inspiring stories please

[rosyred]

of happiness after a split.

has anyone got any stories of post splits. I really want to dump my H now. I think ive had an epiphany and realised I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has treated me badly, besides i feel unable to forgive him anymore. I have posted before about things he has done.
would like to know kow people have fared after leaving partners especially ones that can be abusive. do good men really exist or will I be chasing a fairy tale. or is anyone just happier by themselves without a man. sometimes I dream of being just me and kids, yet when I had that I didn't want it. no pleasing some women is there. I know happiness is our own making, within reason. I have four children and expecting DD so worried about them being adversely affected too. not worried about managing alone though

Well... I don't think I'd call myself exactly happy, at the moment, but reasonably content. I'm still a bit fried in the brain but am over the depression and have a nice comfy house with whichever DCs feel like joining me in it (currently DS2 and 4). I don't currently feel like a new man will enhance my life in any meaningful way, and guess as I'm already the far side of half a hundred it may be too late by the time I do, but the bitterness is... well, it breaks out sometimes, as I'm sure you've noticed, but it doesn't keep me up nights or cause me to sob in corners any more.

XH turned up on the doorstep the other day, wanted to tell me about his house selling plans (he wants to "go on the road", silly old fart). He couldn't resist making a dig about how much too much I had paid for my house. I said it didn't matter; I'd have paid twice as much to get away from him, and indeed would if necessary have preferred a cardboard box under the bridge. Fortunately what I do have is a house that suits me just fine, and that's what they cost at the time I bought it. The best thing is it has a front door which he is not invited through.

I'm sorry, that wasn't very inspiring, was it? But if you'd seen the state I was in while I was still living with him, it's a huge improvement, believe me. I could be mistaken for a functioning human being these days.

yea I know its not going to suddenly get all better overnight. the thing I hate most is the depression he's caused me. i never used to suffer like this and I hate it. can't remember a time when I have felt truly happy and content. was your ex abusive? your never too old for love. my mum was was 47 after divorcing my dad and met a man who was 28 and a lovely guy. i guess its nice just to be content and comfortable and no longer worry about what might go wrong.

Well, I didn't marry my abusive man so not sure I count, but I did have one and it took 4 years to leave. Yes, there was depression and it did take lots of CBT and I still struggle with my mental state sometimes, but it's been 5 years since and I now have the most wonderful DH, who is kind, dependable (sometimes stubbornly so!) and really loves me for me, not someone he can bully me into being. We do have ups and downs -of course!- but he respects me, would never hurt me and I really trust him.
I think you are being incredibly brave and wish you lots of strength and luck. I think the main thing to concentrate on is a life without your DH, rather than a life with somebody else right now, but I think you know that; you said you're not afraid of being alone and I think that's the most important thing right now.
Didn't have kids with my ex but I'm sure they'd be more adversely affected by you staying in an abusive relationship than they would be by having one parent. And the wonderful man could always come along later and provide a positive male role model, of course.
But I digress. To answer main question, good men DO exist. Not perfect men, mind, but good men.
Good luck, you will eventually come out the other side - you have already done the most important thing and made the decision. You will be fine.

Mine was emotionally abusive, yes - never physically, just passive-aggressive, moods and tantrums, suspicions and "misunderstandings". I believed for years that it was because he was depressed and insecure, and of course he could be ever so nice in between. When my bro sent me a link to a list of abusive behaviours it was such an eye-opener! It was all there. There truly must be a school for abusers they all go to.

Relieroo, so pleased to hear of your happy ending