Need some advice please

[Ladyscratt]

My mum has my DD usually every other Sunday for a few hours, they get to see her and I get a bit of me time.

She is coming up 6 and is unable to hold her oppinions back on things. My mother is disabled and unable to look after the house so it is a bit grubby and smelly.

Step father brings DD back today and said that DD had been naughty, she told my mother that the house was stinking and was more stinking than her house. I rang my mother after SFather had gone and my mother said that DD had upset her with the comment as she tries her best to keep the place clean.

I am annoyed because DD is only 6. Yet I know she shouldn't have said these things, my mother is also obese and DD has told her what a fat belly she has on occasions which has usually been overlooked. I have tried to explain to DD about being rude and not saying rude things, but now I am scared to let go anywhere with anyone for fear of her upsetting people. My mother should have been a bit more dismissive shouldn't she??

Maybe instead of saying to your DD that she was rude, let her know that her comments hurt grans feelings.

I think at 6 she should be able to learn to hold back comments and understand that words can hurt.

Your mum is probably very aware and sensitive to the mess and smell and may feel at a loss as how she can cope. Could you and DD offer to help your mum out with the chores she can't manage? Explain to your dd that your mum does the best she can given her ill health.

I don't think your mum should have been a bit more dismissive if she has been igonring the fat belly comments. It may have got too much to ignore.

I agree - just talk to your DD. She's old enough to understand that words can hurt, and to have some concept of tact.

Is there any way your Mum can get any additional help? Worth giving SS or Age Concern a call?

sounds like your mother could definitely do with a little bit of help; could you or another member of the family do a big clean once a month for her perhaps? this would give her more confidence and make her time with your daughter happier and less fraught. this is what we did with my father, he was suffering from a severe disability and unable to do any housework at all. and yes, it sounds like your daughter is ready to learn a bit more about hurt feelings and the impact of words on people.

I would get your dd involved in helping to clean the house and then she may see how your Mum is unable to do these things herself. I also agree that your dd needs to understand that these are hurtful things to say.