skype contact list

[BaggyAgy]

Being suspicious of my flirtatious husband, I foolishly looked at the 29 names in his blocked list of Skype contacts. You can imagine that they were mostly sexy girls names. Wondering if he had contacted them I attempted to contact them to ask. It wasn't possible, but I now have 2 very racy names on my contact list (with question marks in front of them). I would be deeply embarassed if asked to explain. How do I erase them from my contact list? I am not very computer literate, and feel very stupid.
Help please.

You can just highlight them & delete.
.... we told you so! :p

Thank you ItsGraceAgain, how do I highlight.

Open Skype. The Contacts window should be on the left. If it isn't, click on View -> Contacts at the top menu. Click on the name you want to remove, then press your delete key. Skype asks you if you want to remove it.

It doesn't really matter if you leave the names in your Contacts, though. They're just spam, everybody gets them sometimes.

people can contact you on skype without your consent. I have several 'racy' names on my blocked contact list and a I am a 42 year old married mother...I wouldn't be suspicious of him. At least he's blocked them! The question mark in front of the contact is when someone asks to be 'allowed' to be a contact. If you do not answer, or decline, or block them, there is a question mark.

Don't worry about it. There are people out there who have programmes to scour skype etc. looking for the right 'profiles' to target with their marketing for whatever racy things they are trying to sell.

Thanks for your help. I have also noticed that my Husband gets spam e-mails for Viagra etc. I never get anything like that, fortunately. Does this mean that he is looking at dodgey sites?

I wouldn't have thought so, no. But it sounds like you have trust issues and need to work on them. Why are you looking at his email, would he be okay knowing you are looking through his email and skype contacts? It sounds quite stifling and insecure behaviour.

The blocking Skype thing... your husband may have chatted on Skype with women (before he met you?) but no longer does so? Blocking someone is generally something you want to do when you wish to go online without being seen by that specific person.
I think you need to have a chat with him and work out what's going on either way.

I get tonnes of viagra and penis extension e-mails. I have NO IDEA why (am not a hairy trucker, am a late 30's mother of 2).

This morning I deleted 147 emails, which arrived in the last 2 days. Their subject lines were mostly: "Do you want a bigger penis?" (no, thanks, I'm a woman) or "Make Her Moan Tonight" (who? my cat?)

I have never subscribed to a porn site.

What are you hoping to gain from all this, my love? You're snooping round his messages, without even knowing what you're doing ... Do you find the internet scary, or computers? Some people do. Or does he spend hours online at night, when he should be with you?
I'm puzzled.

You sound utterly paranoid. Has he ever done anything to deserve this?

Sadly yes. I read e-mails which were very flirtatious. He set up a secret email address for one of the women with whom he flirts. They had pet names for eachother. I caught him sending her photos of himself taken by me, whilst we were on holiday. He quickly deleted everything on that e mail address. He e-mails various single needy women. He swears there is no sex. However he does not deny that he has used his sexuality outside marriage. He may ;be the male equivalent of a "prick teaser". He lied about the e mailed photographs. They were decent photos, but why was he sending her photos of himself. He promised he would stop. That was 6 months ago. I fear his resolve will weaken. I have recently seen one e mail arranging a meeting with one of the women who is a work colleague. They really used to flirt outrageously. She even touched him up in front of me at a party. He made excuses. He even lent her his red sports car, secretly of course. I just want to me sure his behaviour is not slipping back. I wonder if he has a compulsion to flirt. HE said he did it because he wants to be popular. He has no male friends, and targets needy single women.

Oh dear, BA, that sounds AWFUL! I wouldn't bother trying to check up him, he's out of control isn't he??!

That business at the party, and his car, is just totally disrespectful towards you. The kindest thing I can think of to say is that it sounds like a sex addict (therefore has an 'illness') ... but, frankly, he just sounds like a twunt.

What are the very good reasons why you're still with such a dickead?

By the way, he sounds exactly like my XH#1. He used to call me "Baggy Aggie"

BA...how many different threads have you started now about this untrustworthy man ?

you don't have to find incontrovertible evidence of infidelity you know

the way he makes you feel insecure and unloved is enough for you to take steps to get him out of your life

no-one should have to live this half-life of mistrust and insecurity

how many hours a day do you spend obsessing about his potential to fuck you around ?

wouldn't you be better to cut loose?

painful at first, but then ooooooooh the feeling of freedom

What AnyFucker said.

I stayed with mine for much too long. People like this manage to twist things round, don't they? You end up feeling like if you haven't got "proof", then you're in the wrong and should just shut up & put up.

The truth is, you're in the relationship as much as him. If being in it makes you nervous, anxious & worried ... it isn't good for you, so you have every right to end it.

yup

It is true that you can be added by any number of randomers. I have had friend requests on facebook from some very, ahem, 'professional-looking' laydeez. It's not proof of anything.

