Has my mother got my neice in trouble with Social Services?

[BettySwollux]

My DN has DD 22mo and DS a few weeks old (cant remember exactly ).

Her DS has very bad reflux from 3 days old, she's been to doctors loads and couple of hospitals with him and nothing seems to be working, the poor lad screams for hours.

My mother is a very pushy and obnoxious controlling woman and has taken it upon herself to arrange a private consultation (which is great).
The thing is, when the receptionist couldnt give her an answer to when the appointment might be, My mother said she was worried about my neice not coping and was scared she would end up putting a pillow over DS face!!!!

DN is coping very well and has a very good support network, and we all know (including my mam) that she would never get that close to snapping without asking for help.

My mam says she said it to make them get back to her quickly (which they havent) but I worry that this may get passed on to SS.

I dont know how SS works. Will this be flagged somewhere or passed on?

The last thing she needs is extra stress and worry.

Even if it does get passed on,your mum will just need to explain why she said that and your niece will show what good support she has and it will end there.

But your mum should be ashamed of lying like that to try and get an earlier appt. If I was your niece, already coping with a poorly baby, I would be very pissed off with her.

oh crikey

I can see she thought she was helping, but it was kind of out there thing to say. I am almost sure the receptionist would not pass the info on to SS...in my experience they pass very little information on to anyone tbh and it didn't get you a quicker appt.

Yes, it could well be flagged and passed on to SS.

What a stooopid thing to have done! Because the thing is, if it is passed on, your DM retracting it will not be good enough. They onus is on SS to investigate regardless.

your mam is a very silly woman

but I doubt that SS will take it seriously, given an explanation, tbh

well if social services want to investigate she can use the social worker to help push for proper diagnosis and treatment - even arrange a night nurse to sit with him 3 nights a week etc etc. so if she has nothing to hide she can use any sw visit to her advantage

Phew . That is a relief.
My mother went a bit mental with me when I told her she shouldnt have said that. Apparently I always know better than her and 'put her down' .

She did the same thing when my nephew fell 80ft from a building site and was badly hurt.
Threatened she would do something they would regret if they didnt pump him with more morphine! (He was already on a shit load of the stuff)

She never gets the required result from her treats and huffs, so dunno wht she keeps doing it really.

Blimey cestlavielife

SW's here couldn't access that kind of help. Whereabouts are you?

Bugger, slow connection tonight.

cestlavielife - really? Im sure that would be a huge help to DN. Do you have to be involved with SS to get that kind of help or could HV do something?

Oh, and that shoud be threats and huffs not treats lol.

Has DN asked HV for help. There may be Homestart in her area which could help.

Could be worth looking into things like cranial osteopathy or baby massage..

Yeah, she has HV who she says is pretty good, she is involved with support group and she reseaches reflux and colic on internet when she has a spare moment - which isnt very often.
So far her DS has has Gaviscon, rantantedine (sp) and Zantac, but no improvment.

She sounds like she's doing really well. It must be so hard for her. Hope they get to the bottom of it.

What a stupid thing for your mmother to say ( sorrry)
The receptionist may well report it, if she does i hope your mother is prepared to tell the Social worker that she made it up.

I hope your DN gets this sorted, sounds awful for her.

depends on the diagnosis - but if it is recognized that he has a medical condition causing the reflux - which is under investigation - then if you shout lound enough yes SW can access all kind of help...or via hv too.

is about being specific - "my baby cries ALL DAY and ALL night - i need a break; i need someone else to sit with him for a few hours" (is dad around, can he help? is he breast or bottle fed? he could be allergic to milk - some babies allergic even to mum's milk)

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1086810/I-poisoned-baby-breastfeeding--doctors-said-I-neurotic.ht ml

anythingmaternity.com/2010/01/07/can-a-baby-be-allergic-to-breastmilk/

parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nbreastfeed/0,,40wt,00.html

is he feeding well?
putting on weight?
what other symptoms?

severe reflux can be isolated or can be sign of very rare conditions eg metabolic where proteins cannot be broken down. it is very important this is diagnosed if is the case.

i would tell your niece to take him to local big childrens hosp and not leave til they give him the right medication and find out what is going on. ie if really is something that is not just normal baby colic. how was his birth? any other symptoms?

Yes, SS can in fact prove to be very supportive. They can access (funded) childcare via HV which wouldn't otherwise be available, amongst other things.

I was irked at the daftness of making such a sensational statement as a threat, sorry.

I hope the poor baby gets sorted out but your mum sounds an absolute control freak who needs to take a step back.

I would be livid if someone took it upon themselves to arrange such an appointment.

the other point is that if NHS have done a series of tests already and have prescribed Gaviscon, rantantedine (sp) and Zantac, but no improvment - then the chances of private consult finding something is not necessarily that high - they would repeat same tests that have been done already.

tho might be more quick to run metabolic tests etc.(some of which might be more expesnive to do tehrefore NHS might not immediately do them) just depends on what has already been done under NHS.

if have acess to big childrens hosp then she should push for that.

the key here is that she keeps going back with screaming baby and insisting something is not right. and asking for allergy/metabolic tests and so on. it might be quicker to get these done privately - but not necessarily. depends who sees the baby and what their experience and knowledge is.

are there other symptoms, is baby putting on weight? normal tone or?

Thanks for all advice and links.

I am also very annoyed with my mother, FGS SS has more to do than check out stoopid and untrue allegations.

baby is putting on enough weight for doctors not to worry and has started to sleep a bit longer at night, so at least DN is getting a bit more rest even if he does still scream most of the day.

She spent 4 days in hospital with him last week, where it was concluded that the meds werent doing him any good so they were stopped, poor little bugger!

DN has started a restricted diet in case its her breastmilk, and is expecting a call from a chiropracter.