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Original poster

what did he mean by that?

22 replies

BaggyAgy · 24/02/2010 09:44

I am staying in our holiday home(doing it up) as we don't get along at the moment. My husband visits weekends. I made him a loaf of bread in our breadmachine to take back to our main home. He had guests staying that week as we live in a very convenient area. He is a busy professional not normally prone to trivia. He e-mailed me almost urgently, to say that the female guest was regailing everyone at her work, with the fact that she had found the blade of the breadmaker in the loaf. She is my friend and I found it hard to believe either she or her colleagues would be that trivial. I feel hurt by this but cant' think why. What is he up to and how should I respond if at all. Its his birthday next weekend.

OP posts:
Alambil · 24/02/2010 09:46

"bugger it, you weren't meant to find it...."

"oh bollocks, and here I was on the phone to the insurance co"

or something equally as sarcastic?

why do you need to say anything? clearly it wasn't planned (was it?!) - they're probably just messin around

Niftyblue · 24/02/2010 09:49

Tell him to make it himself next time
Take no notice
Or you could phone her and ask was it true

cestlavielife · 24/02/2010 10:08

are you actually missing the blade of the breadmaker? so is it potentially true? even if it is, so what? can happen to anyone...

why did you make him bread anyway?

is this normally one of your roles?
cant he buy his own bread?

and what has his birthday got to do with it?

do you get along when he visits on the weekend?

are you having a proper trial separation or what?

PotPourri · 24/02/2010 10:15

Not really sure what is going on - it's all a bit confusing - may be not enough background information - are you seperated, what are the issues, why are you making him bread? and what does his birthday have to do with anything? Do you have any kids, and where are they? Were they there when the hilarious incident happened?

I'm not sure what you are upset about either, yes she is a cheeky cow if she was slagging you offf. But on the other hand, it's really not a big deal. Are you subconciously worried that there is something going on with him and this woman or something?

redflagornot · 24/02/2010 10:21

Is this serious?

Conundrumish · 24/02/2010 10:24

A breadmaker blade is hardly swallowable or dangerous - it would be like swallowing a cup or something!

havoc · 24/02/2010 10:31

Well, if he doesn't appreciate your bread, I wouldn't make him a birthday cake if I were you!

DuelingFanjo · 24/02/2010 10:41

she found the blade, she told people. He told you. No biggie.

Have you got it back yet?

Let him make his own bread in future.

Anniegetyourgun · 24/02/2010 10:41

Were I to hear that a guest had found an extraneous item in my cooking, given that she is a friend, I'd want to contact her straight away to apologise. If she were then to say "Blade? what are you talking about?" I would know the H was being strange. In that scenario, the game is known as gaslighting.

Ladyscratt · 24/02/2010 10:53

It was clearly an accident wasn't it??

Just clear up the confusion and tell said friend to keep her nose out of it.

Anyone with half a brain would assume that this was an acident first of all, unless you are raving loon who actualy might attempt to murder your husband. However I am guessing that this clearly not the case.

I would just tell him the breadmaker had a breakdown (quite literally)

Fluffyone · 24/02/2010 11:54

Well, it's not like she was going to eat the blade was it? Surely they spotted it when they cut the bread, it's big enough.
As she's a friend just email her and say "sorry about the blade in the bread, could I have it back please?".

nickelbabe · 24/02/2010 11:58

maybe she was teasing your H, as if she thought he made the bread.

you do need to ask for the blade back though, how else will you be able to make any more bread?

don't worry about it, i think it sounds like he's trying to make a big deal out of it to make you feel bad: if the woman was worried, she wouldn't have been regaling the story, she would have been truly horrified.

(or you could ring her and tell her it was meant for H, not her...)

kittyonthebeam · 24/02/2010 12:10

Call her and ask for the blade back, IF you are missing it. Would blame it on old equipment and not let it get to you. Don't make any more comments as some people are just too daft for sarcasm.