But his other behaviour isn't good, as others have said.

Thank you, I find your views very helpful. My husband makes me feel as if I am always over-reacting and he minimises or denies the importance of his behaviour. I do fear that he has an addiction to flirting or some sort of sex addiction. I do so welcome your views. How do I print out this thread on my mac?

I do spend a lot of time obsessing and checking up on him. I hate the way his behaviour makes me feel. Is there anything useful online about such behaviour? It is good to know what others think and that they have been through it and survived.

You might be interested in this: "In many instances, betrayal through infidelity can be very close to what we term domestic violence. Unfaithful parties are often insensitive to the pain they inflict, as are perpetrators of physical and psychological violence. Often the faithful party is as vulnerable and dependent as the victim of repeated bashing. Furthermore, the behaviour patterns of ongoing infidelity often parallel the well-documented stages in the cycle of domestic abuse."
From www.network54.com/Realm/HealingHeart/batinfid.html

Here is the classic "Loser" article:
counsellingresource.com/quizzes/loser/index.html

Come back & tell us what you think!

Assuming your Mac is connected to a printer (which is turned on), try clicking the printer icon which should be at the top or the side of your screen. Or press the apple key and P at the same time.

Thanks ItsGraceAgain, I have now read both. I was shocked by the comparison between infidelity and domestic abuse. My Mother was very physically abusive both to her children and her husbands. My first husband was physically abusive. I left him after only a few months. He was also unfaithful. My subsequent relationship ended due to infidelity and alcoholism. It had lasted 17 miserable years. I had hoped my current marriage would be my best relationship. In a way it has been. No possessiveness no physical abuse. I am just hopeless at relationships it seems. If I end this one I will probably stay alone. I am now spending more and more time "doing up" our holiday home. We are edging apart. I am still obsessed with his behaviour, but dread the day when we will live together 24/7. Maybe it will never happen. It is not the cause of his behaviour, it is the result.

I do believe that my husband feels little or no empathy. He loves the attention and adoration he gets from those with whom he flirts. He does drop them easily, but picks them up again after a while. You seem to know so much about this subject. Have you had this experience?

Thanks for your reply, BA - and for your beautiful posts on reallysorry's thread. You seem such a thoughtful, gentle character - what a crying shame you've got landed with such selfish partners. You deserve to be respected & valued for your qualities, you know.

If you think back to how you felt in your previous (more overtly abusive) relationships, you're bound to see the wisdom of the article above. Those who bully us, manipulate us and deny our basic rights have the same effect (loss of confidence, fear, insecurity, self-doubt, anger, etc, etc) - whatever methods they choose. Also, many abusers will move from one method to another if the first stops working.

I don't believe you are "hopeless at relationships". I think what happens is that those of us who grew up with poor models of adult love, and who were abused as children, develop an acceptance of abuse. This is what abusive partners see within us, and why they work to get us. We can't be blamed for this: it's just the hand we were dealt. Over time, we learn how to respect and love ourselves - and to raise our expectations.

Like you, I "progressed" from physically violent relationships to others, which were emotionally, psychologically & financially abusive. I learned pretty late in life that my parents' relationship style wasn't the only possibility. So I stopped choosing violent men. It took me almost as long again, to realise I was still being abused although I wan't being thumped any more. As a result I decided to stay single for as long as it takes to fix my expectations!

The most powerful lesson for me - which I have only just learned - is that I am NOT mad, crazy, lazy, possessive, insecure, stupid or especially annoying. I became all those things as a result of the way I was being treated. My partners provoked in me the very qualities they then went on to 'punish'. Bastards.

It is possible to get rid of the 'bad' emotional lessons, which our lives have taught us. It's not the only way to live - and "the right to be treated with respect" is enshrined in law. I do know how difficult it is to recognise what's happening to you - and how daunting the thought of changing can be. But we deserve better, you and I. And we deserve to be our best selves ... which is impossible in the company of an emotional game-player!

I'm delighted to hear about your holiday home; it could be the saving of you

Thanks Amazing Grace - I am on the verge of tears. I am not used to praise. I am so used to suppressing my feelings that I haven't cried for years and years and this feels a bit like letting go and starting to heal.

I had not seen his behaviour in the light I now see it. He will no doubt call me ungrateful for all the material things we have. They really don't matter. He would rather blame me than accept responsibility. I am afraid that my relationship history has ruined my health. I will get over it. I am determined to enjoy my own life. I have started to have friends whom he has never met (and therefore never flirted with). I see an end to this abuse. You have helped.

I looked at my husband’s blocked Skype account as he wanted me to block someone and there were about fifteen women he has blocked. When I asked him about them he said he had no idea and he certainly hadn’t blocked them.

I looked on line and could find any mention of Skype auto blocking so sadly is he just lying.