When friends are rubbish - do you tell them or let them go.

[assumetheposition]

Namechanged for some reason.

My best friend is rubbish and I feel I need a new one. I just don't feel that she is that bothered about me any more. We used to live near eachother but we have both moved to different areas so we don't have that day to day contact anymore. Also I have children and she doesn't so we don't have the same lifestyle anymore either.

Anyway, her latest faux pas is that she forgot DS2's 1st birthday. It might not sound much but comes after a long line of other crapness.

I'm tired of feeling resentful and upset that she never bothers. Do I get it all of my chest and tell her or just accept that life moves on and get myself some better friends.

You said it all - you have kids, she doesn't - that's it in a nutshell. Childfree people often don't "get" what it is like to be a parent - and why should they? I am not sure that forgetting your DS's birthday really is that crap of her but it sounds like you have grown apart really. Rather than have a ding-dong row, why not quietly move on to make some new friends? This "best friends" thing is a bit schoolgirly really. You have different things (friends with kids, friends without kids to escape talking about kids, work friends etc). Really, if is bothering you this much then I should save your energy and move on. Plus, if you avoid a confrontation you might find that she comes to you in a couple of years pg and wanting to rebuild the friendship, looking up to your awesome mothering experience

I would accept that she is no longer your closest friend and just accept her for who she is. I am in a similar position, my closest friend doesn't have children and it is very difficult for them to to understand what a life with children entails so it often means you do not feel as close. I have continued to be friends, just not in the same way as before.

You also have to accept that your children won't necessarily be an important part of her life, so forgetting birthdays, has little to do with you friendship with her iyswim.

It is upsetting, but I do think the main thing is to accept the change.

You are right ladies of course - just feeling sorry for myself at the moment.

i don't have a "best friend" as such but what i have found is that over the 20+ years that i have known my friends i have been closer to one or another at different times as events in our lives dictate.

As it stands now we all live quite far apart so only meet once a month and so i have made new friends in the area i live who i see on a daily basis. These are the ones that i am close to at the moment as we have more in common i.e the children.

I would never ever drop my school friends and i so hope they wouldn't me as we share something that my newer friends haven't got ... and that's history.

Friendships change and develop over time and as long as there is input from both sides try and keep it going - after all in a few weeks/months/years things will have changed and you may become really close again

I think people often expect too much of their friends
I can't afford to send all my friends kids presents for birthdays and Xmas, especially as I don't see the kids much
much better to arrange girly weekends and make the friendship about the two of you not the baby iyswim