how soon should a dad introduce his kids to his girlfriend?

[polka99]

I've been dating a lovely guy for five months now. He talks constantly about his two kids' lives in minute detail, but has not yet introduced me to them. What's the general perception on when to introduce a potential stepmopther to young kids (aged 5 & 7). What should I expect the first meeting to be like?

I wouldn't want to introduce anyone to my kids until I was pretty certain that it was reasonably long term.
Definitely at least 6 months, and probably more.

And I would probably make the first meeting pretty low key and short - chance meeting while out, pop round for a quick coffee or to drop something off.
After that something like joining in on regular family outings that they have.

Yes, I would introduce them when I was sure it was going to be a long-term thing, at least 6 months. It's not great for kids to have people going in and out of their lives for 'no reason' (to them). I'm sure he will soon.

i wouldn't put a time frame on something like this because its like others have said, its more about being certain that this person is going to be around for a while, not to confuse the kids

I would trust him entirely with the decision and not have any expectations at all. And definately a first meeting to be very low key, on neutral territory and short - a trip to McDonalds or similar.

tbh i think that at this stage you should have met them esp.if he seems serious about your relationship
but not knowing the man's previous relationship history it's really hard to comment as such
i'm just wondering whether they've met and become attached to previous gf's only for it not to have worked out and then it has left the kids feeling upset?
have you been introduced to other family members/close friends?

Have advised a male bf not to introduce his gf until he was certain it was definitely going somewhere simply because it is unkind to put the children through it if they were to split up - which they have subsequently done. Depends on where you are in your relationship: are you talking about a future together?

I do think people can get a bit precious about this kind of thing - my kids meet all sorts of people who come in and out of their lives - friends who live a long journey away, family who live abroad, people I work with for a while. Whilst you wouldn't want a long succession of 'aunties' or 'uncles' that changed every week, I think kids are pretty resiliant (and if they're older don't much care!)

I think the key is how the parents get on - if there's conflict a new person is much more of a 'threat' type figure. This bloke, for example, may be well aware that his ex would go mental about the kids being introduced to a new woman, and you need to be very sure you want to get involved in baggage like that!

Thanks for all your replies. There's no question this guy a terrific Dad and a wonderful boyfriend (flowers, dinners, drives miles to see me even when stressed etc). I guess what prompted me posting the message (and joining the site) is that there's a chance I may be pregnant. My bf made strong noises about us having a baby, but I guess in my mind I just thought meeting his kids first would be the 'right way round', so never gave a firm answer - e.g they may decide they hate me, which would make things difficult. . . . Yes he has said I'll meet them one day, but I just hope not when I'm pregnant, as that really would add to the confusion for them. Anyway, as ever, would love to hear your views.

Hmm, I was in this situation but DH's ex did not let me meet them for 2 years. She finally relented 6 weeks before DS was born, so I was massive and it was rather strange! Still, although not ideal from my point of view (kids were a little shocked) we managed to hit it off and are now 3.5 years down the line.

I think for me, 6-8 months into the relationship would have been a good timeframe, and certainly 10 months (which was when we moved in together) but it was their mother's decision, not mine or DH's.

If you're up the duff and a future is on the cards together then yes, you should meet the children, nothing heavy as has been suggested, but they are an integral part of his life, as are you.

My ds has always been fond of exp's gf's. He has had a couple in the years we have been apart.

If the parents are good at co parenting then it should be ok (though I still find it amusing when in gf's company she puts on big show of her relationship with ds!)

Being pregnant does complicate it somewhat. But it is up to your dp to tell them about any potential baby. reassure them that he loves them completely etc etc.

If they are still that little, you can do the intros and then tell them about the baby further down the line.... time is a different beast for children.

This site has a lot of good information

www.separateddads.co.uk/IntroducingNewPartnerToYourChildren.html