How Do I Decline to be in Hypothetical Wedding?

[reluctantmatron]

How does one decline to stand for someone at their wedding?
Someone has told me she "may" be eloping, and it could be in our area, so dp & I could stand for them. (it would actually be 3 hour drive each way for dp & I)
We would need to rent a hotel and dp would have to take time off work. The wedding destination is about a 3 hour drive from where we live. Should I just say we can't afford it?

Tell the truth.

yup

If it's a 3 hour drive away it's not really "in your area" is it? Can't they elope to somewhere closer to you? If they don't want a wedding as such then it shouldn't matter too much where it takes place... If they are set on a particular registry office they can always just a couple of passer bys!

Does depend on how close you are to the couple though!

I would not say that a 3hr drive is in your area at all. Just be honest and say it is too far.

Three hours and a day off work is surely the least one can do for a really good friend. This is potentially their whole future together they're thinking about, whilst you are quibbling about a little inconvenience (has nobody here ever gone abroad or driven to the other side of the country for a wedding? or did you only go for the booze?). If, however, they're not very good friends, it's a cheek to ask it of you; and if you are ambivalent about the whole elopement thing, then I don't blame you at all for not wanting to be a part of it, and making reasonable excuses is probably better than coming out with the real reason, which may be hurtful. (Not advocating dishonesty, just tact.)

IMVHO sweetie, they are NUTS.

Go if you want to, if not say your dp doesn't want to and you can't afford to. Say 3 hours isn't in your area but 1 hour would be ok.

I thought eloping was only for 16 year olds?

They are insane.
In fact, I would cut contact with such a fruitcake.

No sense of reality. I would go as far as saying they have both got their heads so firmly up in the sky/their own arses they dont treat the wedding as a reality.

They cant possibly be serious?! If so, your acceptance would be condoning it, and if you say "yes" to it, it will confirm to them that it is not a mad thing to do at all.

Tell them the registry office will be able to provide witnesses for them if they want to go ahead, but you dont want to have a part in this.

Ah I see why she says it is in your area if she lives thousands of miles away!

But seriously, you're not really considering getting involved in this are you? (Think I would be de-registering from whatever forum you met her on and changing email address...)

Ah I see why she says it is in your area if she lives thousands of miles away!

But seriously, you're not really considering getting involved in this are you? (Think I would be de-registering from whatever forum you met her on and changing email address...)

Your Dp cannot get the time off work. Easy excuse, no?

I requested my previous post be deleted as it has too much detail.
I want to thank-you for the replies, I guess I will wait and see how it all pans out.