Male Psychiatry needed. Why is he acting like this?

[TheNightOwl]

For the past few days, DP has been picking on me for every little thing. Much more than usual and really petty stuff too.

He's also been snapping at me a lot. For instance, he went out to shop tonight. Came home and I asked him if he'd remembered by lettuce. He said "No" and laughed.

So I said "ok, I'll drop you off at work tomorow then and use the car to do a bit of shopping" all very innocent ...

his reaction was "RIGHT! if you're going to be THAT fucking petty about it, I'll go and get you some now!"

I said "its ok, I'd like to use the car tomorow anyway, I've been stuck in the house for 3 days". His reply was "NO! YOU PISS ME OFF! YOU told me you didn't want the car then you wonder why I get pissed off! you take the fucking piss!"

slight over reaction??? but he's been like this over everything these past few days. Constantly shouting, swearing at me and picking on me.

Why? what would cause him to suddenly act like this with me but nobody else?

Who knows?

Something is bothering him.
He's done something and he feels guilty.
He's worried about money.
He's very stressed and taking it out on you because quite often it's the nearest and dearest who cop it.

Because I am the suspicious type, if it was happening to me, I'd think that he had done something he felt very guilty about and was getting angry with me, turning things to me, deflecting onto me, in the way that people who have wronged you so often do - make you the bad guy so they feel less shitty about what they've done.

ask him

He hates lettuce?

he's concealing something from you.

has he got previous for affairs? Sorry to be blunt.

agree with heq

he feels guilty about something, so is trying to demonize you to make himself feel justified

His behaviour stinks.....to put it mildly.

another vote for "he feels guilty"

... rushing to modify the above: Just possibly, he's developed an illness that alters his behaviour. More likely he's developed a sense of guilt, though. Yeah, ask him!

I don't know what is going on. He has lied to me before, more than one occasion and he has always behaved like this, turning it on me and getting angry with ME as if I'm the bad guy. That is what makes me think he's lying about something now.

Why would he be so desperate for the car tomorow that he would make two seperate shopping trips tonight in order to take away any excuse of me needing it just for it to be sat in the car park all day tomorow?

He's also avoiding me. Extra long showers, finding jobs to do around the house to avoid having to spend any time with me. All classic signs with him.

I don't know if he's had affairs in the past but he's already proven to me that he's a dishonest person. His ex wife told me he tried to get with another woman whilst they were together but denied it completely.

I could ask him but when he's lying he gets MAJORLY defensive and starts shouting and balling at me, denying EVERYTHING. so it seems pointless asking. He'd never come out and be honest.

he sounds like a nasty man, tbh

get hold of his phone, and check his sent messages, and his call log

Umm, he's acting exactly like an unfaithful husband.

Can you ring the ex again; compare notes? (I'm a big fan of checking with exes for 'previous')

I agree he sounds guilty! Sorry you have this worry, OP

his phone doesn't keep sent messages for some reason. Only received. He says he has no idea why.

I know he sounds guilty. Just don't know what to do to catch him out. I'm so sick of all this.

He is up to something and is trying to make you the bad guy in his mind so that he can justify whatever he is doing.

Either that or there is something wrong with him...

you know, you can call time on him without any specific "evidence" don't you

just for the way he makes you feel

you don't trust him, he makes no effort to reassure you, he tries to make it your fault

lots of reasons here to bin him, if that's what you want

I, for one, would not judge you

he sounds like a nasty piece of shit, to me

yep, unreasonable behaviour at best!

my phone does not keep sent messages

Check the last call made. If his call logs are clear, you have a suspicious situation on your hands.

Guilt. This was my ex for years. Don't take this crap. He is up to something, hence the showers.

Most phones can save sent if you change the settings, perhaps do that without him realising then you can have a look?

XH used to go through phases like that, particularly about the car, though unfortunately not the showers. He'd go and squat in the garage, smoking, then coming in reeking of smoke but swearing he hadn't. In his case there wasn't anyone else (well, you can't 100% prove a negative, but it is extremely unlikely). He was just going through one of his unpleasant control phases. I used to have to throw a huge wobbly just to be "allowed" to go shopping on my own. It was exhausting, and not at all good for the children to witness, so more often than not I couldn't be bothered to argue. Eventually the phases became the norm. He probably couldn't help it, but I couldn't live with it any longer. I think, when you get right down to it, it doesn't especially matter why a person behaves horribly. The question is whether they are going to carry on doing it.

ps But I bet yours IS guilty.