sorry and sympathise totally as I am in the same position.
My husband left me after 26 years together (married for 21) for a woman he works with, in October. I have often said my life is over and he is beginning a new life.
We have 2DCs and they are devastated also, we cannot understand his betrayal and all the lies, he had been seeing her for 3 years. I had absolutely no idea our marriage was very happy, until OW appeared on the scene.
I feel too that I will never get over him, I love him still and he says he loves me but wants to be with OW, which is very confusing.
I am seeing a counsellor and have tried to fill my time, I have joined the gym, started an evening class, try to meet friends as often as I can.
I am feeling better but still have bad days, and you will feel better too. It does take time.
I worry that I will not find anyone else, or that no one will want me, as I am in mid-40's.
Sorry I am not offering words of encouragement but at least you know you are not alone in your grief and people do understand.

It is a grieving process so go easy on yourself

You are saying goodbye to the life you thought that you would have. I felt like I was going in one direction but suddenly I was spun around and ended up pointing in a completely different direction.

You dont say how long ago your h left. It will take a little while to turn your hurt into anger. It took me 14 months but then I saw some pretty explicit texts that pushed a switch inside me.

It is easy for people to say but you will eventually find something else to fill the gap. Find an interest, something to throw yourself into.

Keep posting - it does help

I found an article on the web called "surviving your crises, reviving your dreams".Ittalks about grief, and using the extra energy that grieving creates, to start to redefine yourself, and your circumstances. I'll see if I can find it again, it may come up on google just with that title.

I have found it helpful in these last few eeks.

And here...