not sure how I feel about my marriage...sex...

[steph007]

Not sure if I really should be posting this but here goes.....
I really really love my husband, but just don't think I fancy him any more. It's probably been 3 months since we last had sex, and maybe did it about once every couple of months on average since having our second child nearly 3 years ago. But weren't doing it that much before that, from the time we had our first!
Think it all stems from the fact we had to 'try' for 2 years before we got pregnant, and now I feel like I couldn't care less if we never had sex again. My younger daughter may have autism, we have just found out, and with all that on my mind, plus the daily grind of everyday life, I have no idea how I would ever feel in the mood again. I have suggested us trying to go away for a weekend on our own but he's not that keen.
I feel terrible for not 'entertaining' him, but just don't have the energy or motivation

I'm not very good at talking to him generally anyway, but don't think this is something I can really say outright - I have tried to explain though

think you need to see someone either together or alone - maybe go to doctor as well.

stop thinking in terms of entertaining him and think about what you are missing out on.

sex is great and fun - and you are missing out

I sympathise OP - I pretty much feel the same. Part of my issue as well is that the sex is not that great and not that much fun, despite what Custy says. Difficult to do anything about it, although I have tried - DH has his own ishoos though and I can't say too much or it puts him off his stroke.

Yes, agree that you should talk to someone. Maybe on your own first, until you get your head straight on it. You've got some very understandable pressures on you, and I am sure they are contributing to you not wanting have sex. Can you afford some counselling? I think it would help.

It sounds pretty normal for the early years of child rearing tbh, coupled with the fact that sex was for getting pregnant for two years, it's really not surprising that you feel this way.
Custardo is right, sex should be great fun and also something that bonds the two of you in a very special way - you had to make the time when you were trying to get pregnant, so maybe set aside one night a week or so for some intimate time - you can connect as a couple again. It shouldn't be a chore for you, it's for your benefit as well as your husband.

It's only natural that you fall into the role of parent first, lover second, but it can take it's toll on relationships.

It's so wrong to think of sex as "entertainment" only for your husband, it should be just as necessary for your well being, regular sex is mood enhancing and good for your physical health too.
So many people think of sex as just intercourse but there's so much more to being sexual with each other getting into a sexy and sensual frame of mind. You both need to spend some time pampering each other, massages/back rubs/whatever you like.

It will take time and a bit of effort, but it's honestly worth it to have a closer and happier marriage.

I could have written your post OP. Except it has been way longer than 3 months for me.

I have asked my doctor to refer me for pyscho sexual councelling as I know I have issues in that area. Also my doctor told me that the less you have it, the less you want it (for women).

IKWYM though. I love my DH and don't want to be without him but I'm just not sure that I fancy him anymore and I don't really know what to do about it.