I'm so mad at my brother, need to offload

[tillyfernackerpants]

I'll try & keep this short. My db has a pattern, he'll start seeing someone, get serious etc etc but after 2/3 years he gets bored or whatever & moves onto the next person. He's done it again as I found out today but now he has a ds with his dp. I'm so furious with him.

His dp has asked him to change jobs as we suspect its someone at work, but he won't. He just keeps trying to spin everything round so its her fault . She has said that if he is seeing someone then she will leave & go back home, taking ds with her. He's told her he isn't but told my parents that its a friend. Tbh, he's had lots of 'friends' previously so we don't believe him.

They're meant to be having their ds baptised this weekend and I have a horrible feeling its all going to kick off. I want to say something to him, give him a kick up the arse but I doubt he'll see sense

I just don't know waht to do or say

I'm afraid there's nothing you can do or say to make this idiot see sense. I suggest you divert your energies towards supporting his DP and DS.

I would keep out of it. Easier said than done I'm sure! At most maybe say to your DB that does he realise that if he has got an OW it is way more serious than in the past because there is now a child, his DS involved. Hope it doesn't kick off at the baptism....

Was the DC planned? Did/does your brother want to be a parent in the first place? I just wonder if people are trying to force him to 'settle down' when he'd rather not.

you can't do anything

agree that you should devote your energies to your SIL and your nephew

whatever you say, will fall on deaf ears

hopefully he will behave well towards his son

thanks for the replies.

I know you're right, I should just stay out of it. I just feel for his dp, her family are in another country and she's on her own all day. My parents are upset that they may not see one of their gc again so its hard but I will try!

Sgb, I suspect you're right, that he doesn't really want to settle down. But then two of his previous gf had children so I don't know if he really wants a family or just thinks that he's supposed to want want iyswim.

My mum told me what was happening so we could decide not to go but I feel I have to be there, just in case.

Sorry to resurrect this but things have moved on since I last posted.

My brother's dp is now moving home & taking their ds . I just feel so mad with him, he really seems to have turned into a b***d. He says he's gutted they're leaving, he doesn't want ds to go but then stays out all night & doesn't get in touch until late afternoon. One minute he's nice as pie & then the next saying awful things to her, I just don't know what's going on in his head.

My parents are upset that they're not going to see one of their grandchildren but can understand why she's going. I'm upset because my ds's are not going to know their cousin. He's only a couple of months younger than ds2 as well so they probably would've grown up together & been quite good friends.

I don't really know what I'm hoping for by posting this tbh, I just need to offload it. My mum's talking to me about it all because she needs to, dh tries to listen & help when I tell him but isn't all that interested so there isn't really anyone else I can talk to.

Try and keep contact with the mum and your DS cousin. It's much easier these days than in the past.

What a mess. Will his dp keep in touch with you via the internet etc, there are ways of supporting her and being a family to your nephew in spite of your brothers behaviour.

She has said she wants to keep in touch, she wants ds to know us etc. They will be in a different country though, but hopefully she will have email etc.

I was thinking of writing her a letter, just to give her my contact details & to say she's more than welcome to visit us.

Just make sure she knows you don't want to lose touch, and keep at it. Good idea to invite her over to yours.

Sounds like you both can make this work!

Stupid silly twattish brother - you wonder what it will take to make them change sometimes don't you. If this doesn't - what will. If I were you I'd be warning any new girlfriends what an idiot he is.

I hope you and your SIL do keep in touch - SKYPE is great when kids are involved.

Do you live in the UK? Where is she going?

Chippingin, you're right. I just think he's going to end up a lonely old man

I'm in London, she's moving back to Poland. I think she's staying with my parents until she goes in a few weeks so will try & get up there for a visit.

Thanks for all the help.

Oh, it's a shame it's not France, Spain etc with really cheap flights, but at least it's not Australia or somewhere like that!

I'm really pleased for her that your family are all looking after her & showing her that you are not all like him and that she will always be part of your family - that's nice

I feel really sorry for you and for your Mum & Dad. I can't imagine my N&N being taken away like that.

Don't forget to get Skype sorted out