Its me being mad!

[pooheylouie]

I think I may be going mad. I have a very loving DH and two DC (3 and 1).I am very happy being mum but have fallen out of love with my DH.
He on the other hand is very much in love with me, but it?s too the point that last week he followed me to the bathroom when I went. He goes through my pockets, drawer?s wardrobe and phone. Says he trusts me when I asked but wants to be close to me?? This Christmas was the worst ever. My Nan who was more like a mother passed away and I was feeling very low. Yet all we did was argue. He says I have changed which I know I have I am getting my confidence back after PND and have gone back part time to my job which I love.
3 Weeks ago I asked him to move out for a week so I could Clear my head. He did but was round every night wanting to talk. I offered to leave for awhile so he could see the kids each night but he said he did not miss them just me?!? He is back now and I feel so bogged down. Every night we have 'discussions' about our relationship, but I feel worse. I know I don?t love him and I can?t even kiss him. MIL and DH blame it on depression but when he is not around I am so happy. The worst two points were when he found out I had smoked over Christmas and phoned me at work telling me to come home as he was leaving. Then for valentines he told me not to buy him a card however I got two a husband one and a normal one. As I was not sure which I should give him due to state of feelings He found both in my desk and again phoned me at work to 'discuss?. I know he loves me very much and I am afraid what he will do if I tell him it?s over. Please any advice?

Oh Lord - he is suffocating you! Why did you let him back? This isn't about love, its about his need to control and posses you because of his low self esteem.

I'm not sure about what you should do but if you are at all scared of what he might do iif you end it perhaps you should phone Women's Aid?

he doesn't love you

he wants to possess you and control you

that is not love, dressing it up as such is a mistake

if you love someone, you want them to be happy

he sees you are unhappy, but then cranks up the creepy, possessive behaviour even more

has he always been like this ?

He does not love you at all; you are there merely as his possession. He wants to keep you in a cage of his own making.

Such men do not change; often their behaviour escalates. I wonder too why you decided to let him back into your life; you will get nothing at all from this relationship except abuse.

Controlling behaviours like he exhibits are abusive behaviours. Your children will also learn from his behaviour as well as yours; you do not want to teach them such damaging lessons. You cannot even begin to stay in such a damaging relationship longterm; this is broken and going nowhere.

Do contact Womens Aid and also read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft.

Thanks. AF now thinking he has always been like this just maybe not so intense. Over the last few months he has not wanted me to have contact with my family although I would never let that happen. I asked him last night why he has to follow me and go through my things. He replied ?to be closer to you? I guess kind of know from that things were a little wrong! Oh hell what happens now? How do I get him to leave everyone thinks he is such a great person including me to a certain point! we live in a very small town and he has told me he will make it very nasty should we ever split up. I don?t think he would harm me or the kids but I think he would harm himself as he has said this in the past. Oh bloody hell. Sorry to moan just after reading some other posts I knew I would get some good advice.

I am sorry, but he sounds mentally ill

Did you used to once like the possessiveness ? Thought it meant it proved how much he loves you ? Now it is suffocating you...

because it sounds like you have subsequently grown up and he hasn't

he sounds potentially dangerous

be very, very careful how you handle this

please ring Womens Aid and get their advice

you need some agency support in RL, or at the very least the close and present support of your family

he is going to turn nasty, possibly physically, certainly mentally/emotionally when he sees his control of you slipping away

horrible alarm bells are ringing here (I am thinking national newspaper headlines...sorry )

I don´t think he loves you.
He certainly doesn´t respect you.

The bit where he said he didnt miss his children,just you,op has given me chills tbh.
He sounds unstable and I would echo previous advice about Women's Aid.

yes, DI, very chilling

I wouldn' like to speculate on what he might be capable of, tbh

*wouldn't

how can you think he loves you if he says he will make things nasty for you if you leave him? where is the love in that?

I am afraid to advise you for fear of what might happen..

You need proper real life help. There is something the matter with him.

The kids thing made me shiver, too.
Also, OP, this:
"he has told me he will make it very nasty should we ever split up ... I think he would harm himself "

These are threats. I agree with the wise women above - he seems to be zooming through levels of control at an alarming rate. I'm actually quite scared for you. I think you need an exit plan, not a relationship discussion. Play dead while you figure it out.

Blimey.....not another one.

Are you accessing Mumsnet from home? Please make sure you always lock your device.

saddest, I sometimes feel like that too! Need to remember people don't post to relationship forums with "I'm really happy, what should I do?"

this woman should be signposted to proper agency help in RL

I don't think we should post any more

OP, as a start, speak to these people here

good luck

Thank you,everyone. I have been on the link and will call for advice. x

Well done for that pooheylouie.
Take care.

take care x