BigBadMummy · 24/02/2010 12:14

This happened to us.

To say thank you to some friends for delivering something to us we gave them a loaf of home made bread and a jar of home made jam to take back to France (they stopped in on way to ferry).

We got an email when they arrived to thank us and ask us what to do with the blade in the middle.

We just laughed and said "well at least it proves we made it".

They replied "well at least you know we ate it and didn't chuck it in the Channel".

You are feeling sensitive about lots of other stuff I suspect and have taken this to heart.

It is not a dig, it is passing comment and doesn't need to be over-analysed.

BalloonSlayer · 24/02/2010 12:47

I would regale all and sundry too, because I'd think it was funny - like being in prison and being sent a cake with a file in it.

My joke would have been something like "BaggyAgy must have thought her DH would be driving us to homicide because she baked us a loaf of bread with a blade in it."

Original poster
BaggyAgy · 24/02/2010 12:51

Thanks for replies. I very much doubt that the female friend said anything nasty about me. The "blade" is ofcourse not sharp, it is more like a paddle that stirs the dough. It could never harm anyone as it is big, and noticeable on cutting the bread I suppose.

I fear my husband was putting me down by pointing out that I made a mistake. Sometimes I feel he enjoys correcting me. Do you agree? It is most unlike him to bother about something so inconsequential. The friend would never really slag me off, I fear he invented that. Am I being oversensitive? She is there with her husband and not interested in mine. He may well have said that he made the bread.

OP posts:
GrendelsMum · 24/02/2010 13:31

Well, he might have been putting you down, or he might not. We can't really tell at second hand.

But I think that Balloon Slayer might be spot on about your friend - I can just imagine me or a colleague making a joke like that.

Original poster
BaggyAgy · 25/02/2010 12:30

BalloonSlayer Last night when he contacted me by Skype (how do I turn the washing machine on for our guests) I used your joke about me also making cakes with files in. I simply refused to be put down, and made it into a huge joke. The couple staying with him were highly amused and not at all upset. Not what he expected at all. Thank you. I think now he will bring the blade/paddle back. I am about to make him a birthday cake, hopefully with no surprises.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 25/02/2010 12:53

Hello, BA

I'm really pleased to hear you've decided to move into the 2nd home - even though you're there to work! I understand why the bread thing bothered you. Glad you made a joke out of it; that is of course the only correct response (unless you're a professional baker and had sold the loaf. Which isn't the case.)

It was sweet of you to make the bread, as a gesture towards the guests. As a gesture to him, though, it's a waste of time as I think you know, deep down. I wouldn't bother baking him a birthday cake ... but I used to be "you" so I know you will. (Sigh.) My ex didn't know how to work the washing machine, either! At least you're making him learn; good for you

He's not going to change, you know. XH did exactly the same to the woman I left him to. He dumped her when she refused to wait on him. He married another woman as docile as me; somebody told me she divorced him, too.

If you haven't got it yet, please read Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?"
Good luck with the renovations (hope it takes you a good long time ) Take care of yourself.

cestlavielife · 25/02/2010 14:11

please dont tell him how to turn on the washing machine - he is a big boy and can work it out. or his guests can.

any queries like that -ignore.

i still dont understand why you making him a cake - tell him to buy one!
(unless you are putting files - or is it flies - in it)

Original poster
BaggyAgy · 25/02/2010 14:28

Hi , I am going to make sure the renovations last for ever. By saying nothing about separation etc., I have avoided nasty scenes which I just couldn't face. We can see where we go from here slowly and we have time to adapt to the change in our lifestyles. I really don't think I could stand him 24/7. I have now read too much and understand what he is up to. He has lied and deceived. Now it is my turn to keep secrets. I haven't told him what I plan, and he doesn't know about this site which has helped me so much. Thank you all.

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 25/02/2010 15:38

Well done you, BA. Love the everlasting renovations!

With any luck, he'll start 'forgetting' to come down over the weekends

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