How much support/time did you get from your parents as you were growing up?

[BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny]

I spend alot of time with ds, I advise him on all sorts (bullying/social skills etc), make sure he has all he needs and it made me think of whether my parents did this for me. They didn't. My mum showed me how to wash/iron but that was it, there was no guidance, I was just left to it. My dad didn't talk alot (he had an alcohol problem), they never asked how my day was or even if I was OK, they were never up when I went to school so they didn't nag if I had no breakfast (which happened every day). I just don't know if this is normal or if I'm an OTT mum IYSWIM.

What you'd call the basics, I think. Food, clothes, heat. No help with (or interest in) homework, no compliments of any kind. A good walloping three times that I can remember.Some snide comments about various things. I left home at 17.

That was mum.

She and Dad divorced when I was 10. I don't recall Dad doing much before then although after the divorce he took me out to several London shows.

Since I've grown up though I have noticed that my father makes a real effort to be supportive and I treasure one letter he sent me when he told me he was proud of me. Sadly I don't remember my mother ever saying that. She, on the other hand, tells us all (6 of us) often what a good mother she was/is.

God at one time I thought I had a happy childhood. Talking to my sisters and seeing the kind of treatment others had has disabused me of this notion. Hard going.

mine were crap. they had seperate sitting rooms for one thing. it was like trying to be switzerland. mum rarely spoke except to criticise and dad was a bully. suspect mum was depressed.

those domestic abuse tv ads with the woman shopping, cleaning getting dressed with the guy having a go as a voiceover? pretty much that. any fallouts were dominoed onto us kids. it sucked.

None really. I'm the youngest of 7 children, and my mum had me at 39 (she thought I was early menopause ) so I was quite a shock for both of them. I think she was so over being a parent by the time I came along. I do remember going to feed the pigeons in the town centre with my dad every Sunday when I was 7/8 though, which was nice, and the only real quality time I can remember with either of them.

I was pretty much raised by my eldest sisters and their partners. I see now she must have been old before her time, and just didn't have the energy to invest in me when I was growing up. I didn't have a horrible upbringing, but it was very emotionally strained and I don't ever remember being given a hug, or told I was loved.

Closer to her now I have my own DD, and she was at the birth which I think broke a lot of tension.

Some of these stories are awful

No support at all. My father was a violent alcoholic, my mother pretended it wasn't happening. I had to feed myself and try to keep the house clean, the lazy feckers couldn't be bothered. A good lesson in how not to bring up your children.

Am a regular lurker on the stately homes thread, never had much support, especially where it counted - when being bullied / abused / anorexic. (still bitter emoticon!)

ALso with simple stuff like - being taught to cook (I mean REALLY basic stuff) support with homework, interest in What You Would Like To Do When You Grow Up. Dd is only 3 atm, but for poor dsd (13) this has meant that I am a bit of a nag... (in a 'for the right reasons' way, but still a nag). I have decided to Shut Up in the past few years for everyone's sanity!

Farking zilch.

Was shown the domestic basics - then expected to carry them out while she was at work.

Remember getting slapped for not cleaning the house and doing the ironing when I was about twelve, also being hit round the head on several occasions for having an untidy room.

Was an accident who came along a good decade after mother thought she'd finished with kids. God, did it show. No recollection of stories, cuddles, being tucked in, fuck all.

Dad tried and was more affectionate, but was very immature and had a temper - also had enough on coping with mum.

Biggest sis was like a mum but she got married and moved away when I was five. That was like a death, and I wasn't prepared for it in any way.

I understand now that mum was ill (depression and other issues a lot of the time) and didn't exactly have an ideal childhood herself. We get on much better now, but I don't forgive her.

Not masses- I was a bookworm and then when my dad got ill she spent a lot of time looking after him and when he died she had to go out to work as she was incorrectly told she wasn't eligible for IS. when she had no income apart from Widowed MOther's allowance as it was then.
My younger sister got a lot more attention becasue she was the younger baby who was 5 weeks prem and mum had nearly died having her. oh, and she has a much more demanding/ temperamental personality than I do.

I was expected to watch my mum when she was cooking and pick up stuff like that or read cookery books.

Lordy, there's some horror stories on here

Mum died when I was 8. Alckie but I can remember love and cuddles as well as manic screaming.

I had to cook, clean and iron for the whole family after she died BUT I was paid to do this. It was my Saturday job. I could produce a brilliant roast dinner before my 9th birthday, as well as a few other dishes. Loved cooking, so no hardship.

Later, I had to work in one of my Dad's butchers shops. Once again, it was hard but amazing fun at times, so no hardship really. My best chats with Dad were in the van or standing at the block in the shop, prearing meat and discussing boyfriends, drugs, periods....you name it, we covered it! Customers standing on the other side of the counter quite often joined in. Most knew our circumstances and would help Dad out with some of our 'talks'!

Dad was a hero. He gave me the slipper for stealing and deliberate bad behaviour on two or three occasions but man, I pushed that man to his limits. He was there though.

One thing though - my folks did NOT spend the time playing with me and my brothers, taking us here, there and every where etc like I do for my kids now.

I feel I should do something with the children every day but when I think back, nobody did stuff with me every day. I just got left to play out, get on with my homework etc.

As a generation of parents, do we do too much with and for them, do you think?

I don't think you can do too much with your kids. Too much for them maybe.
I don't get a lot of time with DS at the minute and it's rubbish for both of us. Can't imagine choosing it that way.

i dont know doodlez, but it has to be better than the alternative.

people dont notice an emotionally abused child, when they are looked after physically

I think mine did their best, but they were the type not to talk about feelings, or anything personal really. They 'did' the right things - reading to me, taking to museums, walks etc

They had very traditional roles - father worked, mother basically a housewife, though she did a bit of part time work later on. I do wonder looking back if my mother was actually slightly depressed with this - she was a graduate and quite capable, but seemed to find herself locked in this life of being under-employed. I think she felt a great sense of duty, to be at home, to be the one who served up dinner (my father never cooked) but actually I think it was a misplaced sense of duty. She would have been better off getting out there and making more of a life for herself.

One thing I didn't like at all, and I don't think was very healthy is that these polarised roles extended to father being the disciplinarian, and mother being the 'soft touch'. I even remember on occasions if one of us did something deemed very bad, it would be 'wait for your father to get home'.

I don't think I respected my parents deep down, though I really believe they tried their hardest.

We were pretty much left to our own devices or farmed out regularly to grandparents/friends then packed off to boarding school at a very young age. My mum always used to say on the first day of the holidays "I can't wait until you go back to school".

My parents were at war with each other (until they got divorced when I was 15) so I guess too busy dealing with themselves. I don't remember ever receiving any advice from them, we did get regular bollockings for all our wrong-doings though.

Am amazed at how sane and competent we turned out, well I did anyway!

I think it's amazing that any of us actually have good relationships with our dos. If you think about it our own parents probably had worse childhoods!!

i know i'm lucky 'cos my mum made a conscious effort to bring us up better than Hers had done and she did try to to give unconditional love to us, She's finding it harder to be that way with her GC's though.

I think it's important to just be fully there when they ask you for advice and try not to offer it too much .